A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am now dating a guy that I've known for 2 and 1/2 years. We first kind of started seeing each other this summer when I was his mistress while he was living with his ex g/f who was his g/f at the time. She found out that he was cheating on him and moved out. A few months later he and I actually got together. When he and I first met, he wanted to be with me but I had a b/f so eventually he got with his ex. My question is b/c I was the other girl should I be just as worried and am I just wasting my time? Or should I be willing to risk the chance of him cheating on me b/c we're so compatible and have so much fun together?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Cheaters cheat. Certainly your history together is not good. I would dump him. However, I also would not be so hard on myself, i.e., by calling yourself a "mistress" -he was not married. And any sex he had with you, or his ex-girlfriend, was extramarital.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): I wouldn't say dump him... but I would say be aware. Not in a "I don't trust you" kind of way, but just keep your eyes open. Don't make excuses if he starts doing things and saying things that don't seem right.
I'm not saying be paranoid, but because you know that he isn't above being deceitful when it serves him, just don't put on rose-colored glasses if things ever happen that don't feel right.
That said, its precisely for this reason that people shouldn't get involved with married/attached men in the first place. Because even if you "win," you still can never fully relax your guard and trust the other person 100%.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): You are together now and your fear of him cheating on you will be the demise of your relationship. You need to stop these thoughts. We all know affairs are soul destroying, it’s what you do after an affair that’s important. As Sarcy 24 says, “No second chances.” Don’t let fears and insecurities prevented you from possessing the self confidence necessary to love yourself, and connect with your partner.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (4 February 2009):
 Do people change? Does everyone deserve a second chance? Is every man a cheater? We seem to have these absolute rules but we know that they can't always be true. Today a 40 yr old man asked if he was setting himself up to be hurt. My first thought was if you want to be in love, then you will be vulnerable to getting hurt. When I saw this headline my first thought was if you date a cheater you get a boyfriend/girlfriend who is a cheater. Now I'm thinking that isn't a very christian point of view. We believe that people can repent and change. So, what is the right attitude to take in a case like this. I would say Love is a risk, keep your eyes open. Limited trust is the place to start. Then let it build based on performance. I can't say don't let emotion or attraction cloud your judgment, because without them there would be no relationship to build but keep at least one eye open.
FA
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (4 February 2009):
 I know that once a cheater always a cheater is true. My husband left me for another woman and he has since gone on to cheat on her. At first I was delighted as I felt she deserved it by runing my life and my sons but now I just feel sorry for her. My advice would be to put the thought of him cheating out of your head - he is your boyfriend now. Perhaps he only cheated because you were the one he wanted to be with. If however he cheats on you in times to come get rid of him immediately. No second chances or anything because you will then know it is in his nature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): If he did it to her then yes expect it done to you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did mind being the other woman, hence why I ended it. Is it pointless to try to work things out to find out their potential, or just end it now and dwell on the chance idea that he may cheat on me but he may not?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): well he did it to his last girlfriend so expect it on you. Why should you care, you obviously don't mind being the other woman. Now it's your turn.
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