A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We came across a sex problem after about 6 mths. The problem was, he couldn't stay hard and we got into an about that aftet it happened several times cuz I was left hanging. Now, its getting worse. I know he had experienced with a vaccuum cleaner and penis pump. Its to the point where he either can't get it up, stay hard, oand stops right when we are fixing to climax. I'm getting very mad and fixing to leave because I yhink he is madturbating because I have noticed some things like the head of his penis peeling like its dry but yet it doesn't happen when things are good with our sex life. He doesn't admit to masturbating and blames it ob sex drive thay older men get but Yet the enhancement pills he was taking worked really good. He stopped them and then restarted bur yet the pills are not working. Could someone please help with advice and what you think mau be happening?
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older men, sex drive, sex life, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): You want to leave him because he can't get an erection, or when he does, he can't keep it for long? I don't want to offend you here, but how shallow is your love and your relationship?
My guess is he's either stopped taking the pills or has run out, and for whatever reason, doesn't want to take them anymore. Perhaps dignity has something to do with it. I imagine its hard for him to know that you think bad of him for having this problem, and also embarrassing enough for him to admit to himself he has this problem.
Why not just sit down and have a mellow talk with him, no raised voices, no fighting or arguing, and try to get to the bottom of this once and for all? Maybe if you show an understanding attitude to his problem rather than a judgemental one, he'll open up to you.
If he's stopped taking the pills, then try to positively influence him to start again, or if they're not working, try some different ones. I really think its a bit extreme to walk away over a matter like this. The only impression that gives is that you're only interested in sex, and now he can't deliver, you're willing to walk away and possibly find it elsewhere, which will send the rest of his confidence down the shoot.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Hi
A vaccuum cleaner? Are you serious?
He needs a doctors help.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Yea if his skin is peeling it could be from lotion or ointment hes using for masturbation or he could have a disease. He could be stressed overweight many factors. Im not afraid to admit I have psychological ED n im only 28. Never taken steroids n am very healthy. In my case ive dealt some unique bad experiences with intimacy n as a result im courteous n dont have a gf til this resolved or she would end up on here lol.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 A vacuum cleaner? Please tell me you meant vacuum pump (penis pump) because if you mean the machine you do the floors with... YIKES.
It is soft tissue, it can be damaged. Penis pumps don't even work and I have read claims that they may even be dangerous.
Pills like Viagra should ONLY be used with doctors advice, they really are dangerous.
I get the feeling BOTH of you need to read of erectile dysfunction and stop expecting the human body to be perfect. When men get older things indeed start to wear down and it doesn't help at all if they neglect their health.
But pressure to perform can make an incidental case into a continuening problem. Nothing like a girlfriend demanding a 6 hour viagra reaction to deflate a guy. Imagine you had to cum like niagra falls every time. Well maybe you do but one day you won't and you can grab some lube or fake it. Men can't.
This really sounds like a male getting older and a non-supportive girlfriend talking him into erectile dysfunction.
Get rid of the pumps, vacuum cleaners are for cleaning, not sticking your dick into and dump the pills. Examine health/eating habits (fat is an erection killer, you need a strong heart for a strong erection), stress and be a bit more understanding when things don't stay up.
Oh and also, both of you might to learn thatjust because IT deflates, it doesn't mean you have to stop doing stuff.
You don't have to be left hanging but you also shouldn't put him on the block. It does NOT work.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 January 2013):
 One additional bit of advice, about the pills not working any more. Increasing the blood flow to the pelvic area will help that a lot. Especially in guys with a big belly. Any exercise that uses the large muscles in the legs will help. I use walking and swimming, but what ever he likes best will work. I have seen some yoga type stretching that they claim will help. I needed more than the stretching.
Also there are non medical causes of ED, including especially Stress. The more you push him the more likely that is to affect his performance.
But do have him talk to a doc about the peeling that sounds scary.
FA
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 January 2013):
 It's peeling? Yikes! I wouldn't have intercourse at all until that's cleared up! He needs to see a doctor big time. Peeling skin isn't part of masturbation.
Did you say he was older? By how much? Many guys have dealt with ED as they aged, so has he also had ongoing medical help for it??
Cerberus is right about his finishing you off before intercourse. Never make the mistake with him or anyone else that the penis has to be the only sex tool in a healthy sexual relationship. Oftentimes, it's inferior to hands, lips, tongues or even sex toys in giving a woman pleasure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): Op he needs to go see a doctor, the skin of his penis is peeling like it's dry? Sounds like a medical issue he needs to get checked OP, I've never had that. Although I'm not an expert on penises seeing as I've only one (my own) my whole life.
He needs to go speak with a doctor about this issue OP and get it sorted medically but I have to warn you, he's probably telling the truth when he says it's just his normal sex drive.
The first 6 months of most relationships is intensely sexual usually, after that or a year things slow down a but to a person's normal sex drive. Of course if two people love lots of sex then they'll continue on that way but one or both have low sex drives then they won't.
Be careful of the dry flaky skin thing, that doesn't sound good. And while he figures out what is wrong then have him finish you off orally, or have him give you an orgasm before intercourse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): What is happening is you are being a bitch and shouting at him when what he really needs is your understanding. Putting too much pressure on him to perform will have the complete opposite effect. In young men these things are usually psychological, and if you make him feel like a failure it will only make it worse. He is probably still able to masturbate because he doesn't get performance anxiety on his own. I'm sure he is just as unhappy as you are with the situation, if not more so, so try to show some compassion instead of making it all about you.
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