A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:just recently me and my bf have been having an aguement concerning anal sex. he absolutely loves it which i appreciate, however its just not my thing. it makes me really uncomfortable and i dont enjoy it. on a couple of occasions when he has asked me for it and i have made it clear that i dont want to then he will go ahead and try to put his penis in anyway. this really upsets me and i feel that one day he may cross the boundaries further and just force me into. now just to make things clear we are very happy our relationship is like any other with the ups and down but in general we are very happy together. the only thing that really bothers me is that he dosent appear to respect the fact that ive said i dont like anal. my bf is the first person i ever did anal with and at the time he told me that if i didnt like it we could stop and he would never mention it again but since then its been a never ending battle. when i tell him no sometimes he will whine and ask me why and when i tell him why he trys to persuade me or make deals with me. the last deal he made with me was that we could do it on our anniversary. i guess what i would to know is if any one else has found themselves in the same position and what they did about it. i love my bf to peices and i dont want this to be something to spark up arguements anymore. he knows how i feel about anal but he just dosent seem to be listening any more. is there anything i can do? are there any steps to take to get him to stop pestering me for something that i dont want to do. i appreciate all advice given.
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anal sex, anniversary, spark Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advice. i have listened carefully and though some of you may think its a bad idea we have chosen to work things out. in regards to the situation i have posted here we have both agreed that we need to respect each other more so we agreed no more anal sex. we are now looking at others ways to enjoy sex. thank you again for your opinions and advice you have been very helpful xx
A
female
reader, GoingThruASpell  +, writes (29 June 2010):
Wow, I agree with Tisha. DUMP him. He demands his own satisfaction that way even tho he KNOWS you dont want to and are physically uncomfortable while he is going to town on you! Would you do something to him sexually that you knew hurt him? Would he let you? I don't think so. DUMP him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): Hi, Just read some of your page. Look he's not acting out of LOVE. Sorry to tell you this but he's a BUM. no pun intended. GET RID NOW. Look at all the other advice.....??THINK
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Listen to Tisha she's scarily wise x
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 You have tried to make him see you don't like anal, and he refuses to listen.
You ask if there is anything you can do. There is. end it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 If you are really and truly sincere about getting him to shut up about anal sex, you have to do something really serious that will completely get his attention and teach him a big lesson.
The next time he brings it up, whining, and you say no, the next time he tries to stick his penis into an unprepared anus, you break up with him. That instant, that moment. You do not joke around, you don't mess around, you don't cry, you don't do anything except tell him "that's IT. I have HAD it with the anal sex. I HATE IT and I HATE that you are trying to make me do it. I am DONE with this and I am breaking up with you because YOU DO NOT GET IT."
Then you leave, you don't enter into discussions, you don't negotiate, you show him that you are in deadly earnest about this. This is a non-negotiable item that is off the sexual menu. If he can't get that, you are GONE.
Let him stew and grovel for a few days. If he doesn't do his damnedest to get you back, then he's a fool and you are better off without him.
The key is that you have to be prepared to walk away from him, and be utterly and sincerely sorry that he's driven you to it but you can not and you will not tolerate the disregard for your health and your feelings.
If he doesn't start listening after that, he is a lost cause.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): If you have made your feelings perfectly clear, and he doesn't repect your wishes, then I'm afraid he doesn't respect you, or love you enough. If you are uncomfortable/in pain, or simply don't like it, that should be enough for him.
It sounds like it's more about what HE wants. When you truly love someone, you don't want to hurt them either physically or emotionally. He appears to care more about his desires than about making you unhappy. There are LOTS of great things to do in bed besides anal. And with anal, unless both parties want to do it and are totally into it, it's usually a disaster.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Dump him seriously dump him!!
He absolutely no respect for you at all.
If he did he would have stuck to what you both agreed in the first place & never mention it again.
Hes never going too let it go as for trying to do it againt your will...that's practly rape I would turn round & tell any man to f**k off if they tried that with me!!
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A
female
reader, ttunipp +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I can see this must be a tricky situation for you.
I understand that you do not want to have anal sex with your partner and you want you sexual needs met also you have to think that your partner needs his sexual needs met. You have said that you have tried it with him and it wasn't very pleasant. Where you too tense? Did you use A LOT of lube? Did he ease you into it? There are many many factors you have to take into account with anal penetration. You do not just force it in...ouch! If you really really do not want to do this with him and will not be persuaded in anyway shape or form then you simply have to put your foot down. No means No! If you partner still gets angry offer to try a different position with him that may be more full fulling and maybe a little bit more exciting. If this still does not please him you may have other issues within the relationship.
Good luck and if you need anymore advice do not hesitate to ask.
Fiona.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): If it's physically uncomfortable then you deffinately have a right to say no, does he know it's painful for you? What does he say about that?
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