A
female
age
,
*avanna
writes:My husband confessed to me last night that he wants to wear panties and be dominated by me. I am a submissive person by nature and was kinda sick by his fantasy. I like a manly man!I know he has talked about this and has acted on it with another woman I caught him at her house on his way to work and he was getting a pair of her panties on!He said he was afraid I wouldn't understand his need and this woman is by nature very dominate. He has been secretly seeing her.I need to know how to deal with this and know how to become more dominate! Not interested in losing my marriage over it.Thanks for your advise Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 January 2013):
 Many powerful men want to be submissive in the bedroom.
try this:
when he comes home, greet him at the door (if you can) wearing something black and leather... go to the "adult toy store" and purchase some BDSM toys... a blindfold... some soft hand ties... a small riding crop....
grab him by his shirt and say "come on big boy your MINE tonight" do not let him object.
drag him (literally pull him by his shirt or better yet a tie if he wears one) to your bedroom.
shove him back on the bed....
straddle him sitting on top of him your legs astride his hips... slapping the riding crop in your hand say to him
"tonite you're mine and I'm in charge"
then remove his clothes, lay him on the bed... tie his hands to the headboard/bedframe (lightly)
blindfold him...
and give him a blow job.
see how that works.
and let me know if he likes it... we can come up with more fun and games...
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Savanna,
This book comes highly recommended. http://www.amazon.com/The-Mistress-Manual-Female-Dominance/dp/1890159190/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Also If he is at about your age looking into his testosterone level could be helpful. Especially if this is a fairly recent development in a very long term relationship.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
For some men domination is not about sex it's just about the domination.
IF he wants to wear panties and he wants to be dominated but you are bothered by this and he can find a woman to dominate him and let him wear the panties, and then come home to love on you, I would suggest letting him have his dominatrix but the sex has to be with you.
BDSM is not always about the sex.
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A
female
reader, Savanna +, writes (14 January 2013):
Savanna is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate...In every way our marriage is awesome except for the sex potionHe seems to need this and I think if I needed something in the same way that he would try to help me.I have tried a threesome with him and her so that we all could enjoy sex and I did see he was attracted to her dominate way.I am totally opposed to him seeing her alone as he has done.Maybe I just need a confidence booster and that is why I am asking how to be more dominate.Does this make sense to anyone can anyone see my predicament?I am a push over and I know it so I want to change thatThanks for all the advise
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): We're here to help CMMP and that can't always be achieved by answering a person's question literally and ignoring the underlying issue.
If a girl asked me how she can close her mind when father molests her I'm not going to answer her question alone because I see a deeper issue in that, that is way more important.
What I see here as the main issue is his cheating regardless of the question.
If she'd decided to do this after she'd resolved the whole cheating and this wasn't merely an attempt by her to fix the cheating and stop him doing so then why even mention that part?
CMMP feel free to ignore the big picture but maybe you should have paid closer attention to what she said here "He said he was afraid I wouldn't understand his need and this woman is by nature very dominate. He has been secretly seeing her.
I need to know how to deal with this."
It's pretty clear she sees her taking on a role she thinks he needed from this other woman will help her deal with his infidelity, if you can't see that fair enough. But it's right there written pretty clearly.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
Obviously the fact that he cheated would be a concern to you guys but she didn't ask about that did she? Her question wasn't "how do I trust my husband again?" or anything of the sort. For all you know she worked that out herself (without your input) and decided to be dominant to satisfy her husband.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Sorry, that's supposed to be "can't" force yourself.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (14 January 2013):
Cerberus hit the nail right on the head. your problem isn't how to dominate your "panties wearing" hubby - your problem is that your hubby has been cheating on you. THAT is what you should be concerned with.
You can force yourself to become something you're not comfortable with, and your husband is just making excuses because he got cough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Hang on just a minute, am I the only one here who sees something completely off about this situation in terms of the fact that your husband has been cheating on you, used this as his excuse and now you think that his excuse is a reasonable one and that you think by changing to become more like what he says he wants you can save your marriage? Really? Is it really just me who sees to complete lack of logic here?
I'm sorry OP but this situation is nothing like the others think it is and in no way will you changing to satisfy his supposed fantiasies save your marriage or stop him cheating. If you ask me he was just saying that to cover his own ass. Sure it may be a real fetish for him, but what you seem to be dismissing or perhaps don't even see is that he has basically told you that she's better than you and he needs to be with her because he feels you're inadequate.
He was afraid you wouldn't understand his need, more afraid of that than the consequences of cheating? Oh fuck off, what a poor excuse and unfortunately you've bought it hook, line and sinker.
Now I have no problem with men wearing panties and I love being dominated too from time to time even though I'm a dominant butch type. But how the hell can anyone justify cheating in such a way as to say you wouldn't understand, I had to, is beyond me. It's the lowest you can go and it puts the blame on you and here you are fully convinced that you not being dominant enough is why he did this. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit, he cheated because he's a douche that saw an opportunity to do so and he got caught so he made up this bullshit excuse.
OP are you really that scary or closed off that he couldn't, in your years of marriage tell you he liked to pinned down and ridden like cowgirl on a horse? Something tells me you're not, the very fact you'd willingly be open to trying such things tells me you're not some scary she demon that he can't talk to about stuff, in fact OP you'd have to be a dominant kind of woman in the first place to be that scary.
Becoming more dominant will not work, that was just an excuse he made up when he caught with his panties on with another woman. He cheated OP, and he fucked you over and you see this as your fault and something you have to try and fix? A tad backwards if you ask me.
Now I do think you need to become more dominant but not in the bedroom but in your relationship, you are being walked all over right now and are willingly bending over and letting him fuck you over OP. You think you trying to make amends for something he did wrong is going to fix this? Aw come on OP, surely you're wise enough to know that's not how things work. If he gets away with it this time then he's free to do whatever he wants because he crossed a huge line here and you're the one who feels you've done wrong by not being a woman who you're not.
You say you like manly men, so why the hell are you even contemplating trying to appease a sissy like this? (not because of the underwear/dom play stuff but the fact he weasled out of this and won't take responsibility for any wrong doing).
OP a woman who lets a man walk all over her like this is not capable of dominance, she's not even capable of preserving her own dignity for god's sake. You have no strength, no conviction and you seem to be perfectly willing to let this douche do the worst things imaginable to you and get away with them with a pathetic excuse that shifts the blame onto you? And your way of solving this is to become more like the woman he cheated on you with? Oh my god OP, where does any of that make sense to you?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
Before just diving into being the dominant one over your panty wearing husband you may want to remember how important respect is. If you can imagine respecting him after seeing this side of him then move forward (how? I don't know).
But if you feel like you risk losing your respect for him then you should be careful.
This may not be for everybody, but there are professionals that will dominate your husband for you. Sort of like a therapist I guess but it's an outlet for these guys when there wife wants nothing to do with it. Maybe you can let him see one of those people. Sex is not required and may even not be the norm.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 January 2013):
 This issue will remain until/unless you and hubby put it before yourselves and determine just how to reconcile it. AND, you (both) may choose to do this in concert with a professional (a counsellor) who can help you give structure to just where you (2) are, and where you can go from here.
He probably will not/cannot make wholesale changes in his desires for the C/D-ing; but may be more amenable to tempering his submission fetish (submissive self)....
You will have to look at, and assess, your feelings about both of these aspects of you and him and your relationship/ marriage....
IF both of you are open to making the necessary adjustments, you (and he) may be able to survive your knowing this part of who your hubby "is." If either, or both, of you declines to make adjustments to the other's desires and point-of-view, then you may have to steel yourself to learning that your marriage cannot survive this...
Good luck....
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