A
female
age
26-29,
*eilta
writes:I've been talking to this guy for about 4 months now. He doesn't live near by so we video chat, call each other and text more then we see eachother. I sense things getting serious by the way he starts talking about our future together. He constantly talks about marriage, kids and moving in together. The thing is he has never really told me his exact feelings towards me or even about starting a relationship. I really like him but how do i ask him about his commitement without pressuring him?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Honestly it is way to soon for him to be talking children and marriage. This would scare me away. You guys are not even dating yet, so he really does need to slow things down. The next step would be to talk to him and ask him what he wants from you. If he wants to get to know you better then can the both off you come up with a plan where you can spend more time together to see how you get on? This won't work unless you are spending quality time getting to know each other. An online friendship is okay but don't expect anything from it other than words.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2017): Please take talk of marriage and kids with guys who haven't proposed for marriage as nothing more than conversation.
You don't even know the when, where, why, and who yet!
We all have plans for the future. Men mean nothing by it until they actually put a ring on your finger and ask you to marry them. Got it?!!
Don't attach your feelings to some guy who arbitrary talks about the future; because he is only talking about his plans. He hasn't detailed or explained who he'd want all that with. Live in the present. That's what counts when you're trying to establish a relationship.
First, establish an intimate relationship in "real-time." Spend more time together to know him as a "real person."
He may not be as wonderful as the idealized-image you have of him online.
Get to know who you're attaching your feelings to, and know exactly why. Don't just base your feelings on hearing him say everything you're wishing for.
You've got quite a few obstacles to overcome before talking about the future. Actually being together and having an official relationship, being at the top of the list.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2017):
 Should the talk be about HOW do we move from LDR to a geographical location where we can see each other more often, rather than.. marriage and babies?
It's been only 4 months and it's an LDR. Don't go straight from talking and video chatting to "instant" perfect family. That isn't realistic.
Figure out ways to spend more time together IN person before even considering LIVING together. And leave the fantasies of marriage and kids for later on.
Once you have established (maybe over a year or two) that you two are good together IN person and online, think about finding a place to live together - either at a halfways point or his town/your town. Which means the SECOND part to that would be Job situation. DO NOT allow yourself to be "maintained" - MAKE sure NO MATTER what that you are financially independent JUSt in case things goes sideways.
And DON'T consider babies until there is a GOOD working relationship where you live together and making things done.
BE realistic. Don't live in LA LA land. Fantasies are great but you can't build your life around that.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 This sounds really sketchy to me.
You've only met a few times and he's talking about marriage when you're not even in a relationship.
Proceed with extreme caution. Maybe he is a genuine guy, but talking about marriage with someone this soon when you're not even together sounds crazy to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): I would hear alarm bells and see big red flags if a man I hardly know started talking to me about marriage etc. Way too soon!! Neither of you knows the other. What is he thinking?
Get to know him and meet in person a lot more. If he is talking about marriage he should be willing to make more of an effort to meet more. But honestly I would be REALLY careful.
Abusive men use this tactic. The tactic of moving fast. Read about abuse so that you know what else to look out for. Seriously.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): You've only been talking to him for four months and you imply that you rarely see him. You should think about making an effort to actually date each other in person even though there is distance. Four months of texting and video chat is not enough to start thinking about moving in together, let alone marriage and children. Personally, I would not consider any commitment without spending a lot of quality time together.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 May 2017):
 I think the very fact that he is talking about marriage, children and shaking up is pretty clear. What's wrong with you? How clearer could he be?
You might want to establish a few ground rules before moving in together, if your hopes are for marriage with him. Otherwise just see how it goes. Put a time limit on it and stick to it. If he is getting all the benefits of marriage he might just change his mind about actually doing it. And that can be OK too, just so long as you are happy with the arrangement.
One thing more - always have your escape. You need escape money and a career you can turn to if necessary. That is a must.
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