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female
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writes:my daughter is living with her new boyfriend of 4 months. we are really against this.dad roman catholic and mother christian but disapprove also. she just came out of a 6 year relationship that broke up.we have not met new boyfriend yet . she says she does not call him a boyfriend but stays at his place all the time. she is not ready for us to meet him yet.i don't understand this relationship. when she split with the other boyfriend she said she was looking forward to being single for awhile.she wanted to move out on own but couldn't afford to. she is 24. how do we as parents accept this and be happy for her when we are so against this. sad parents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Well I grew up with strict parents. I love that now, but didn't then. I went through some years in my 20's, wanted to be free and see what all the 'fun' was about. Well, it was pretty disappointing wandering through life like a lost kitten. I met a man (when personal ads were the new way to meet people) on a dare with my friend that tried it too. He was my 1st and I got pregnant. (after a year of dating) We married, been together 17 years, but it's been a very rocky marriage. A hard life.I wish people would've told me more stories (maybe I wasn't listening!) of what happens when you walk away from God's direction in your life. Maybe your daughter could be told a story or 2. Peoples lives seem to stick in our minds more than 'preaching' sometimes...hope this helps
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Your life is yours to live, you make the choices how to live your own lives. Your daughter is 24, this is her life, she must make her own decisions, her own choices and her own mistakes in life. If you try to interfere or rule her life in any way, she will just avoid you, or lie to you about what she is doing. Children can't be children for ever, you have done the best you can, you have taught her your morality and tried to make her understand. Hopefully this is just a phase she is going through. After a 6year relationship breaks down, she has probably been sad and lonely and this new guy makes her happy. Isn't the point to make children happy, dose your happiness come first, even if it makes your daughter sad. She knows your views, and she respects you, but she is not you, she has her own path and life to live. The fact that you have strong religious views is already effecting your relationship with your daughter. She is no longer comfortable under your roof, she prefers to stay with her boyfriend and she doesn't want to introduce him to you. As long as you continue to try to make her fit the way you want her to be, instead of accepting her for the woman she is, she will rebel and continue to push you out of her life. You have been good parents, have a little trust that she is doing the best that she can.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 I don't know that you have to accept what she is doing. You try to teach them correct priciples and hope for the best.
The hard thing for me has been letting my daughter know I don't approve of her actions, while still letting her know I love her. I want to stay involved in her life even if she hurts me. It's hard being a parent. At this point she listens to my advice, doesn't always follow it, but at least still communicates. They say to love the sinner and hate the sin. A hard balance for us mere mortals.
FA
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female
reader, Velma +, writes (2 February 2009):
I totally understand, and I and all of my family and my husband's family are Roman Catholic also. It is so wonderful to hear you support what is right as people seem so lax in this area. I support you as parents all the way. I totally take your side and wish I had some answers for you. I have four children, ages 10, 8, 7 and 3 1/2. We are so busy! I hope and pray that they will listen to me and will take the right road when they come to making decisions like this. One thing that you and your husband can definitely do is to pray. If it doesn't help, it can't hurt. All you an do is bring your children up the right way, talk to them and try to set a good example.I certainly can imagine what you are going through. I would be very upset also. If you get a chance, I would try to sit your daughter down and talk to her. I can only imagine how difficult this would be.Also, the other thing to keep in mind is that you don't want to be too harsh because, as I have been told by other parents, if you are, your kids won't come home anymore or won't talk to you at all. I would keep trying. I would tell her that if she would wait for marriage, she would be glad she did. If kids live like this when they are single, who would want anyone so used for a marriage partner? I certainly wouldn't. Try to come up with some good arguments. Hope this helps some. Just out of curiosity, are there other parents who share your views? What is so sad is that so many other parents don't care. They think that if everybody else is doing it, it's okay. Let your daughter know that you would really respect her if she would move out on her own. I hope that I have been of some help, as I have really tried. Again, I have a lot of respect for you as a couple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): The guy below me is right. She is 24 whatever she does is completely up to her. You are doing right as her parents by worrying about her. You are her parents and you did raise her. Sometimes the only thing left to do as parents is trust her to make the best decisions for her life. That is about all you can do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): She IS 24...I know you may have your own personal views but you've raised her and Im sure from how concerned you sound about her in your question that you taught her well and that she has a good head on her shoulders. Now is the part where she has to make the decisions. Succeed/fail, its all up to her now. By the way I do approve of how concerned you are about her though.
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