A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why do men cheat on their wives my sister is having an affair with a married man it has been going on for 4 years his wife is ill with fibromylagia and arthritis she also sufferes with severe depression. He keeps telling my sister that he is leaving but hasnt done so yet,their affair was found out by her husband and he confronted the other man who denied anything was going on. I am so worried about my sister how should I help her to see the light should I tell this mans wife what is going on or keep quiet.It appears to me that my sister can tear her family apart but as long as this mans wife and children dont find out everything is cool!!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 why do men cheat on their wives? for the same reason women cheat on their husbands. because they can.
he is stringing your poor deluded CHEATING LYING sister along. he's NEVER leaving his wife for her.
and clearly she's not leaving HER HUSBAND for him.
should you say something? NOPE not to your sister (who is wrong) or to this man (who is wrong) or to his wife (who is innocent in this)
A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (31 December 2012):
Any time cheating occurs, regardless of who's doing the cheating, it means someone feels unfulfilled in their relationship.
Think about it. If the relationship were satisfying you, why would you need to cheat? There'd be no rationale for that behavior.
The reasons why cheating occur can be different between men and women, but the fact is cheating is cheating, and it occurs because something is missing.
Men may cheat because their woman is withholding intimacy, or maybe she's letting herself go (in a bad way) by, say, not keeping care of her appearance... Maybe she won't provide some specific sexual act that he really wants... Maybe they are constantly fighting and he's really only looking for the warmth and passion of ANYONE...
Women cheat for many of the same reasons, but women also have been shown to use cheating as a form of revenge or control. Even the threat of cheating will bring most guys to their knees. Women know this and some women who are more vindictive will use it. Other times, women feel emotionally unfulfilled, disliked, or not appreciated in their relationship; for them, it's not about the sex, it's about the admiration and appreciation of a man (when their BF/husband isn't giving it.)
Nonetheless, I agree with the others - other people cheating isn't really your concern. It's best you stay out of it, and let them do their thing. Just as long as YOU aren't a cheater, you have nothing to feel bad about!
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 December 2012):
 Cindy brings up an interesting point. Is a person involved in an affair "mentally incapacitated"? There is quite a bit of research that is saying cheating is like a drug addiction. This could be part of the answer you are seeking.
So Far your sister has been caught, and survived without major damage. Getting away with it is part of the thrill. As long as she is allowed to cheat she will keep doing it. Same goes for men.
Also my own two bits about the adults eventually seeing the light. They live in a fog. They have lost track of reality and are restructuring their memories to help them justify the horrible things they are doing. The only way they will see the light is if they are punished severely for what they are doing. For example, divorce, separation, etc. Though sometimes even that won't work. They will go from cheating affair to cheating affair, forever seeking the one "true love". And, never find it because they left it in the beginning.
Having said that, no you shouldn't become a tale bearer. You will certainly end up suffering for it. There is only a small chance you will help.
FA
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (30 December 2012):
 I agree about the double standard implied by your opening statement. But to answer your question, I do not think you should involve yourself whatsoever. You have no right to try to control another or take someone else's happiness away any more than your sister does. I'd say his wife already has a pretty full plate without you adding to it.The people involved in this are all grown ups who will eventually see the light on their own with or without your guidance. You don't have to pretend to approve, but definitely don't insert yourself. The motives of the man in question seem obvious to me. Clearly he wants the companionship and happiness that he isn't getting at home. With fibromyalgia, arthritis and severe depression his wife is hardly a partner to him. He's pretty much all alone. For all you know he could be taking very good care of her and recharging his own batteries elsewhere. That may also be part of his reluctance to leave her. I don't think it fair to judge him under these circumstances. I'm not quite excusing him, just explaining what his motive might be. This won't last forever. Your sister knows what you think of this so just leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 December 2012):
 The title of this question should read " why do men AND WOMEN cheat on their spouses ? ".
Pardon me, but your sister is married too, and she is cheating too , I don't see how she is less guilty or less responsible than her lover for this situation !
I would not get involved,if I were you, and I would not expose her to her lover's wife. You may understandably feel upset and worried about this, and you may tell your sister your opinion , as probably you did already, but ultimately she is an adult, and not mentally incapacitated, she is the one who should make freely the choices about her life and about her own family , good or bad that these choices may be,
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