A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It was my boyfriend's birthday and he invited a lot of friends to his house. The problem is he stopped to chat with everyone but me and that got me really upset. He often looked at me to see if I was doing ok, but I kinda missed him and started thinking that it would make absolutely no difference to him if I wasn't there.I know he hadn't see his friends for a long time and he basically sees me everyday at college, but I can't help feeling a little forgotten. I don't mind him having fun with his friends without me at all; if it makes him happy I'll be too, I don't want to be a clingy girlfriend, but he spent more time even with the people he didn't like that much and he didn't stop to talk to me at all.After almost everybody left he came to talk to me, but I was sad and when I get sad I tend to get quiet; he noticed that and I started crying.He got really worried and wanted to know what happened, and after he insisted, I told him that I felt left out.He said a lot of comforting words, told me he loved me and that he was sorry and didn't think I was going to feel alone, he seemed kinda upset too. And that made me feel really silly, because I know he loves me, I think I was upset for a stupid reason.And now I am really really afraid he's going to change, or get tired of me because of this. I don't really want to be a clingy girlfriend, he can have fun with his friends, I don't mind that. I just wish he would miss me too, but I don't want to force him to miss me.So did I overreact? Do you think he's gonna change his ways with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2011):
 To me this is the key "I know he hadn't see his friends for a long time and he basically sees me everyday at college"
he sees you every day
he came to see you at the end of the party after visiting with his friends that he had not seen and won't see for a while.
He checked on you during the event... (you said he looked at you)
I get that you want his attention more than anyone else... we just had a similar weekend where we saw lots of friends we only see 3 or 4 times a year.... my partner was with them (some men some women) and it was a bit disconcerting that I was not his sole focus...but every night he crawled into OUR bed and loved on me... and checked on me during the day (it was a four day event) periodically... other than that we were NOT together... even in the same room.
I do think you are feeling a bit neglected and over-reacted a bit. He came to you at the end of the night, he KNEW you were upset... he checked on you... what more did you want?
did you want him to NOT see his friends? or did you want him to keep you plastered to his side showing you off and showing that you can't be apart?
How much more interesting your pillow talk will be after the party when you both have new experiences to share as you rehash your day!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 I think you over reacted ( sorry Chigirl, can't be with you on this one ).
I think he did exactly what he was supposed to do, i.e. being a gracious host. The party was for his birthday and at his place, right ?, so he was the host. The host is supposed to go around and socialize and talk to everybody and make sure that everybody is having a good time. Everybody, but the host's wife or companion or gf, who is supposed to be cohosting the party and helping him do the same and entertain people ( why didn't you ? ) and anyway, as intimate of the host, is supposed to see him always ( like in your case ) ergo to be able to survive a few hours on her semi-own, with just a smile or a wink every now and then.
When you throw a party, it's always the guests before your nearest and dearest, It's perfectly normal, even if admittedly harder to swallow if you are only 18 or 19.
Plus, it was a long time he had not seen his friends ,while he can see you all the time; plus he had been kind enough to invite also your friends, so you could feel more at ease and have guaranteed company - maybe for a few hours he denied you the satisfaction of showing him off to your friends all lovey dovey and draped around you, but it's not that terrible, I guess. Unless you are so insecure about his love that you need seeing it constantly reaffirmed, regardless of company and context .
So yes, if you ask me, you overreacted big time and he was not doing anything wrong, whether he was doing it on purpose to make the party a success, or by chance, carried away by the excitment of reuniting with his old friends.
Luckily , your bf must be very caring, patient and understanding, and he took it the right way and reassured you. Another guy might have not put up so good naturedly for your need of being non- stop center stage , and at HIS birthday party too.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 You did not over react.
My long-distance boyfriend once did the same. On his first visit here, we went out together as a couple for the first time. He is a very social person and was so excited to be in my town so he was speaking to everyone. I ended up feeling like you did, and got upset also. He didn't realise that I was feeling left out because he was so occupied, and had no idea why I was crying. I told him and he apologised and promised to be more attentive to me whenever we went out.
He stayed true to his promise and we haven't had a problem since.
Trust me, he isn't going to get tired of you and you're not clingy. How you were feeling that night was understandable. Now that he knows, he will be more aware of his actions when you have other company. If he continually does this though, it will become a problem on his part which would need to be addressed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): Hello, it was me who created the post, thank you so much for answering.
I can't say I was left alone because he invited some of my friends, but these friends all brought their boyfriends and I was kinda the only one alone. And even though I was talking to them, I was kinda jealous that their boyfriends were there for them and mine wasn't.
But yeah, next time I should just go to him before I get upset. It was stupid of me.
And my boyfriend is not bad at all, I love him very much, that's why I am so worried. It was just a really crappy night, I hope we both forget about this as soon as possible.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 November 2011):
 I think it is reasonable and understandable that you got upset. I would be upset too, after all it's his party and you are his girlfriend, which should make you more special than these other friends. Then again, maybe he just did get caught up and thought you were having a good time by yourself as well?
Next time, if you feel left out, bring it up in a non confrontational way (because it can easily sound as accusations unless you word it right) and tell him you are feeling left out.
If this isn't usually how he is, then one time here and there it'd be ok, you knew other people there didn't you? You weren't completely alone?
At least he didn't do what my ex did... He brought me to a wedding of his friend, where he knew people and I didn't, they were Russians so a language I don't speak fluently, he got to know another Russian girl and they became "besties" during the days of the wedding, and I was left ALONE. At the reception he snuck off with her and I was left alone, with no one to talk to, nothing to do, just wandering around for hours by myself looking for him.
Now THAT sucked. And I broke up with him the following week too, because apparently that "bestie" he had found said to him I was jealous and that he should leave me. So I beat him to it.
So, with this in mind.. your boyfriend isn't as bad.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 November 2011):
 Why didn't you just go up to him instead of waiting for him to come over all night? It really was his night, so it makes sense that he'd want to be enjoyed by all and circulate and make sure everyone was having a good time. you should have approached him while you were starting to get too uncomfortable.
i don't think you came off as too clingy, but in your effort not to look clingy it took a greater toll on your emotional state and eventually became a bigger deal than it would have HAD you walked over to him and actually looked like you dated the guy. Sounds like he likes you to make sure that you get what you need out of your relationship and not just think he knows or should know, you have to communicate with him, even if it makes you look vulnerable sometimes.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 November 2011):
 It seems like he just got caught up with his friends. I think it's reasonable for you to be upset (though not quite so upset maybe) but it's also reasonable for him to get caught up. I think you should just count this as a crappy night and move on. I don't think this has any bearing on the future of your relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): Hey! I'm around your age and I can completely relate because the EXACT same thing happened to me! My boyfriend had a birthday party and since he doesn't get to see his guy friends a lot, and saw me virtually everyday, he got very distracted with them and I was left alone basically to talk to my girl-friend. I too grew very quiet and felt guilty for feeling left out (also felt a little selfish) but he reassured me the next day by just taking the day off and hanging out with me the entire day. I don't think he meant to leave you behind, I think he was just overwhelmed by all the attention from every corner, from all his guy friends. I know sometimes when my guy gets distracted with guy friends, I won't hear from him for the rest of the night. They don't mean to do it, and they don't forget. He was looking at you the whole night, he definitely didn't forget about you. And don't feel ashamed for tearing up, it's human nature. It's good that you confided in him and from the way he reacted, I don't think he sees you as clingy at all, sounds like a good guy to me. However, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you have to have faith in your relationship. Meaning that if you don't give him a chance to miss you, he probably won't. Try detaching a little (just a tiny bit) and he will miss you like crazy. It's hard to get over the initial insecurity (I know trust me) because you're always wondering if he misses you or not, and it seems like he doesn't. But give him some space and you'll be surprised. I hope this was helpful :) I honestly don't think you overreacted, you just got a little overwhelmed, it happens.
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