A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city..His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companies, so all her friends are models and they keep having parties. She introduced me to one of them, and me and this model guy (K) we really hit it off, it's weird it felt like I've known him forever!We began texting and talking, although it was soo wrong it felt soooo right! I don't know if I'm just attracted to him or I love him, he asked me out last night and we kissed it was the most passionate kiss I've had.My bf's sister knows about this and she said she leaves it to me what I want to do! I spoke to my boyfriend and I told him about K, and he literally broke down and he said he doesn't want me to leave, and I should think about this? I don't know now if I should leave the 6 year relationship for someone I know for 2 months! What should I do?
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 I'm very glad to see that you came to your senses, LOL and have decided to move back in with your parents for a while.
Yes, I suppose K WAS disappointed - but he'll get over it!
On the other hand, your boyfriend must be much relieved to know you are choosing him.
As for the sister, well, I hope she finds a place soon! You must excuse my "cautionary tale" of my experience with a friend of long standing - although she goes to the same church as me (having been a member there years ago) she will be more of an acquaintance from now on......it's all well and good to help someone out, but - and she does have another work assignment and found somewhere else to stay.
Well, all the best to you - try to stay cool in the extreme heat Australia is currently enduring!
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 January 2013):
I'm very glad to see that you came to your senses, LOL and have decided to move back in with your parents for a while.
Yes, I suppose K WAS disappointed - but he'll get over it!
On the other hand, your boyfriend must be much relieved to know you are choosing him.
As for the sister, well, I hope she finds a place soon! You must excuse my "cautionary tale" of my experience with a friend of long standing - although she goes to the same church as me (having been a member there years ago) she will be more of an acquaintance from now on......it's all well and good to help someone out, but - and she does have another work assignment and found somewhere else to stay.
Well, all the best to you - try to stay cool in the extreme heat Australia is currently enduring!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the answers, although some were pretty harsh but may be I deserved it, I don't know what I was thinking..I decided to end things with the model guy (K), he cried and begged me to rethink but I made my choice I couldn't do it, and I've decided to stay with my boyfriend and I've asked K to not come home..I'm moving out of the apartment for a while I just need some time to myself and I need to reason why I was even thinking of leaving such a nice man for someone I knew only for 2 months.When I see my bf now I just burst into tears as to why I would put him thru it, I'm moving into my parents house for a bit, and then when I feel better will start fresh with my boyfriend..as far as K goes he is a nice guy, only if I met him earlier, but I'm committed and I should not hurt someone..anyways thank you for your advise!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): HOW can you do that to your boyfriend? He loves you! He's obviously committed to you, or you wouldn't have been together for so long. Why would you leave him for some model you've only known two months? What you're feeling with this new guy is lust. Plain and simple. You like the idea of something new, because you think the grass is greener with this new dude. It's exciting, it's fresh. But what happens when the new wears off? Will you trade him in as well? Or will Mr. Model cheat on you with some of the gorgeous women he works with?I do NOT think you should leave your boyfriend for this new guy who could turn out to be a complete jerk. Your boyfriend sounds like a very forgiving, good man. (He must be if he puts up with your cheating and still begs you back!) Good men like that are very, very hard to come by. DO NOT let him slip away for this new guy who obviously has no respect for your relationship!Why don't you put your energy into making your existing relationship better? Do new things together, go new places when you have the time. Fall in love with your boyfriend all over again and forget about this selfish model man.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 January 2013):
 I think you should take a break from the relationship with the longterm boyfriend. Despite the length of the relationship, it's obviously on shaky ground if you are interacting this way with someone else. I'd say it's a sign you want to be out of the relationship.
You're basically setting your boyfriend up to break up with you because you have been having an emotional affair.
Go after the hottie but don't expect a guy who's willing to hang out with a woman in a committed relationship to be the non-cheating, stand up kind of guy.
Sounds like maybe the relationship has run its course, if you have to ask this question at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): "The grass isn't greener", "what goes around comes around" and "karma is a bitch"...That was what I thought as I read your post.
Please sit down and have a heart to heart with your boyfriend and break up with him like a lady.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Welcome to your first affair. Thrilling, isn't it? You are now officially the wayward partner, and your boyfriend is the betrayed partner. K is the other man. You may as well start viewing your life this way because that is what it is.
You are seeing the world through a fog. Things that just 3 months ago would have horrified you, you now accept as normal. You don't even seem to see the pain that the betrayed partner is going through.
Recent research says that the thrill of cheating is addictive and that cheaters tend to go on to new affairs frequently.
My advice is that you try very hard to look at the reality of what you are doing before you make any decision.
FA
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 January 2013):
I agree that you need to think things through and take your time to consider the consequences.
I would ALSO add that if you are living with your boyfriend to think about whose apartment it is. Did you move in with him, or did he move in with you?
Because, if he moved in with you, then he'll probably move out if you end the relationship - and then you may still have his sister staying with you. It could make for an awkward situation, even if she says it's up to you what you do.
Not only that, but I see she requested (or your bf did on her behalf) to stay with you for a "few weeks" while she looks for somewhere more permanent.
Believe you me, this is NOT a good idea! If you're not careful, "a few weeks" could easily turn into a few months.
I know what I'm talking about, having taken pity on a friend who was desperately looking for work, came down to DC from her apartment in New York, and was here for three months.
To be fair, I did tell her she could stay here and sleep on the sofa-bed in the living room, but I had to be firm about setting a date for her to move out (12/22). I told her this was a one-time only deal, and that I could not extend the deadline beyond three months (read: "would not"). When one is used to having one's own space, its never a good idea. One more thing before I close: I'd caution you against asking her to contribute to your rent. Why? because if she does, she may well feel she has an "out" to stay as long as she likes. No, if you're going to have her, then set a deadline and stick to it!
Okay, lecture over - good luck!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 January 2013):
You should be able to resist a little temptation if you love your boyfriend.
Also, you're forgetting that new relationships feel perfect. It does now just like it did for you and your boyfriend when you first got together.
As you know that feeling fades, so trading in a good guy simply because you have that feeling isn't the smartest thing to do.
Not to mention you don't know enough about this guy to know if things will be everything you hope if you leave your boyfriend for him.
As pointed out you haven't stated much about your boyfriend. If you would leave him whether or not another man was involved then go ahead and leave him. But don't be at all surprised if things don't go like you hoped.
It just seems that your thinking with your emotions and not your brain. Lust isn't better than love, but it's more immediately powerful and that makes it tempting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): No you shouldn't leave your boyfriend who has been committed to you for 6 years, for some hot-looking guy you've only known superficially for 2 months. That would be very shallow and un-loyal of you. Does commitment mean nothing to you?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Well, let me think, leave the guy you've "commited" to or dump him for a newer version? Duh, I just don't know what if "Mr Really-really right comes along in a few weeks? Do you see a trend here? Maybe you're just a few weeks shy of a commited relationship. We used to call that imature back in the prehistoric age before all this new age of "what if I'm just not happy?" came along (hedonism).
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Yes you should think about this. At the moment the odds are strongly stacked in favour of this being a heavy dose of lust as opposed to love and although you and K have a connection it is an as yet untested one.You and your BF however have a tried and tested one that has lasted the years. So, this is a no-brainer right? Well, not quite. For you to feel the way you do about K suggests that although your relationship with your BF has stood the test of time, it is not all you want and need it to be and this is certainly made more the case that you felt able to kiss K. He is giving you something that your relationship with your BF no longer does. Maybe, just maybe, this is a sign that your relationship has died a death. Indeed, you dont seem to feel much remorse (i'm sure you feel some) and haven't once really spoken about your relationship with your bf in a positive light. My guess is it has been staid and boring and this intoxication with K is exciting you in a way your BF isn't. So, maybe it is time to end things with your BF. However, that does not mean you should leap straight into the aims of K, to do so would probably bring disaster, what you would need to do is take things slow and steady, find yourself a bit more, mourn the passing of your last relationship with due respect and then maybe move things forward with K. However, the choice, as they always say, is ultimately yours, if the flame has died with your BF then let go, in the long run its the best thing for the both of you...however beware of being burned by the flame of your own lust, no matter how alluring it is...
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