A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need serious advice.Do you think you can end up with your 1st love after years apart?I have 3 children, seperated for over a year, married twice but all my children from my 2nd husband.When I was 15 I fell in love for the 1st time-was not my 1st boyfriend nor my 1st crush-, it was so intense, we met by accident, I remember, I had a fight with my step dad and left the house, didn't have enough money to stay in a hotel and was too young anyway so friend told me we can stay up all night or we can give his friend a call (his very push friend) who have an access to his parents properties, he called him and I met him for the 1st time, he was very arrogant, very handsome and extremely tall, he also didn't like how our mutual friend was trying to take advantage of me, we went to one of his family houses, he told my friend to go home, told me he will come in the morning.. next day I woke up he was in the house, staring at me, he told me I was so beautiful, like movie stars beautiful, gave 're a banana and strawberries for breakfast and somehow convinced me to go back home to avoid any further dangerous situations.(This boy was a player, a well known bad boy, yet he never tried to take advantage of me. I went back home, never seen him before that night or after, 6 months later we met again by accident and from that moment on we were never separated, we spent many new years together, cut and dye our own hair, went to uni, learnt about sex and passion, we would have jumped from a speeding car holding hands, we had plans to go grey together, we ran away so many times to different cities for different adventures, camped in the desert for weeks, lived on a hut at the beach were we ate what we fished, done many mischievous things together.. we were a legend, something of a story, the real handsome bad boy who met his match.. years on, in our early 20's our love was getting more intense, more powerful and more consuming.We loved each other way too much we were like addicts and somehow we started self destruct.Jealousy for example, I know he was the jealous type, possessive type, but so was I , my heart ached like thousands swords stabbing me if he ever looked at another girl, we had endless fights, things will get heated up and we both will go crazy and abuse each other, some how all this disappears once we get together, once we hug, everything will go.But we broke up in an unremarked fight and couldn't handle this extreme feelings... we hurt each other too much.He got on with many MANY girls, at one point I could have sworn he slept with every pretty girl in town, at that point I knew even though I loved him too much I could never go on being with him, I got married soon after.Got divorced the 1st time, I then had my time to adapt and accept my life and forgot about him.Met my husband and thought I fell in I love with him, or I did in different way.Been married for about 10 years with lovely 3 children, we separated a year ago because we were not happy.My 1st love, he is back in my life.He found me on Facebook, messaged me then we seen each other on video calls.When I saw him, I felt so turned on like I never been in years, oh my god, he looks amazing, he have thick curly hair and now he have an undercut ponytail with a rough beard, he looks so fit and delicious, how can one person be that appealing.He told me he got married and divorced with no kids, we were talking regularly when he told me that he never forgot about me, that he needed therapy to get over me and he never did.Now he says, we were too young and couldn't handle our love, now we are older, mature and we both have lived way too long apart. He says to me that he needs me in order to be able to live truly happy.This is very strange, I know he is not idealizing what we had.I , over the years have never forgot about him, I dream of him regularly, I remember him always, he never truly left me.He says the same to me now, I never left him.The thing is, as a man not as the boy I loved before, I can feel myself falling for him, now, how he grown so beautifully, how can such a man ever love me that crazy?How can I know deep inside that when we parted we wore each other hearts on our sleeves. But, as good as he is now, how would I know we will not fall again to our dark side.Thing is, I see him for what he is, I know his inside out, he is my weakness and I have no control over myself with him. Same goes for him.Now, I don't know of anyone who ended up with their 1st love after years apart. I don't know how can this end.. I want to borrow your hearts and mind and think with me in my situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017): I'm right there with you!! My ex has called me again after 11 years of last speaking, 18 years of last laying eyes on each other and 27 years after falling in love with each other. He's preparing for a divorce and I just got engaged. I've never stopped loving and wanting him. This is a very, very hard decision. I've been reading about old flames reconnecting and studies show 75% of them last. We have all grown up, changed, realized our flaws and our regrets. We are different people now so it's possible we will appreciate each other much more after suffering the loss for so many years. People on their death needs regret more the things they didn't do than the things they did. If you have the option to give it a shot than do it. If it works, fantastic, if it doesn't. You get closure and can finally move on more completely.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 May 2017):
 You should become a writer you have a vivid imagination and a way with words.
Look on a serious note it sounds like yes you both share passion and love, but possessiveness and jealousy is not good especially when you have three children now. You need to think about them and their future as well.
If you make a go with this man you need to take it slow and be sensible. Don't allow your feelings to carry you away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): It seems you are both volatile and jealous types, liking to fly off the handle and lash out at each other, which is not a good sign for a happy future, without considerable calming influences due to muaturity!Plus the self destruct button seems to be something you are both capable of activating.Apart from his body being fit and sexy he may not be the perfect match for you because you both know how to push each other's emotions into whichever direction you want to go!Really though it is up to you both how far you are prepared to go!It may end in tears after a few years!It may be an ego trip for both of you but you should remember the unhappy times a bit more and be a bit clearer on how the self destruct button worked and in what capacity.He was sexy back then and presumably so were you so being sexy alone isnt good enough if you want to last longer.You need a practical approach and a cutoff point over what is or isnt acceptable to you both now.Think of the consequences of random actions and see yourself in a very positive light even if he pays attention to other women at parties as he may be a womaniser at heart and you have family now and need to respect yourself or your family wont respect you!Logically you dont want a Romeo and Juliet type of situation or a Bonnie and Clyde type of thing because good stories come from bad situations that dont make it easy to move forwards in life!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 May 2017):
 It's possible you may hurt each other again and it's also very possible that you may both make each other unbelievably happy for the rest of your lives.
Who knows unless you try?
You've both had chance to mature over the years and I'm pretty sure that you will both know what you want from life judging by the age you've posted.
It sounds like you both want to give it a go, so why don't you just take things slow and see what happens?
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 May 2017):
 It sounds from you as if it could be a possibility. And you clearly would like it to be so.
My advice is to enjoy the journey. Your emotions are probably fizzing and a voice in your head is saying keep calm. Take it easy and enjoy each step on the way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2017): Wow! I congratulate you for your ability for beautiful writing. . I loved your post. Unfortunately I can't advise you what to do as I haven't been in a similar situation, but I suppose like most, although now happily married I do revisit the memory of past lovers and wonder how it would have turned if it had contineued. Could it be loyalty to their memory or simply a yearning to the younger times? However, I am sure some of the readers here have had the experience of going back to a first love and can and will reply to your lovely post.
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