A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Need some serious help from you cupid experts so i hope i can try make this short.recent behavior from my gf is worrying me, or maybe its 'affirming' my intuition about what women really want and what there true agenda is. Basically me gf's behavour has been really emotional/erratic/ in past months as she seems to be accusing me a lot about everything latley, from cheating to doing dishes, little things at home she will start an argument over, such as if there is a small mess (when there really is no mess, few particles - no joke PARTICLES) She will be like '' you never ^^^^^^ clean the house!!'' screams.She literally, orders me to pick up stuff, just whole bunch of ^^6t, which funny enough, i do myself without her telling me.Then when i tell her that i do a lot of stuff around the house, which i do, she still screams, she accuses me of talking to girls behind her back EVEN if these girls are just freinds? I told her they are just freinds, which they are, and honestly last time i spoke to one was weeks ago, and she thinks id o it everyday!! What should i do? its getting beyond a joke, by the way we live togather for past 5 months, we have been togather for 14 months.PRIOR to moving in, everything was fine, we had our odd little ups and downs, mini arguments which last hour or so then we txt/call to make up, everything was great at the start. Now all these Untrustworthy/jelousy issues are creeping,and to be honest when she gets jelous or seems like she cant trust me, now i feel she is doing something sus. it is damaging us, and no matter how hard we try fix it, the issue will creep up several weeks later. Its like she EXPLODES with anger, she can go very lovey dovey to syko in minutes, she has hit me before but only once, she has thrown stuff at me, nearly broke my fone (well techincally hers) since she bought it for me, and thats another thing, SHE BUYS ME A LOT OF STUFF.I always tell her to not spend her money, i refuse her things, yet she does. I notice tho when she buys me things she treats me like Rubbish , its like she is using me as emotional punching bag if she buys me unnecessary things. Yes she does chip in alot with money and so do i. We half everything, we are like BEST MATES our relationship can be described as that lol. But there are a few things that worry me a lot.. Let me continue. She has in past talked to a guy behind my back,and met up with him and stayed at his house, she did this because i did flirt with one girl at the beggining of our relationship, but to me it wasnt flirting we just had a convosation and she said it upset her and she did it as retaliation, but she said she 'never slept with him' the guy she stayed at the house only 1 night. During that night she was not answering my calls or txts. We both decided to delete these people frmo facebook and our life and move on. Everything was going back to normal and great, i admit i fucked up, but NEVER again.. I would never cheat and i dont consider flirting cheating but it upset her a whole heap. Now 3 months later i found out she was still talking to this guy behind my back using a fake profile on fb. Dont ask me how i just saw it and she said it was nothing and they are just rfeinds. Anyway i then realized i aint playing the dumb guy anymore, we were slowly destroying eachother. So i said i am leaving, she said she wont talk to him every again, because i gave her a ultermatim, me or him. We remained in relationship. Now 5 months later, same issues creep back up i cant get the fact she might be doing something behind my back, so my ability to love her has been compromised. but the 'emotional fights' have only started recently since few months ago and i want to know what you guys think could be triggering it? She said lastweek ' i am only guy she wants to marry ', but then why does she get so pissed off at me when i do nothing wrong? WOMEN please i am asking you this question, why do women do this? During and before our relationshiop, she has said she loves me 'forever', has pictures of me and her on her facebook saying love forever, and forever till marriage and beyond etc. So as you can tell, i am confused by her behavior , to what she says.. one min she is fine next she is very emotional. This is my first time living with a woman. LOL.Sound kind of stressed huh? haha, rreally tho, what should we do any REAL advice would be great. Few nights ago i told her i am not ready for relationship and need time to think. Only reason i would leave is because of her mistrust about the fake acount and talking to that guy, how do i know she is not doing it still today? she has said couple days ago that she doesnt even care about that anymore its old news. So i was like hmm we will see. but ye ,, I am sort of rambling as i write this, not pre written,its coming as i think. Do i believe her and stay with this woman or move on? Also on another note so you dont get a biased story, I did loose my job 3 months ago, but that was because i am a DRIVER i deliver products, i lost my licnese because i was driving over to see her as we were in a argument. But thats no excuse either, i am inbetween jobs. But by no way am i a lazy person. I still pay rent and help around house and am loyal and ALWAYS there for her. Do you think these issues we are having are normal in relationships? and i think to much? she told me other day i worry to much, but how can i when she acts and does things which push me away? esp being moody 24/7. It feels like our love is not there anymore, but on the flip side she says things like we are gona get married etc LOL. PLEASE if anyone can make sense. You are more then welcome.regardsConfused guy
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): I was in a similar relationship. I was too immature for the relationship and I acted just like your girlfriend. Living together is such a huge step in any relationship. I found out my guy was YAHOO messaging his ex while I was at school during the day and he lied about it telling me she was someone else. I lost his trust for awhile and accused him of talking to girls behind my back. I admit I was a little psycho but I WAS HURT. My boyfriend would yell at me if I did not clean "the right way." Also, with you not working probably puts a strain on the relationship. You also need to put an end to her buying you things especially if you are NOT buying her things. If I bought my boyfriend things all the time and did not get me anything in return I would be upset, so put an end to that NOW. Depending on how old you guys are I would say move out if you are in your early twenties. Both of you sound like you are not ready to further committ to each other. My suggestion: Pack up and GO! This will be a never ending cycle with you guys until she learns to calm down which she won't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): She sounds like my ex-husband who was very abusive. Yes women can be abusive too. my advice would be to move on.sounds like she is being abusive and doesn't respect you. you deserve better than how she is treating you.and the fact that she is accusing you of things that aren't true is showing that she is feeling guilty.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Living with her is like being in a bootcamp and training you to be the most compliant, loyal, and perfect boyfriend. When you fall short of her expectations, she "punishes" you by talking to other guys, hitting you and destroying your things. When you do the right things she rewards you by saying she loves you and will marry you. No one is perfect and no one can be like a dog standing on hind legs at all time. This is no way to live. She is controlling your every single action and taking your manhood away because she believes men are pigs and should be controlled through money and fear. She loves you in her own sick way. You do not, and should not agree with her kind of love. She believes that manipulation is the only way to get things from men. It is a waste of breath to argue with her. You can't reason with her and she will always twist your words and turn it around and blame you.
When you say that women have an agenda, that we are demanding and expect only decent and hard working guys, you can say that's true. Just never stay with a woman who hit you, okay? It can turn really ugly. You don't want your kids to be hit by mother either. On the other hand there are submissive women who get walked over by abusive men.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 January 2013):
 Dear confused,
Let me set the record straight for you.
She is abusing you.
She does not respect you.
She is treating you like a girlfriend, not like a boyfriend. Probably because she doesn't know how to treat a boyfriend.
The only way you will get her respect is if you move out. You need to demonstrate that you can live without her. Then she needs to earn your trust back.
FA
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