A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you fake an orgasm while your partner is trying to please you, is it rude? Me and my bf (of about a year) were having some fun a few days ago, and he was trying to get me to orgasm with his fingers, and it felt good, but after a while I realized I wasn't going to feel any better than I was right now, so I just kinda...faked it... I didn't want him to feel like he wasn't good enough, but I didn't want to have him just sit there wasting his time waiting for something that wasn't gonna happen.Was that wrong of me? Should I tell him the truth?Does it make it worse that we plan on getting married in a few years?
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female
reader, moon river  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 well he wont know he needs to improve!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, everyone, for your advice. I'm still afraid to tell him (the truth is always scary), but I dont plan on faking it again. Hopefully I can find the best way to tell him that he turns me on like no other, but I've just never been able to orgasm. I hope he'll understand and know he's still good to me :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Very, very silly... Never, ever fake an orgasm... there is no need to and you are building up your relationship on lies and where there is lies there is no trust.
If you lie to your man, how can he love the real you. He loves you, however you are, orgasm or not. But what you are giving him is a image of you, not a real person, but a dream, someone who pretends to have orgasms, an actress, not a real person at all.
Orgasms are very nice, but not all women can have them. You definitely can't enjoy yourself if your lying there acting instead of exploring what you actually DO feel.
I'm multi-orgasmic now... but I wasn't when I was your age. Having penetrative sex was uncomfortable and painful for days. However, I did orgasm during oral sex and touching.
I refused to lie. I told my partner exactly what I was feeling and what felt good, and what felt bad. I liked being able to hold him during sex and that was good enough for me.
Once my partner knew that I loved him, and enjoyed his body (orgasm or not) he could help me enjoy sex as best as I could. It took many years of us trying different movements, different techniques before I could orgasm. We spent our time playing, loving and being happy... Truth, love and honesty are better than any orgasm and that's what you should concentrate on.
You are young. Maybe orgasms will come. You need to be relaxed and you need to trust your partner. But maybe they won't come and you will just have to be content with what you have.
If you lie, how will he know if there is a problem. He needs to learn about your true feelings and emotions for him to be a good lover and he can't do that if you lie.
Go to him, and tell him what you have told us. Both of you together work on the "good" feelings and forget about the need to orgasm. Learn together what makes your body feel good, and your real pleasure in love making will make him feel better than any "acting" ever could.
Sex isn't just about orgasms. Feeling "good" whilst being touched isn't something to be ignored and thrown away, it's one of the main important things of sex. Sex should be about the journey, the kissing, the touching, not just the destination (orgasm)
Your young.... orgasms are sometimes hard at your age... but never, ever lie like this, just to keep (or please) a man.. It won't work and in the long run you will deny yourself and your man proper loving pleasure.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 November 2011):
 It's wrong to fake it... I never fake it.. yes BF gets dissapointed that i don't orgasm but to lie to him would be a bigger sin....
Tell him the truth...
most women are not able to orgasm during sex (especially penetetraion) I am 51 I have had more partners than I care to admit and ONLY ONE could bring me to orgasm consistently and that was through oral only...
(note to the men that think that orgasms for women are the be all to end all I LEFT this man for a man that is not the best lover.. so it's NOT all about sex for many women)
tell him the truth but NOT while you are in bed
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI cant really say I ever have...Then again, I never did fancy touching myself much. Felt too lonely :(
Would it be better if I just told him "Hey, this feels good, but I'm probably not going to orgasm" or something? I just dont know if there's even a positive way to put that, without hurting his feelings... That's what I dont want most of all, him being unappy, especially if I caused it!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Unfortunately MANY women cannot reach orgasm with a partner and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you if you need some help. Many women can't get there without a vibrator. Can you have an orgasm when you masturbate?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, I've never seen porn, so I wouldn't know what they'd say, I figured since I'm quiet when I'm pleasured, if I ever had a real orgasm, it'd be quieter, so I tried to match up my fake one with what I thought my real one would sound like.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I've never really been able to have an orgasm before, I get the pleasure part, and everything he's done for me was very pleasurable, but like I said, I cant. I just want him to be happy, and even if I cant orgasm, it still feels good :)
I just feel like if he cant get me to orgasm, then he wont feel like a good lover. I'd hate to make him feel like anything less than the perfect manly man I see him as. (I guess you could call me a submissive, I'd rather please him than have him please me, and I gladly take on the duty of cooking everything for him and making his life better)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): To my mind, faking it is almost never a good idea.
If is extremely frustrating as a man to find out that something you've been doing with a woman doesn't really excite them as much as they've let on. It tends to lead to a lot of wasted time and effort. Once you start faking it, how are you going to stop? When do you come clean about it? If you do, how is he going to know if you're being honest about anything?
Imagine spending a lot of time cookig a special meal for your boyfriend, and he tells you he loves it. So you you keep cooking this "special" meal for him for a year only to find out he actually doesn't care for it all that much?
The discomfort that comes with being honest with someone up front is relatively minor compared to the long term frustration and misunderstandings it can create.
That's merely my opinion.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 November 2011):
It's deceitful, dishonest, and cruel to both him and to yourself. Faking orgasms is almost always a bad idea. Don't tell him you faked it, you will utterly devastate him.
It's one thing (and probably totally OK) to fake an orgasm with a one night stand who you never plan to see again, but with a long term partner it just cheapens your sex life and turns it into an ego-boosting session for him and a chore/performance for you.
You should never do that again. How the heck do you plan on having a real one if he thinks something that doesn't do it does? Faking orgasms leads to an unsatisfying sex life.
Faking orgasms does nothing for anybody, so why do it? It's lying to him and it assures that you will never have a real one. If something's not working for you, speak up. Guide him. And if it's just not happening, speak up. For those times a lot of couples buy a small "pocket rocket" type thing to pull out.
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