A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone this is my situation I have been in a fwb sort of situation for about 8 months now.Naturally I want more than this. So to find out how he really felt about me I made him jealous he came around one morning and I told him I had a date coming round later on that day.He looked really hurt so I said to him you've made it clear you don't want to be with me in the time we have known each other We have never been out anywhere together for a night out or anything. Anyway we had a talk and he said he doesn't want me to be with anyone else only him.So I agreed and he said he realises I'm not going to wait around for him forever. So he said after the new year he will start taking me out places and we are going to keep in touch more often I know he has been hurt before he was in a long term relationship and she cheated on him how do I make him see that he can trust me and I wouldn't hurt him how do I make him want to be with me properly?Also do any of you think that we will ever be together properly? Or am I wasting my time? I know you should never wait around for a man.thank you for any answers in advance
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Sounds like you're wasting your time to me - as 'so very confused' said if he wanted a relationship he'd do it right now.
Definately don't have sex with him again until you're official.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): I have had many FWB relationships. Some have meant more to me than others. I have had more than one woman "cut me off" once they want more than FWB. Most of them have ended at that point, because I didn't want more than FWB. On the other hand, I am now in love with what I believe to be "the one" for me. We started as friends, became FWB, then became lovers, then fell in love. So, stop the FWB and see what happens, just be prepared for it not to turn out the way you'd like. Whatever you do, if you stop the FWB you have to stick with it. If a woman stops the FWB with me and then gives in, I'll never, ever respect her.Also, the other posters are correct, we all get possessive, even when we aren't really all that into someone. I always get possessive of my FWBs, I want them to want their sex with me and nobody else. It's human nature and the "make him jealous" game will never work to figure out what you're really trying to figure out.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 As CindyCares said, schedule a date for New Years Eve and remain friends until then. Once a person in a FWB situation develops feelings there are only two things that can happen, you have to stop seeing each other or you start dating officially. I think there's a chance the latter would happen if he seemed so jealous of you going on a date but there's no way to know until you try. If he isn't willing, then it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Then just tell him " Great, I'll see you on January 1st 2012 for our first real date ".
IMO, if he gets you mean it seriously , and he won't be getting any free passes in the meantime, you'll never see neither hide nor hair of him again.
But, since you are so sure he is sincere and has valid reasons, then for you it's a totally risk-free experiment, isn'it ?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 November 2011):
Then just tell him " Great, I'll see you on January 1st 2012 for our first real date ".
IMO, if he gets you mean it seriously , and he won't be getting any free passes in the meantime, you'll never see neither hide nor hair of him again.
But, since you are so sure he is sincere and has valid reasons, then for you it's a totally risk-free experiment, isn'it ?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 November 2011):
 You are wasting your time.
he's stringing you along till the first of the year, when a new excuse will take the place of the current excuse.
IF he was truly interested he would step up his game NOW.
Human nature is possessive. My bf and I often just walk by each other and pat a body part on the other and loudly exclaim "MINE".... it has become a joke now but in the beginning it was our way of staking our territory (we don't to it publicly it's a private thing) Even if he has no intention of being a long term, permanent relationship beyond FWB, he does not want you to have anyone else. He wants you to be available only to him.
Personally I would cut him off till he is ready to step up his game. Tell him... "great, I'll see you after the first of the year and we can begin to have a
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Ok, what are these reasons?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Why do you two have to wait unti the new year. Des that mean the relationship is important, just not until January 2011?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers but he does have genuine reasons to wait until the new year which I understand
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 November 2011):
You are wasting your time. It's normal for him to be territorial and want to secure for himself your convenient availability; if you date a new guy and get into a relationship with him, your current FWB loses his comfy sex buddy and has to get a new one.It's less normal that you blindly believe him. Why waiting for the New Year ? Why not right now ? And mind you, grabbing a bite together and "staying in touch more often " still does not make a relationship, it can very well be just a slightly more companionable FWB , a bone that he throws you to get you off his back. The ONLY way to be sure he wants to be in a relationship with you ( but I'd bet my front teeth he does not ) would be to just stop having sex with him and see if he still wants to date you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (6 November 2011):
It is highly unlikely that you and him will end up together, at least in the nearest future. However you give excuses for him, and resort to mind games, rather than taking the bull by its horn and getting to the bottom of things. Why does he not want a relationship with you? Have you actually ever asked him?
Without knowing why he doesn't want it there really isn't anything for you to do. And even if you knew, the chance that you could do anything about it, without being fake, is small. I mean you want him to trust you you say, but what can you DO, you ask? Nothing. If he doesn't trust women there is nothing you can do, because all you can do is to not betray him etc, in order to KEEP trust, but if he's never given you any trust then what can you do?
You don't even know if this is about him not trusting you. I think it takes a bit of trust in another person being naked with them and sharing something intimate. So I don't think this comes down to trust. I don't think his ex's cheating is really what keeps him from being in a relationship with you.
Ask him instead, and let him talk, and see if you can talk through whatever it is that makes him not want a relationship.
He said he doesn't want you to see anyone else, but what about him? You didn't mention if HE is seeing anyone else. Because him not wanting you to date others or get involved with others just tells me he wants to be the only one to have sex with you... it doesn't tell me anything about him feeling anything for you.
Start going on dates and do things, and GET TO KNOW each other. You said you don't go out or do things, so if I understand it right all you have is sex. There's nothing there to build a relationship on. He doesn't know you, you don't know him either.
If he falls in love with you perhaps he wants to be with you, but I don't see that happening after 8 months of sex and he's not developed feelings. You'll have to present yourself in a different light for him then, if you want him to fall for you.
You might have to stop having sex, and ask him out on "dates" instead. Not date-date, but activities, doing things, having coffee, enjoy each others company etc. If he doesn't want to hang out with no sex then he's NOT interested in you as a person at all. And there's no chance he'll want to be in a relationship with a person whose company he doesn't genuinely enjoy.
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