A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm four months pregnant with my first child. Overall, things have been going well in my relationship with my husband. My sex life isn't quite what it used to be, but it's not like we don't have sex at all. (And not because I don't want to!)Over the last week, I've been getting this funny feeling like something isn't right, like my husband might be hiding something. The only physical evidence I've gathered is that he recently deleted his web history on his phone, and I know it has nothing to do with porn, because the history that was still there (ie most recent) was porn. Porn does not bother me and he knows that (we sometimes look at it together), so what else would he be hiding?Another thing that threw me off was the other night he told me that he had a dream about making out with another women under a blanket in the same room as me, but without me knowing. When he told me, he seemed upset that he had the dream and felt guilty for having it, and even though it made me feel uncomfortable, I told him it was just a dream and that it's probably just because he's horny, which turned out to be the case. I'm trying to stay level headed about all of this and not let my hormones and emotions get the best of me, but something is rubbing me the wrong way, and I'm loosing sleep over it.I confronted my husband recently of this anxiety, and he told me that I have nothing to worry about, that he's committed to me, and that it's just hormones. I've had this feeling before, and had suspicions about my husband (before we were married), but nothing really surfaced. I don't know what to do; I'm having a hard time shaking this, and I know it's not good to be this stressed out while pregnant.
View related questions:
horny, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I haven't done a dream analysis in a very long time. This one seem to fit quite nicely. Blankets in dreams usually stand for Warmth, Love, Security, and Protection, but some times they are a warning that you are covering something up. This is a first pregnancy so it is a major change of life for both of you. It is not unusual for the man to get unexpected cold feet at this stage. His worries are not the same as yours. He is thinking about medical costs, long term financial planing, in genera money worries. Those worries are affecting his feelings but he doesn't want to worry you with them. He needs to be the Rock of your life right now, and in order to do that he is hiding, or covering up his feelings, and anxieties. His subconscious is giving him the nudge to be more open with you.
Jannie is quite right that he is likely feeling a bit nostalgic for his free single youth. Having children is a whole new level of commitment. But, playing a jealousy card or removing intimacy is never a good way to strengthen a relationship. It's been over 15 years since we were pregnant. I still miss the intimate moments of feeling the baby kick. There are intimacies other than sexual that you can use to pull him closer. He needs to be closer now.
FA
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I would suggest you not to use sex to mend the bond. You've had trust issues before you married, that made you look in his phone again. I am not 100% sure he feels guilty about that dream. I am suspicious there is a possibility that he is telling you that to prepare for an exit. Either this or he is just plain stupid.
I understand the importance of communication but I feel with this guy you won't get truthful answers. His words are telling me he is not too thrilled about marriage life with a kid, and is missing his single years, carefree but he is attached to you, a wife figure.
Greener pasture syndrome, we all have that. Rubbing this in your partner's face isn't cool. You don't have to share every single thought you have. There comes a time when sharing honest feelings can be harmful. It's okay to feel stress about adding another family member. It's not okay to hope for what you can't have. Tell him a similar dream that you are making out with another guy, and you also feel very guilty about this dream.
Tell him you are not censoring him from expressing feelings, just make him aware that what he says can affect you and your ability to be open to him. It makes you want intimacy less.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 January 2013):
 I delete my history sometimes.. it just gets cumbersome.
I have a feeling it's pregnancy hormones... they make us crazy.
why would he TELL you about a dream to worry you if there really was something going on?
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (24 January 2013):
As you stated you are now loosing sleep and that is not good at all when you're pregnant. Because of your condition. I would suggest to go to you doctor first and talk things out with him/her. Maybe s/he might advise that you and your husband attend a counsellor together. Because at this stage you need all the help you can get for Peace of mind. Best Luck Nora B,
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Sounds like something's not quite right! If you have had these feelings before while you were not pregnant, then maybe its not the hormones making you feel this way. Deleting his web history seems fishy and I could imagine how suspicious you would feel. Maybe he is snooping on the net and his dream made him feel guilty? If you don't have any other evidence then it's hard to pin point. Keep an eye on it but try not to lose sleep, try yoga or a little light exercise and sleepy tea to help you sleep. Pregnancy can test both parties and sometimes people do different things and behave in different ways. Maybe ask if he needs to get anything off his chest. Let him know he can trust you and not to be afraid to open up to you. Maybe you could open up to him about something that has been on your mind let him know that you want to sustain an honest relationship for you and the child. Gain his trust! Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (24 January 2013):
There is probably a good reason why you're feeling this anxiety.Is there anything at all that's ever happened between you two that might give you good reason to worry?Have you maybe experienced some hurt in past relationships and are just having a hard time not transferring that to your current one? (This is very common, by the way.)You said you had anxieties before you married. What kinds of things caused this?It sounds like you two are generally pretty open, you even watch porn together. (How many guys wouldn't like that!) He was open about his strange dream (which, by the way, I've had similar dreams while in relationships and don't even understand why myself, and it doesn't mean that he has any plans to act on them.)Just telling a guy "I feel something's off but can't explain it" won't help him understand why you feel this way and won't help him help you feel better.Think deeply about why you feel anxiety and figure out a way to put it into clear, concise words that will help him understand your fears. Just thinking through it deeply yourself might help you gain some perspective. Some if it could be hormones from your pregnancy too - do consider that when you think. Once you have a way to pinpoint your feelings, have a talk with him and this time explain, calmly, why you're feeling what you're feeling. I'm sure if he's committed and loving he'll want to help you deal with this together.Best of luck!F
...............................
|
