A
female
age
22-25,
*erryplant
writes:I am 15, i have had boyfriends but not proper relationships. I am desperate for a boyfriend. It is on my mind all the time. I don't know any lads my age who would want to date me. I fall in love too easily and always think about boys I don't know how to stop myself. My mum says I'm too young and need to focus on my education. But I can't focus because all i think about is getting a boyfriend. My friends are 13 and they always say I'm too desperate. Whenever I speak to a bit they steal him off me. How can I get the idea of being in a relationship out of my head?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): I remember being your age and feeling similarly. My advice is to sit down and write down all the things you think a boyfriend will make you feel. I.e happiness, love, security, etc. Then have a think about all these words and analyse if you can have these feelings without a boyfriend and how you are already experiencing these things without boyfriend.Ask yourself if you're seeking validation of your self worth in whether or not you have a boyfriend? These are tough questions to answer especially at your age but you don't need to answer them today or even this week just ponder on them. I urge you to also think about how you will cope if you were told that you're going to be single until 18 which is when you will meet the love of your life, will you spend the time between now and then upset and craving a relationship or will you choose to enjoy life regardless.Relationships never fill the hole in our hearts we believe need filling. The only person that can fill that hole is yourself. Also remember that relationships are only a fraction of your life. You still have to be a child to your parents, sibling, friend, member of society etc in the same way these roles don't define you and aren't the be all and end all of your life a romantic relationship will be the same. A relationship should be an addition to your life not your whole life. I wish you all the best and I hope it doesn't take you 10 years to figure out a relationship won't complete you the way it took me 10 years to figure out. Xx
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Your mother is right
Your friends are right
A relationship at your age would simply not work. I don't care what anybody says, if you get a BF at your age the chances of being with them 10, 5 or even a year later are next to none.
You are wasting your time, you're so young! Have fun with your friends, stop worrying about boys. At your age all they will do is mess you around anyways, all boys at that age are immature and not thinking about long term relationships and you shouldn't be either.
Right now, getting good grades is the most important thing as that is what is going to help you in life. Not being occupied chasing boys.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): I am a guy, and i dont know much about girls, but youre friends are right, you are being desperate at some point, but your friends tend to be jealous of you, who knows, they may be desperate too but they dont show it , and its a warning, as being a guy, i want to tell you from our point of veiw , dont date any guy unless you are sure that you can trust him, and guys tend to be players so, be careful, and next time your friends steal someone you like, its their loss, they are saving you from reality and consuming it themselves
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): I think what you are going through is all just a part of puberty. Most young girls go through a stage where they want a boyfriend and think about boys all of the time.
Maybe taking up other activities will distract you from thinking about boys all the time. Take up a team sport, go to your friend's house, have movie nights with your friends, go shopping...there are plenty of things to do.
And try not to come across as too desperate later down the track when you do decide to be with someone. Boys will pick up on this and see you as 'easy' so they won't stick around for long.
I know you've probably heard it before but there is plenty of time for a boyfriend. Don't rush it, when it is right it will be right. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, birdwriter  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Generally, I like to play Devil's Advocate on a handful of advice to argue other aunts, but trust me... this is not one of those times I am going to completely do so.Boys around your age aren't mature enough to stay committed to you... and the ones that could, aren't brave enough to speak up, and can't be worth your time right now. Even I, to this day, am a coward at times and you need a guy who can be confident enough to ask YOU out. If he's NOT confident enough to ask you out, what's not to say he won't be confident enough to take you somewhere nice, or confident enough to give you compliments to make you feel better when you are down? A guy who lacks a certain amount of confidence WILL drag you down. (I honestly hate putting that in perspective, but it's true for even me)...If you want to get yourself out of this, and get your mind off boys, get into an club (art, music, theater, etc), join a sports team, or get yourself somewhere that you can make new friends. Hanging out with those friends will take your mind off them and when you are too busy thinking about something that will help your club or group, you'll be happier as well.Now, trust me, this mentality of "I need a boyfriend" and "Everyone is stealing them away from me" is going to destroy you. I guess what I am trying to say is don't follow my footsteps and my path when I was younger. I tried chasing down everyone and I ended up even more alone back then....If you really want a Boyfriend, and want me to be in your corner in this conflict, my first two bits of advice:1. Just have a boy who happens to be a friend, but nothing more than just a friend. Who knows, maybe you can blossom this into a relationship at a later time when the both of you are mature enough to handle it. Even if he is in a relationship or gets caught up into one, having that one guy who is there to help you when you need advice can go a long way in the future. Maybe who knows as well, he may get dumped or break up with that girl, and he'll need the emotional support should he reach out to a friend he trusts... ;)2. Don't let your anxiety and jealousy dictate your actions with whichever guy you are seeing/hanging out with. This will lead yourself to a vicious spiral downward of ending up alone... and I know you probably do not want that..Otherwise, everyone else I strongly suggest everyone here is wise on what they are saying. Trust us, give it at least another two years. It may seem like an eternity, but you will thank us later. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2017): Sweetie, you're going through puberty and it's normal at your age to be caught-up in your daydreams and fantasies.
You just like the romantic idea of having a boyfriend; but at your age they aren't really boyfriends. Your mother and friends are right; but in your phase of development, all the changes your mind and body are going through are confusing and overwhelming. You don't really fall in-love easily; you are in-love with the fantasy of being in-love. Which proves you're much too young and don't yet understand your feelings and how to handle them.
You still have a few more years of this state of confusion, I'm afraid; but just making some good friends and doing other things helps to take your mind off boys. You're isolating yourself from your friends, and your mind needs to be focused on other interests, schoolwork, or hobbies. If you're lazy and always puttering around the house; your mind has nothing else to think about but boys. You need playtime and exercise! Even adults need that!
The other girls aren't stealing boys away from you; because at your age, boys don't really know what they want. They just like chatting with random girls. Their childish immature minds are all over the place. They're too busy thinking of the latest video games, sports, cool action-
movies; and really just like talking about girls, more than to them. Keeping some clingy-girl around all the time; doesn't give them much free-time to just be a kid, and to hangout with their buddies. Like they're supposed to, and their parents would much prefer!
Girls your age are all ga-ga and lovey-dovey. You can't keep a boy still for all that for too long. They will change girlfriends from week to week. You'll just get your heart broken.
You see other girls who seem to have boyfriends; and you feel you have to have one too. They are doing everything they can to keep-up appearances to look like it's just like on TV and in magazines. They want other girls to be jealous.
Truth is, they have to text him and track him down constantly; and he's constantly ducking her so he can go skateboarding and hang with his buds. He gives her a little bit of his time to shut her up; but it is never as perfect as they pretend it is. They are only kids and it is better not be that intense. They aren't old enough to be too serious about any one girl, or one boy.
Have some fun doing stuff girls like to do. Things you like to do other than daydream about boys. You spend too much time alone; so your mind fixates on one thing. You're still a kid, so be one. Concentrate on your studies like your mother says, or she will take away your privileges and put-off allowing you to see boys for a long time. Smart and strong women know that their education comes first. Boys will always be there until you're old enough, and way after that.
Have you finished your homework?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 May 2017):
 You need to be realistic here:- it's not falling in love; it's infatuation, a strong crush- you can't have boys "stolen" from you; they aren't yours just because you like them- dating at your age isn't a proper relationship, which is good because you are too young for it- the fact you feel you can't focus on your education shows that that's exactly what you need to doSpend your time at school in class or studying. Change your train of thought if you concentrate on boys. Remember that boys are immature at your age and they don't really want to date; they're just curious about girls' bodies more than anything - not actual relationships.You don't want to be romantic when you're so young; it doesn't really prepare you for ones when you're older, so it's just a distraction. It's normal to have crushes, but you can't let them rule your life because you'll miss out on being a teenager and learning. Most of it is hormonal, but please try to control it and concentrate on school.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 You are at an age where your "inner voice" is driving you to focus on the things that give you immediate gratification. It's not abnormal or anything you just cannot see the bigger picture. Your mother has years of experience and is only interested in your well being. Remember she was once a young girl too. She knows what you are going through and her advice is spot on. You only get one chance at school make the most of it. It will pay dividends in the future. Boys are a dime a dozen. Your mind is waiting to be filled with knowledge. Breathe deep and learn all you can while you are young. Best wishes and listen to your mom she loves you.
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (10 May 2017):
Young Lady, just because I'm 37 doesn't mean I'm about to tell you you're too young to "be in a relationship".
You're the only one who can figure out what this means for you. Whatever "desperation" that you feel is there, the most important thing is, Don't fight it.
Frame it, heck, express it in your own words, understand it, understand yourself. Be aware of your body, listen to what your mind is telling you.
Subsequently you should be in a better position to work out what amounts to a priority, and what does not.
(In short, please focus on your studies. In ten years' time, let's compare notes ??)
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