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age
41-50,
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writes: Sorry this is so long but please bear with me. Some of the back story is very important for the question.Ok. My problem is I still have a thing for this guy after 7 years! I met him when we were both in the Army. We weren't close friends but we hung out with the same group. After I had known him for about a year I was shocked to realize that I liked him. I had vibes that he liked me too, but he never told me he did, so I never told him anything either. He would do things that made me think he did like me but it was never concrete enough for me to know for sure. Well, one night he invited me to stay and watch a movie after everyone else had left and we ended up kissing that night. It was the most intense kiss I've ever had, and it felt like my heart was going to burst. It seemed that he was just as into it as I was, but I stopped it just before it got to the point of no return because I was afraid that if it did it would mean more to me than to him. I ended up staying the night. I guess I hoped that he would kiss me again and this time I wouldn't stop him. He didn't though, and we ended up sleeping next to eachother but nothing else happened and I left in the morning. I talked to him later and he couldn't tell me whether what had happened was just chemistry or if it was more, or if he wanted it to be more so I took that as a hint and stopped hanging out with him. I saw him from time to time over the next year, and I thought I saw interest in his eyes, but all we ever did was make small talk.So, after I got out of the Army and moved away, I didn't hear from him for 5 years and I ended up getting married and having children. I never completely stopped thinking about him though, and whenever I would go awhile without thinking of him as much I'd end up having an intensely romantic dream of us together, like one where we loved eachother in a past life, and another where I stood outside of his house afraid to knock but he opened the door and let me in, and when my husband found out where I was and told me it was over I started crying and my crush held me and said, "It's ok. Now we can be together. I've loved you for so long." When I have these dreams I wake up crying and feeling alone. My marriage hasn't been going too well for the past year and a half, not because of the crush but because we married for the wrong reasons and grew apart. We rarely even sleep together anymore, in any sense of the word. About a year ago we decided to get divorced, so I guess I just kinda went over the edge a bit and I found my crush on myspace and contacted him. We didn't really talk about the past and kept it casual, but the feelings were still there on my part. But 6 months went by and my husband and I couldn't agree on custody and neither of us could afford a lawyer, so I felt that it was wrong to keep talking to my crush if I was still married and couldn't even afford a separation, so I deleted my myspace account, Well, a few nights ago I had another dream about him and I couldn't take it anymore so I made a new myspace account and told my crush everything. I thought he'd tell me that he didn't feel the same way and that would be the end of it--I'd finally get closure. Instead he told me that he had felt the same way about me but thought I wasn't interested because I stopped hanging out with him, and he always wonders what woulda happened too. But he didn't say that he still feels that way, and I don't know if he'd even want me now that I have kids, and because I can't get a divorce I'm not free to find out. The dreams are tearing me apart, and a part of me feels like I lost my chance with my soulmate and I don't know what to do. Please help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your honesty. I know you're right, but it still hurts. I don't know why I still care about this guy though. It probably wouldn't be an issue if my marriage wasn't having problems. Maybe I'm just fantasizing about something that never was because my current relationship is so rocky. I guess I should try to let go of the past, but it is so hard, especially when everytime I try I have another dream. Well, I guess the only thing I can do is just what you said, either try again to make this marriage work (though it would help if my husband would try too) or to just move on and make a new life for myself and my kids. Thanks again, I really appreciate this. I just needed a reality check and you gave me one.
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reader, Denise32  +, writes (2 July 2010):
 Unfortunately, you are right in saying you lost your chance with this man from your past who you thought of as your soul mate. The fact is you didn't, and he didn't, take the opportunity years ago to see whether things might go further. Then was the time to test that, not now after being married and having children.
Surely when you met your husband you must have had hopes for a good life with him? Did you both try to work on what went wrong between the two of you?
Anyway, you made another attempt to contact your crush and tell him how you feel, but I have to say it doesn't sound as if he wants to take up with you again at this time. Whether it would make any difference if you were divorced is hard to say, although it doesn't sound promising.
I guess your choice now is to try to make a go of it with your husband, or else see if you can work out custody arranges that will work for both of you and the children, then form a life on your own.
Sorry.
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