A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hate the situation im in. Me and my ex broke up 4 the 3rd time 5 months ago. It was on/off lots. He wasnt that nice to me.run me down. Made me have real low self esteem. He could b so charming and sweet and hurtful the next. I loved him so much and put him on a pestistal. Thing is i dont really want him back cos of all the pain hes caused. But i think about charming he was in the begining and how he fooled me into believing i was the one and special to him!we had some great times he would know just what to say to make me feel good. Everytime we spilt up he said he loved me so much but we just dont work and hes never felt like this bout anyone b4. Id beg him why r u givingme up then.and then six wks later hed come back saying he realised what a mistake he made and he would change promising allsorts.so i took him back!I think im obsessed with him. I found out yesterday that hes on a dating site and i am too a different one. But i just dont want him to be happy at all after all the pain hes caused me.and yet i dont want him myself. But i want him to linger after me and be miserable and always think what he could of had with me. I know another girl wont put up with the crap i have.or will she and he will change and be lovely to her when thats what i wanted. I think its because i havent got anybody.if i did i would love it and i would love to see me and him together and how happy i am. Just the thought of another girl being all over him. Them being together having fun it makes me feel sick. As hes just a charmer and i know what hes really like.b4 i me him he had slept with over 70 people. Im against allsorts that he does and yet i think bout him constantly. I miss him but he only causes me pain. I just dont want him being happy when he told me how special i was even when i was with him his ex was always after him still.wanting him does he fill us up with this talking so we all linger after him? Its making mad. Its like i want to know everthing he does. But i dont! Help! Im sure its because im lonely.
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female
reader, sweetheart1nonly  +, writes (27 May 2009):
I feel what you are saying cos I am in the same situation. My ex broke up with me over a month and I still love him and want the best for him but of cause I ont want him to be happy with the other person or whoever he may meet as he didn't treat me so great but was very sweet in the beginning. But I have come to realise forgiveness is the best for me to heal even if it's me just letting him go live his life n be happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): one of the hardest truth we all have to come to terms with is that most relationships dont last forever.This is what i will always say!they werent designed to stand all the challenges thrown at them,in ur letter you said this man slept with 70 women b4 you meet do you think that he is after love or want to satisfy his sexual desire?most man use to substitude the word "i love you" with the phrase "i would like to have sex with you"be careful of this.there are many man out there who are commited to give love just look for them.put the past where it belongs in the past and focus on living forward in life,if you are struggling with inner tumour pad yourself on the back for facing things,people who live life in the surface might be fun.remember do not leave your heart behind when you leave the relationship just take it with you so you will still have to love someone you meet in future!!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Two things come to mind. One Stockholm syndrome look it up.
The second and more important is your desire for revenge. Revenge is a nasty cankering soul destroying emotion. It will make you a bitter old woman. For a couple of literary expositions on the subject you could try "The Count of Monte Cristo" or "les Miserables". You have to find a way to put him behind you. It is not easy I had an abusive teacher in grade school that I still have not completely forgiven. On occasion I will think about what he did and it makes me angry 30 years later. Fantasizing about breaking up his relationships or rubbing his nose in yours will keep the emotions fresh in your mind. you need to learn to redirect your thoughts. Stop checking up on his dating site. Avoid him and thinking about him. This is to help you heal. If you keep picking at the wound you will get a big ugly scar.
Good luck with your next relationship, I hope you pick with more wisdom because of your bad experience.
FA
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