A
male
age
41-50,
*lavelove
writes:My wife of 14 years out of the blue while we are lying down cuddling turns to me and tells me she is attracted to someone at work. I was kind of stunned by this and didn't know what to say, then she tells me its her boss. She says she doesn't no why she feels like this cause she is still attracted to me and loves me and our family. Should I have cause to worry about this, I feel worried something can happen and I know her boss is married too. So worried.
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female
reader, odeer123  +, writes (15 September 2013):
 I think I agree with many of those below... It a GREAT sign that your wife is able to tell you this so openly and without secrecy.For starters, we're all human beings, and although we try to put a cap on our instincts, there's no rule that says once you're married all attraction for the opposite sex miraculously stops... Those who try to claim that they aren't attracted to anyone else but their partner is probably lying.So, really, if she's able to be so open about it know, be open with her right back. Tell her if it troubles you. Tell her rather openly that you're worried what she's saying means she's desiring an affair. Clearly, for her, your more than a husband - you're someone she can talk to about everything, and anything, because she trusts you to be there even with the most difficult truths.
A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I think that was very honest of your wife to say that. It was a little stupid because she has now given you cause to doubt but she has perhaps thought of him a few times and felt a little guilty and wanted to share that with you to release some of her guilt. If she says she loves you and fancies you also then I don't think there is much need to worry at all. I suggest you have a good chat with your wife as candidly as she began it and ask her if she told you this because she plans on doing something or has she thought of him a few times and felt guilty about it and thats why she admitted it to you?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Here's what I would have done(not to say I'd still be alive) I'd have said,"You know honey, " I think your boss is hot also,why don't we see if we could work out a three-way some evening?"
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (9 January 2013):
Your answer should have been - "Wow. What a coincidence because Im really attracted to my new admin/assistant/intern/whatever. Im not sure why, perhaps because she's so young and in shape. But I still love you, hon."
I think that would get the message through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Have your ever heard the term work-husband or work-wife? Most people spend at least eight hours a day with coworkers and develop a deep friendship. I think it is only a friendship type a thing. If she wanted more she would not have said a word to you. She loves you and is committed. Just cherish her. Honesty is a beautiful thing.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Slavelove,
I thought I had this answer down until I wrote your Pseudonym down. Now I have a very important question before we can start to discuss this. What is the power balance in your relationship? How much is fantasy play allowed?
This could change the whole picture.
Either way I don't think you have much to worry about.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): She sees you as her best friend and confidant. She told you something thats puzzling her - its weird to be married and love your husband, but still have an attraction/crush on someone else. She was simply verbalizing this puzzling experience she is having. Honestly, its great that she told you. She obviously loves you and likes talking things through with you.However, this also might be an indication that you need to step things up a notch - take her out on dates, make her feel special and beautiful, go to the gym and take care of yourelf. She might need alittle more excitement in your relationship. Also, just to turn things around alittle (so she knows how this feels) I'd gently tell her that you too have a mini crush on someone you work with. I think hearing this might make her realize that things like this are not childs play, can be hurtful to hear and she needs to be more cautious with her feelings. Otherwise, don't worry too much about this - we're all human and not dead once married :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 January 2013):
 She just has a crush. Crushes will fade if she keeps her priorities straight. Don't worry, instead be very loving and understanding. She obviously loves you very much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): You're bound to be worried, that's just a natural response to what she told you, anybody would be.
But, for the simple fact that she was honest enough to tell you, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say there's a good chance she could/would resist any form of sexual contact with him. If she wanted to lie and cheat on you, the last thing she would do is be honest with you about her feelings towards him, and put you in the picture.
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