A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I posted a question earlier inquiring about my husbands sex/porn addiction and I was looking for somebody that has or has had he problem and stood in his shoes to answer my question for me, but I was not clear enough on why. It has gotten so bad that we are not speaking at all, he does not make the effort to leave, kick me out or do anything to end a situtation that neither one of us are very happy to be in. He tries to make me feel as if I am a jealous, Physco, insecure nut job and that gives him to right to disrespect me and ignore me. Yes, I know I should be the one to leave, it would take time, but I can do it on my own with no help from him, but since he has such strong feelings that he is right and I am crazy, then why would he not do all he can to get me out the door ASAP. I know he is doing this to justify his own actions. My question was more about what is really in his head right now, but I was not clear enough on the reasons why I feel the need to know this. The second answer I got was very insightful, but still did not thouch on what I feel I need to know.One of the answers posted said that I would be stupid to question a man coming after me with an axe and it is equally stupid to question the reasons why when somebody is hurting me in a different way. While this may very well be true, it is also true that once I am away from the man with the ax, I can call the police and have him locked up. I can do something about it, I can be satisfied that justice has been served on my behalf. Will this stop him from later chasing somebody else with and ax? Probably not, but he has done someting to truly disturb me, scare me, damage me, so I still would want my justice just the same. If a rape victim is no longer being raped and it has been 5 years and more then likely her rapist is out there raping and hurting others and all she is to him was the brown, haired b**** in Orlando, why can she not just let it go and enjoy her life? Because others are being hurt, ok, but my husband will hurt others once I am gone too. While I am quite sure she would not want to see anybody else hurt, I don't think that is really it for her and that is not really it for me. Did she ask for it or allow it? No, neither do I. Did she try to get away? Yes, if she is still alive and the truma is over she did get away so again, why is that not good enough for her? Am I capiable of getting away from my truma? Although it is not as easy as people would like to believe, yes I can get away from my truma, but will that erase the damage and scares that will be left on me anymore then it erases the scares and damage left on a rape victim? No. Even if she has gone to counceling and everybody on the face of the earth has confirmed to her that this is not her fault, he is just sick,even if she fully knows and understands each and every reason why he is sick, why can she not say ok then I am all better now? She may at first believe she did something to make this happen, but eventually she knows this is not her fault. She knows that she did not deserve this. So why can she not let it go? Because her rapist may come back to do it again? If he does will that then make it her fault because she should have seen it comming this time? She wants to trust the world and her sorroundings again, does she no longer have a right to this since she has been raped? If he attacks anyone else he is the bad guy, but if he attacks her again then does it become her own fault because this she should have seen it comming and known better? Again, it has been 5 years, everyone has symptyized with her and confirmed it is not her fault. People are trying tough love on her for her own good, so she can get over this and enjoy of life? So why can't she, what does she need before she can move on? Justice! Does she deserve her justice so that she can feel better? Yes. So do I! I have been mentaly raped over and over for the past 3 years, only he will never go to jail for the years of pain and agoney he has caused me. If the only kind of justice that I will ever know is being told by somebody else who has stood in his shoes, "he will never pay while you are there, but yes he will pay when you are gone, he will feel the pain that he has made you feel, that knowledge will probably be the only justice I will ever have. No, I do not want to be lied to about it, but I do deserve this knowledge - one way or the other, whether it makes me feel better or not. I want justice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Just leave the guy, he's not bothered either way, you and him don't suit. If the house is yours then find a way to throw him out. You want justice, for what, your relationship went wrong, he's not the guy for you. Go get yourself a lawyer and start making plans to get a divorce. Your husband ain't fighting to keep you, and he's not bothered about arranging things. Your the one that is unhappy, he won't change, so move out, go stay with some friends and contact a lawyer tomorrow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wish to thank you and ask that you will please excuse this posting. It is not me and I know it is wrong. I am so full of hurt right now that everything in me is looking for some kind of comfort and there is just none to be found. I have been through very hard and challanging times in my life some of them even being very similar situtations in other relationships with other people yet I have never felt pain like this. My husband will no longer speak to me at all and will not allow me to speak to him. This is a silent hell for me and I know I must go, but that takes time, planning and money. In the mean time he heartlessly watches me suffer and offers comfort and kindness only to our dog. I know there are reasons why he is like this that have nothing to do with me. Reasons that were installed in him at one point in his life when he was going through some sort of hell of his own that I do not know or understand. I know to be so consumed in my own pain is wrong and I should be praying for him too. I will.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 January 2009):
 Justice or vengeance? Neither is healing. I've read the entire post and am still not sure what it is you want. It seams to me you live in fear.
What is Justice? Is it an eye for an eye? To make him hurt in the same way that you have hurt for the same time. Will that heal you and make you safe? There is another ruling in the bible. If a person steals a sheep he is required to pay back 4 sheep. So For 3 years of hurting cheating abuse, Justice would demand 30 years of faithful caring love. He would have to make real changes in his self and prove them with time.
I don't know how another person, a stranger can give you justice.
FA
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