A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Thank you for listening. I have a major problem. I have been with this girl for a few months and I like her a lot. She doesnt trust people often and is happy with me. I take pride in keeping her happy and she loves that. The problem is, I met this girl at my university who is drop dead gorgeous. She smiles at me when we make eye contact and we have began small talk in class.my interest in her bothers me because i am devoted to my girlfriend. How do I control this? Should I get to know the new girl a little more?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): if you think that remaining just platonic friends with this girl is going to be a problem, i highly discourage. the attraction could be more than a passing thing or something that could be over after seeing what's it about. but it's not worth losing your girlfriend if she were to find out. if you can't handle her finding out about your feelings for another girl, then don't. cheating is always horrible but for girls, it hurts more if that girl you done it with means something to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u anon. U were the biggest help
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): OP, thanks for the follow up.
I'm the female anon (the first poster), and I can't see any reason why you can't be friends with her since you've made it clear you aren't lusting over her. But if you notice that you're starting to lust over her, then I would avoid her (that is, if you want to stay devoted to your girlfriend). I misconstrued your original post as you were starting to develop feelings for her or something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): If you truly want to stay faithful, you'll stay away from this "gorgeous" girl and stay true to your girlfriend. This girl could be the type that flirts with every guy -- you just don't know. Risking your relationship with a girl you claim to really like for a girl who might be playing around is hardly worth it.
Ignore the gorgeous girl and go appreciate your current, wonderful girlfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto all the people who posted answers thank you. I think I shoulda used better words tho. I kinda just enjpy talkin to the girl and stuff like tht and even tho she is hot never said I was lusting for her . And kendra, thank u for answering,but I have no clue where in my post that I said "i must have this girl" or tht I "had to have her". I am also not "lusting" over her so im not sure where all of tht came from. I guess my real questiion is if it is possible to be friends with a girl like this without hurting my current relationship?
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A
female
reader, kendra30752richardz +, writes (6 November 2011):
 "I must get this girl who's drop dead gorgeous". You MUST "GET" her? Strike one! Lol. OK, I'll give you my raw, honest advice. If I were your g/f I'd want you to tell me and I'd end things for you happily. You said you were "devoted" to this girl. Being THIS attracted to another female is not devotion. You cannot be devoted to her. I would say take the advice of the person above that said switch seats, let her know you're in a relationship, etc. But it's clearly past that. You don't WANT to do that. It seems you're more looking for an excuse to get closer to this girl and not feel guilty at this point. To me, the best thing you can do is get rid of your poor girlfriend before you humiliate and hurt her. NO WONDER SHE DON'T TRUST PEOPLE EASILY! Hell, when you're lusting after another girl so badly that you "have to have her" she has every right not to trust. It's her female intuition and I'll tell you women KNOW. We sense things. Don't hurt her. If you're this into this other girl then you've practically already cheated on your gf. Maybe you don't see it that way, but clearly you're determined to have this other girl and face it, if you get the chance, you're not going to be "devoted" and turn her down. You may need to re-think this relationship because I doubt this is love. My partner and I WOULD NEVER have feelings like that for another person. Do yourselves both a favor and break it off. If you're this attracted to someone else then your gf isn't the one for you. If she were, you wouldn't have such intense feelings for another woman.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 November 2011):
 "How do I control this? Should I get to know the new girl a little more?"
That's a bit like saying you're developing an addiction to cocaine so you'd like to do some more cocaine just to be sure. If you want to remain with your current girlfriend you need to keep your distance from this other girl and make sure she knows you have a girlfriend. Switch seats and stop exchanging smiles in class.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): No, you should not get to know the new girl more. If you are truly devoted to your girlfriend like you say, you won't purposely tempt yourself to leave her by talking to this other girl. And trust me, if you keep talking to her you're only going to think about her more and more. I think you should also know something else that might take some time for me to explain, but I want you to consider it. While you may think this girl is "drop dead gorgeous", do you know if she is NATURALLY gorgeous? I'm guessing you don't. For all you know, she may spend all kinds of time and money to look the way she does. If her hair seems to look perfect all the time, she might be wearing extensions. I know guys don't know anything about extensions but let me tell you, they can look and feel VERY real, because a lot of them nowadays are made with actual human hair and can be sewn or glued in. Also, makeup on girls isn't always obvious. Some are so good at it you can't tell they're wearing any at all. And they can make their good features look even better while minimizing their bad features. This can do wonders, really make a woman look so much better than she actually does. Just step into a beauty store and look around it sometime (in a town where no one knows you, of course lol) that sells nothing but beauty products such as ulta beauty or salle beauty supply and you will see what some of those "drop dead gorgeous" women go through to look the way they do. And don't ask the girl if she does all this stuff, because it would be a waste of time. If she does, she will not tell you the truth. I learned all this because of an ex girlfriend of mine. (I'm gay.)Anyhow, you also have to ask yourself, is it really worth it to throw away everything you have with your current girlfriend just because someone else you met happens to be more attractive? Lets say you do decide to leave your girlfriend for this girl and then some other girl comes along who is prettier than her? Are you then going to leave her for that girl? There's always going to be someone more flawless, either because they have more money to spend on beauty products, or in some rare cases are born that way. Can you accept that? Can you accept knowing that no matter who you're with there's always going to be someone more attractive? If not, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Or maybe you just have some wild oats to sew before you can settle down with one girl. That's what it sounds like to me.
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