A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a long one, but please bare with me. About two months ago, I 'gave myself away' to a strange guy I barely knew (for LESS than ONE day. Can you believe that ? :-/).I met him at the park around the corner from my house. My friend and I had went there like we usually did every Sunday. Well, he came later and approached me (I was minding my own business, I had no intentions of talking to him first). I was flattered by his attention pretty much. I gave him my # because he kept asking me "are you single? are you single?". Anyway, after I went home, he called me and told me to come back to the park, so i did.. and then after a while i told him i had to leave so he volunteered to walk me home. I let him. on the way he said I was cute and asked me out. So I said yes (WHY DID I SAY YES??, WHY???.)..anyway way we hugged (I'm a person who likes to hug) and i went in. And ugh. He kept calling me and calling me afterwards. I thought he'd never leave me alone. On the second or third conversation on the phone he asked me ...'are you a virgin'? (I'm thinking that that was supposed to be the 1st red flag..was it?) and i told him i was and stuff. and then he asked me stuff like if i wanted to see his 'thing' and finally, he asked me if I wanted to have intercourse. And, stupidly and absent-mindedly, I said 'YES'. That's right. I said 'YES'. and it's all my fault. It was against my better judgement and I KNEW better than to give myself away to an almost-stranger. I guess I said it because I didn't want to pass up this opportunity. I REALLY wanted to see what intercourse was like. I was eager. And I was almost 20 so I thought it was about time that I 'lost it'. And, I thought this guy was so nice and sweet, and I guess I thought I would come off as kind of mean if I said no. so I was like, 'why not?'. and i was thinking 'what's the worst that can happen?' I was wrong. very very wrong. At first, he was trying to get me to come to his house and 'do it' that night because his father wasn't home. But I kept telling him "no, not tonight" because I still live with my mother, and she was going to become suspicious if I leave at midnight to do something and it's not like she wouldn't let me go wherever i wanted to go of course, I was 19, but i didn't want her to be questioning me (it's out of the ordinary for me to go out at midnight and she knows it). Well, the next afternoon I met up with him and I kept telling him "I'm nervous. I'm nervous" and he actually told me I didn't have to if I didn't want to. (that kind of has me questioning if he used me or not, though. If he REALLY wanted to use me, he wouldn't have given me a choice would he, because he wanted intercourse so much from me? idk) but I kept insisting that I still wanted to do it. I really did. I was eager, like i said before. Anyway, we did it. Not 'all the way' because it hurt like I don't know what, but still, we did it. And I told him I wasn't ready for him to go all the way in so he stopped. I noticed he was quiet afterwards. I asked him 'what's wrong?' and he said nothing was wrong. I had to go so I kissed him goodbye (I REALLY wish I hadn't done that) and said 'see you tomorrow'. He called me after I got into my house saying he was going to his mom's house and asked me if i had minded that. I said 'no?' and he said 'bye'. I had NO earthly idea that that would be the last I heard from him. Days passed without any contact from him. I called his dad's house a few times, no answer. I uh, found his facebook online a couple weeks later, and still, not getting why he hadn't called me, I messaged him asking why he stopped contacting me. I know now that I shouldn't have done that either, but at the time I didn't think it would hurt to ask. I thought that if you wanted to get what you want, then take a chance and don't always play it safe. (So I 'took a chance' and messaged him).It looked like he didn't get on that often. But over a month after I sent that message, I noticed I couldn't find his Facebook anymore (I just happened to search him again). He deleted it. I'm pretty sure he chickened out and deleted his Facebook because of that ONE MEASELY message I sent him. [well I'm not 100% sure, but I'm almost positive that's why he deleted it- because of that message). Anyway, I never heard from him again. And again, I know it's ALL MY FAULT and I disrespected myself by giving it away and if I hadn't have done that, then MAYBE he would still be with me because he would've known I respected myself. But then again, if I had said 'no' (which I SHOULD HAVE done) maybe he would have left me anyway because I wasn't interested. I just don't know. All I know is I was definitely in the wrong and I didn't know it would have such an emotional effect on me. I kind of beat myself up every day because of it. I've learned my lesson and since then, I've told a different guy that I'm not ready for things like pleasuring or foreplay or anything sexual and I was confident about it too. I've been told a lot of times that I'm naive and I'm wondering if naivety played a part in this, because I trusted that this guy wouldn't dis me or leave me (at the time he seemed like the type that wouldn't do that), but he did. I just want you, the reader, to know that I'm not stupid or anything. I was just inexperienced. Anyway, the question is: was this guy just using me and had planned it all from the beginning? or do you think he left because of my disrespectful move (giving myself away)? Either way, I've really learned my lesson. But please don't judge. thanks for reading and answering :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ the last answerer (anonymous): thank you so much for your story. At first I was feeling a little bad but I know now that I'm not the first or last one to have done that at my age. It's no big deal as some people are trying to make it. You live and you learn. Just as long as you don't keep making the same mistakes again and again, you're just fine :)
thanks again for your answer.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): I lost my viginity to a guy i'd known for a mere 4 hours. I was really stupid and naive and feeling like an old virgin at 24. But do you know what, after beating myself up and realising how stupid i was ... i came to accept my decision and the fact i couldn't change it so i just learnt to live with it and moved on. It worked, i don't feel like i did about the whole thing. I sometimes think that maybe that for me was how it was supposed to be because it perhaps stopped me making making further stupid mistakes. Sometimes you got to burn yourself to know you won't touch the fire again etc. By the way, its not a mistake if you can learn from it so try not to be too hard on yourself ... yeah, you trusted too easily but i imagine you won't trust so easily again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I just want to thank everyone who answered.
Like I said, I've learned from this experience and I'll use it against any such requests in the future.
As for the second answerer: I think "scary" is a strong word. It's not that I have a distorted view of the world or anything. I was just too trusting. And I KNOW I'm maturing because I'm learning. It was just ONE mistake, and I'll never make it again. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has learned this lesson (or something similar. It's just that I learned it later. I think it's better than having this experience at 13, 14, and 15. OK?
Thanks again for answering :)
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Oh lawd. Yes, OF COURSE he was just using you! He pressured you into agreeing to have sex with him, and once he got what he wanted - a conquest - he was "outta there."
The truth is that he MIGHT have respected you for saying "no" and sticking to it. At this point, who knows?
Men and boys tend not to think much of any woman who "gives it up" so easily. There's also the fact that you betrayed your mother's trust. I'm sure she would have been very concerned if she knew what had gone on.
I'm sorry. At least you can thank your lucky stars you didn't end up pregnant, or catch an STD.
Well, what's done is done. You have to put it behind you now and as you said, learn from this experience. Keep the lesson in mind when next you meet a guy.....
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (29 June 2010):
 What you have to do is put it behind you. You were not with him long enough to have a bond with him so there is a chance that he was probably only interested in sex since at that moment that was the only connection you two had. Don't blame your self for it just becareful next time, you have learned your lesson. There is a difference when you have sex with a person for sex and have sex with a person for love.
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