A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with some one. They are someone who has been a very good friend for a while. I know that he doesn't feel the same way. But the problem is I need to adjust our friendship without ruining it by letting him know how strongly I feel. I havne't always felt this way, its developed over time. We always party together and for a while now thats included getting drunk and making out - it doesn't mean anything and we always laugh it off in the morning. But the last couple of times my friend has tried to take things further than just a kiss. He's always talking about how he doesn't want a relationship right now and is looking for no-strings - thats not something I would normally frown on. I just can't do that with him, because I already feel a bit too much. Thing is the difficult thing is having to keep knocking him back without explaining the real reason why. I don't want to stop seeing him as a friend, and I make up any excuse I can to see him. But I don't know how to make him stop trying to push things without freaking him out by telling him how i feel. What would you guys do?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Just say you don't agree with this FWB thing. You make it sound like falling in love is a weak thing and your attitude is already apologetic. In fact he's the weak one because he doesn't have what it takes to fully give to a woman. Always remember it's about him not you. It's not that you are not beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough for him to call you girlfriend. There is no need to tell him you fell in love with him. Stop seeing him and he'll get the message. He's stopping you from meeting a real man wanting a real relationship and you are stopping him from getting his blue balls relieved.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 Sorry to have to tell you, but he clearly is not in love with you - even though he regards you as a friend.
He has told you (many times, apparently) that he doesn't want a relationship - that means with you, with anybody - but is just looking for "no strings." Read that as "I just want to have sex with you, any old time, and that's it; nothing more."
You told us his attitude is something you don't approve of -and rightly so. Why should you allow him to use you to gratify his own desires without anything else involved?
You want a relationship; he does not. If you give in to his demands you'll be miserable in fairly short order.
Under NO circumstances should you tell him you're falling in love with him! Doing that would only give him "ammunition" to push his agenda. You COULD tell him flat-out that you're not going to get involved in a "friends with benefits" situation with him. BUT be prepared for the fact that he might not accept that and may well try to sweet-talk you out of it.
Stand up for your own well-being,your dignity and self-respect and what you really want - a loving, caring full relationship with a man for whom sex is part of your interaction, rather than the sole ingredient. He's not the man you can form that kind of relationship with from what you describe.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 June 2010):
 I don't know how much of a friend he is if he can't take no for an answer. Why should you have to explain or give reasons? Just say no. You are not some s%%t that have to say yes to everyone. You don't want to go further with him. Say no. If he can't accept that while still be your friend, then he wasn't much of a friend after all, only someone looking for sex.
If you are in love with him, and he has said he doesn't want a relationship.. clearly he is not thinking of you as relationship material. The best would be to distance yourself from him before you let him use you.
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