A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:What should one do when they have met a guy who is a lot older than themselves and married with five children but the marriage is not good. That guy then askes you out and this then causes major upset for their family. I mean real upset, parents not happy sibling terrible and the rest of the family think its mad. Relationship is now a few months old and the guy has left wife. Friends say go for it and be happy. What would be the possibility of this relationship surviving. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): you are delusional to think there is a happy ever after here. his marriage is not happy because he was sneaking around ith you. he has 5 kids for goodness sake., you will always be seen as a homewrecker and you will be the outcast. can you live for the rest of your life knowing you destroyed a family unit. can you even trust this cheater? he left his family for you, he will leave you for someone else. how many years was he married for. will he divorce his wife or will you live in sin.
i have no respect for a person who makes their happiness by destroying someone elses life. it always comes back to bite them big time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): You sound as if you're not aware of the big picture. I was foolish and young once too & made the mistake of doing both of these things. I got into a relationship with a married man and I also had a relationship woth a man 21 years older than myself. Two different men but both were horrible ideas and a terrible thing to do to someones family. Here are some of the reasons why I would suggest not getting involved:
If he has kids you will suffer for this a long time, possibly forever. They will blame you. You're suffering because they suffered. You are only obvious reason their lives have been turned upside down. Chances are they'll hate you, for many reasons including the next reason not to do this:
How badly you two will have hurt their mother, his wife. Unless she's the most cold hearted bitch on earth (which, she's not. Don't believe him.) then this is going to hurt her very deeply. If you know her, you'll know who you're hurting in your mind and having her pictured in your mind should cause you great guilt. If it doesn't you're the cold hearted bitch, my dear. And if you don't know her then you can never be sure that she isn't that sweet lady from the bank or that sad looking woman at the store.
Another thing you will deal with is the fear that she (or her children, or any family & friends for that matter) won't try and confront you. You won't want to go to around town. You won't feel free to walk down the street in your own town because you'll know there are people out there who hate you. And they could be anyone.
You also have to consider the fact that this man is much older than you. I know you won't believe me but this feeling you two are expierencing isn't love. You're in awe of him & he's thrilled you're young and hot. It WILL wear off. And then what will you have? Most likely resentment & insecurity. But not very much in common.
If you do go through with this, just know that it's a lable you can't live down, you're hurting an entire family, you're going to gain a slew of new enemies, you are looking at a constant battle for the length of the relationship & then you'll be left feeling left out, ashamed, immature & alone.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Of course the man's family is unhappy--he's destroying their lives! Do you honestly expect them to be happy about this?
What one should have done was to tell the older man to legally end his marriage before embarking on a relationship. If the marriage is not good, he should be working on ending it properly, not running off with another woman. His actions (and yours) have created a situation where no one will ever accept you and this relationship.
Only time will tell whether this relationship will last, but you already have several factors working against you, the least of which is that you're dealing with a man who is fully capable of infidelity. Be prepared for a bumpy road and don't be too shocked if the happiness you're experiencing now is short-lived.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Honeypie hit it pretty good.
I could say the same things only in different words, but what's the sense?
I do not agree with the "so long as you're happy" bit. That is selfish! That's the same as "All about me"
Are you sure he's not happy? A guy can say some pretty smooth stuff to get into a womans panties. Variety is a beautiful thing, and as the old saying goes, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Until it's yours.....
Hey, I'm a guy, you think I'm just dreamin' this up?
My two cents worth is:
If he cheats WITH you, he will have no problem cheating ON you!!
Don't destroy someones family to satisfy your own selfish wants.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Since he is married I would back off and walk away.
Honestly how bad or good or messed up a marriage he has doesn't really matter, matter of facts is this : HE IS MARRIED.
If you two get into anything now, YOU will be seen as the Home-wrecker, the Other Woman.
Sounds like one big HUGE mess to me.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (10 July 2010):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-to-do-when-the-person-youre-attracted.html
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (10 July 2010):
 If you are in your mid-fifties and he is a lot older than you, then how old is he?? I should think - unless he was married late in life - that his children should be almost grown and ready to leave the nest by now?
Whose parents and sibling are not happy? Yours? Or his?
I suppose you do have to consider his family and their pain, but if he decided on his own to leave them, that could be a sign that he's more serious about his involvement with you........especially if he goes through with getting divorced.
As often as we hear on this website about women who are involved with a married man who keeps them on the side and does not leave his wife and get divorced - a very bad scene and not one with much future, usually - there are those men who do leave - I've heard of it happening with people known to me - who marry and are happy with the "other woman." It would maybe be better to not get too involved with him right now until he has had the time to sort himself out and go through with completing the divorce. However, given that you're already involved with him, that may not be possible.
So far as you can, be supportive of him. If he bad-mouths or complains about his wife, don't you join in! By all means listen as he vents, but also try to see, if you can, his wife's point of view and what she's dealing with.......
Even so, be prepared for some rough times ahead! His unhappiness - and that of his wife - with their marriage; despite (presumably) unsuccessful attempts to make it work, are bound to result in an emotional roller coaster for both of them, to say nothing of all the legal issues that will have to be sorted out.......
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A
female
reader, Ritasanyal +, writes (10 July 2010):
The million dollar question is.. ….. are you going to be happy??
It is not whether he has left his family - obviously they were not meant to be together
Don't get me wrong I do believe in marriages - but then it has to worked out between both spouses.
When god told man that you can choose your spouse - but be with her lifelong, cherish her, love her and take care of her - I believe life expectancy was 30
Now man and women life longer, healthier life, active sexually and have gained access to many more things than the four walls of his/her house. Life is different. So change according.
But as he left his family for you….he can also leave you for another. But would you rather be happy for the moment or die thinking what would happen in future and give up the present?
So I ask you again - ARE YOU HAPPY?
If the answer is YES - absolutely go for it
He left is family ...didn't he?
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