A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone so my boyfriend and i have been dating 5 months. We have been fighting for the past 2 days. We started fighting yesterday because he wouldn't go with me to a friends birthday party with me. He says it makes him mad because i never go to his friends house or wanna do anything that he wants to do. For one I don't wanna go around his friends cause they some what don't like me his mom doesn't like me either. His mom and one of his friends don't like me because they say im to controling like if he doesnt text me back right away i blow his phone up. Or accuse him of being with another girl. Anyway we started fighting today because i got drunk lastnight and he doesn't like me to get drunk because he said he can't trust me. Also he has said that i do nothing but b**** at him all of the time.Over small stuff like if he don't wanna go somewhere with me I get mad. He's type that wants us to have some time to our self to hangout with friends and stuff by our self. We talked about everything and i need help on two things. 1 how can i stop being so controlling/clingy and 2 how do i stop b****ing about everything. Anyway we got some of the stuff out of the way but its been really bothering me that 1 of his friends and his mom somewhat doesn't like me. Earlier i know this maybe TMI but we had sex we don't do it all the time but today after we did i just started crying for no reason at all I just felt like someone close to me had died that's how sad i was feeling. I have never once cried after sex. All of sudden im constantly thinking if hes cheating and stuff when I used to trust him completely. I do trust him but why is it that lately ive been thinking maybe he's cheating when he doesn't text me back. we do live together and I only feel this way when he's not with me. He has showed me his phone and text messages he tells me who he texts and stuff. Any advice about all this? That can help me fix my problems to be a better girlfriend?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (2 July 2013):
 to be honest, if i were him, i would have left the relationship by now. i'm not trying to be hurtful but just blunt. you are very controlling and clingy. and that's a definitely deal breaker for most people.
it's okay if he doesn't return your calls or texts immediately. it's okay to have a normal life without having your phone attached to your hand for all hours of the day. i like it when i have a bit of space from my partner so we both have time to breath and miss each other. and so that i have my own personal alone time to regroup and just relax.
the more you push and push, the more you're gonna cause the demise of this relationship. just relax. breath and calm down, sweet heart. it's in your head. i think you know this. the next time he doesn't return your calls or texts immediately, go for a drive or call a friend. or watch tv or play a game on your cell phone. anything to occupy your mind. eventually you'll learn not to freak out over these things.
you say you got mad over him not wanting to go to a friends birthday party with you. why? what were you mad about? if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to go. there's nothing wrong with that. signing up to be in a relationship doesn't mean signing over your rights to make your own decisions about things you want to do. you need to give each other your own personal space to do the things you both want to do.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2013):
 You are dating a MERE 5 months and yet you live together? Seems rushed.
If you text him and he does not text you back, you blow up his phone? That’s childish, rude and immature. How would you have survived back in the 70s and 8s when all we had were land lines, no email, no internet, no cell phones? You do not need to have 24/7 contact with anyone and doing so is very controlling, immature and childish. You’re lucky that at 5 months he has not kicked you to the curb.
YOU must stop demanding constant attention and contact. IF you want to go to a party he does not want to go to, then go without him. But by the same token he then gets to go without you to social events you don’t wish to attend.
If all you do is whine bitch and moan at him about stuff, that will get old FAST and he will leave.So figure out what’s NOT working in the relationship and either fix it or part ways. DO NOT STAY if you are not happy. It won’t get better by itself.
What you have to do is learn to love yourself and know that you are worth being treated properly. You know blowing up his phone is wrong… so stop doing it… get a thin strong SMALL rubber band and put it on your wrist. WHen you get the urge to text him inappropriately, or bitch at him or whine to him, snap that band so it HURTS your wrist. DO it every time you have the urge to do something inappropriate in the relationship. It’s a form of biofeedback and you will learn to have negative feelings about doing those things you do not wish to do. Also some therapy will help you figure out why you do things you know are harmful to your wellbeing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): You do sound like a control freak! No wonder his friend and mother don't like you. If my son was with someone like you I would be the same, I'm sorry but that is the way it is.
The fact that you have treated him like this and he is still with you should be prove enough that he wants you because most guys that I know would of run 10 miles by now.
the only way that you can trust him is by LETTING him prove to you he can be trusted. Let him go out with friends with a drink or go to him mums without hounding him! Or maybe you need to see a professional about you trust issues.
You should count you blessings that he is still with you.
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