| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I suggested he be tested for STD's before I sleep with him and he took offence...
Q. I am a 23 year old virgin and I'm dating a 24 year old guy,the reason I stressed on being a virgin is that I've waited for the right man to come along and I think he has, and I know it will happen soon.. but now I think he's not the one, cuz he took ...
A. 7 November 2012: Oh yeah, even my (then) virgin boyfriend offered to get tested when we first started dating! So this has NOTHING to do with how many previous partners you've had. ... (read in full...)
I suggested he be tested for STD's before I sleep with him and he took offence...
Q. I am a 23 year old virgin and I'm dating a 24 year old guy,the reason I stressed on being a virgin is that I've waited for the right man to come along and I think he has, and I know it will happen soon.. but now I think he's not the one, cuz he took ...
A. 7 November 2012: If he took offence then he's really immature. When a man loves you he will want you to feel safe and secure, and if an STD test is what will make you feel safe then he will happily take one (or actually, take several, as each STD needs to be tested ... (read in full...)
How would it make you feel if someone told you they loved you?
Q. Hypothetically, guys, if you knew someone had a crush on you or fancied you, and you weren't taking it seriously, would you start to take it seriously if they told you they loved you and meant it? I don't mean start to like them, I just mean be a ...
A. 7 November 2012: I told my friend of 8 years that I love him. He took it seriously, gave it about a week to think about it, and then announced he loved me too. We actually had our first kiss after we had both said "I love you" to one another.
So.. you never kn... (read in full...)
I can't cope with my girlfriend's history and don't know what to do.
Q. My girlfriend had 3 boyfriends before me, I had 2. She's 24 and I am 28. We have been dating for 6 months, and it's a serious relationship to both of us. Recently, she asked me how many girls I've slept with before her and we discussed honestly ...
A. 7 November 2012: Just because your ex didn't want to go down on you, or swallow your sperm, doesn't mean all women world wide are like your ex. If you had a bad sex life with your ex then that says something about her (and you). Your ex's sex habits are NOT ... (read in full...)
My best friend wants a marriage of convenience!
Q. hey aunts and uncles urgent advice needed please. My close male friend and i are both creeping closer to 30. Neither of us is with anybody and we get on very well. We were having a meal at his house, together the other night and got talking about ...
A. 7 November 2012: Well, having children involves having sex. So why not do like others have suggested, and see if you can have sex together? He said he will do anything to please you, that's all good, but unless you are sexually attracted to him, and he is sexually ... (read in full...)
My "bad boy" past is catching up with me and I'm going to lose my girlfriend because of that. Help!
Q. Dear Everybody, I met a wonderful lady at the beginning of the year. She means the absolute world to me. To give you a bit of background. She is currently seperated. She has 2 beautiful children and her ex husband works away alot. They se...
A. 7 November 2012: Assaults are serious... I don't know you, so I will try not to judge, but the way you talk about this sounds as if you are not being honest. You aren't specific, you describe it as "nothing", and not serious. But it is serious. Serious enough to go ... (read in full...)
My "bad boy" past is catching up with me and I'm going to lose my girlfriend because of that. Help!
Q. Dear Everybody, I met a wonderful lady at the beginning of the year. She means the absolute world to me. To give you a bit of background. She is currently seperated. She has 2 beautiful children and her ex husband works away alot. They se...
A. 7 November 2012: You want to be honest? Then why aren't you honest about what your encounter with the law was about? You're too vague. Please provide more information, because depening on the crime there either are things you could do, or you should move on. ... (read in full...)
I need help dealing with PMS
Q. I have PMS and a week before every period I suffer with terrible anxiety, irritability and a short fuse, I can get extremely angry if anything pisses me off, where normally I am well controlled. Does anybody have any suggestions of how I can imp...
A. 7 November 2012: Yes, contact your doctor. There are several things for you to do, but you need to see your doctor first and receive help from him/her. If you want to change your diet you should consult with a doctor. You might want to try hormones, which also needs ... (read in full...)
He wants me as a booty call, what should I do?
Q. I got a friend that has lost both of his parents. We were giving an affair.after the lot of his parents he then divorced his wife. He stop calling me. Then later told me he hookup with another female. He said his relationship is great but his girl...
A. 7 November 2012: Tell him that if he wants a prostitute he can pay for one at the corner.
Take some pride in yourself, you are more than a vagina for him to put his penis in.
... (read in full...)
My wife wears jewelry another man bought her and it makes me uncomfortable
Q. My wife made a new business acquaintance whose family owns a jewelry store. As part of celebrating a milestone he gave her a silver and amethyst necklace and an amethyst ring, which she sometimes wears. To be fair, he also gave a gift to my wife'...
A. 7 November 2012: Absurd. Sorry, but you asked, and that is what we're here for after all: to help people figure out if they are within reason or not. And this jealousy, or discomfort you feel, is irrational.
Maybe the root of the problem for you is that jewelry ... (read in full...)
Up one day... down the next????
Q. Hello, Im 18 and need a little advice. So me and my boyfriend have been best years for two years and actually started dating almost 3 months ago. And well a week into dating we had sex. And about 4 or 5 times after that. Then he tells me he wasn't ...
A. 5 November 2012: I think you need to slow it down with your boyfriend and give him some time. The most common reason for a guy to not have an erection is that he is nervous. In other words: he's not ready for it yet! Stop trying so hard, don't push for sex. ... (read in full...)
I thought that girls were supposed to like guys who were sensitive and treated them right. What am I doing wrong?
Q. Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm not exactly the best looking guy at my school (not by a longshot). Yet, I am the kind of guy who treats a girl right. I like romance (yes I'm straight), i write poetry and will do anything to ...
A. 5 November 2012: " I thought that girls were supposed to like guys who were sensitive and treated them right. "
Yes, when they are 30+. When they are teenagers they just want the popular boys, same as the boys only want the popular girls.
When girls are 20-30 ... (read in full...)
Dumped by Self-Conscious Boyfriend
Q. Hello, I was dating a wonderful, respectable man for about a month. I'm 23 and he's 30. We met on a dating site; he made contact first and was very interested in me. We exchanged lengthy messages on the site for a few weeks before meeting. ...
A. 5 November 2012: You're trying to save the "man in distress". Don't. Men in distress will always be in distress, and the only ones who can help them are themselves. Until he becomes confident ON HIS OWN there is nothing you can do about it. Nor should you want to be ... (read in full...)
Our friends keep asking us if we would like to "house swap" with them! They are relentless!
Q. This may seem trivial but I'm really angry about it... Basically my partner and I have bought a lovely 3 bed house. We've worked hard to be able to afford it- sacrificing things, working all hours, not having a decent holiday for the past 4 y...
A. 4 November 2012: Stop keeping up apparances, you don't have to do it for your husbands sake. Yes, to some extent you should be polite and smile through BS, such as when dealing with annoying family members. But only up to a point. If they've been going at it for ... (read in full...)
Girls with boyfriends: would you ignore another guy who had a crush on you and not say you had a boyfriend?
Q. I would like to know if any girls out there who are in a relationship ignored another guy that they know had a crush on them and not tell them that they were seeing someone? Why would you not just tell the guy who has the crush that you are seeing ...
A. 4 November 2012: Unless it comes up I rather just ignore the guy. If I get an opportunity to bring it up without it sounding weird, then I will casually bring it up and say it. But if it doesn't naturally pop up in a conversation I don't say it. It'll be too obvious ... (read in full...)
I hate being a genius!
Q. I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too. Anyhow I hat...
A. 4 November 2012: Ever heard of EQ? Not IQ, but social intelligence? Maybe you are a genious, of one kind, but you appear to lack the social intelligence. This is something that takes practice. One part of social intelligence is to value the experience of others, and ... (read in full...)
Our friends keep asking us if we would like to "house swap" with them! They are relentless!
Q. This may seem trivial but I'm really angry about it... Basically my partner and I have bought a lovely 3 bed house. We've worked hard to be able to afford it- sacrificing things, working all hours, not having a decent holiday for the past 4 y...
A. 4 November 2012: Why are you taking this seriously? It's a joke. The very thought is ridiculous. If they want a bigger house they have to pay for it, that's elementary. Even a child understands this logic. If they want a house similar to yours then suggest they look ... (read in full...)
Where do I start with counselling?
Q. Where to start with counselling? I've been thinking for a long time about seeing a counsellor. I have posted on here before about my virginity at the age 31. Thks is to due to various things like body image issues and low self esteem/confidence. I ...
A. 4 November 2012: I think you should take the free sessions you are offered at your job. That will give you a taste of it, and will help you in taking the next step. The counsellor/therapist your work offers will help you find someone else to see after your 6 ... (read in full...)
How many sex positions do you use when having sex? Are my boyfriend and I normal?
Q. how many different sex positions do you use when having sex? like in one night, and also in total? like within the last couple months, how many different positions have you used? me and my boyfriend use maybe about 10 in total. is that not normal?...
A. 2 November 2012: Eh, this varies a lot. In the last month it's just been me and the shower and one time I used my vibrator. But when my boyfriend is around we use about 4-6 positions in one round. I don't really keep track of it. It's a passion of the moment thing, ... (read in full...)
Why does he ask if I'm ok so frequently? And why is he nervous?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for a few months now and everything is fine, im just slightly confused about something. We are very close and intimate with each other and some occasions it can be a really intense connection (we havnt said I love you or an...
A. 2 November 2012: He's nervous of crossing any boundaries you may have. I don't think he's nervous about his sexual competence, that's not it. But he's nervous about stepping over your boundaries, and wants to check with you that you are okay with what he does. He ... (read in full...)
I tell him what I want when we make love, but he always reverts to his basic style. How do I convince him to be more adventurous in bed?
Q. My boyfriend is my best friend and I love him dearly. That's why it seems soo ridiculous that I fantasize about breaking up with him so I can have sex with other men. When we first got together, things were hot and heavy. The sex was pretty basic...
A. 2 November 2012: I think you make a good and reasonable argument there. It is understandable that you overlook things at the beginning of a relationship, people generally do overlook the red flags. It's also common for things you thought were cute and adorable, to ... (read in full...)
My fiance said her ex was a better lover.
Q. Hello everyone, sorry for the long post,this is the first time asking a question, although I have been reading many posts here trying to come to terms with something that happened to me recently. I have just recently come back from Europe where I a...
A. 1 November 2012: I think you need to talk to your future wife about boundaries. If it is true that her ex was better in bed, fine. But don't go around bragging about it. Don't talk about your penis size behind your back and make jokes out of it, or have a laugh at ... (read in full...)
Am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?
Q. Hello everyone, The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom an...
A. 1 November 2012: Did you tell her this? Maybe it could have offered some clarification. Maybe you should ask her, in a genuinely curious manner and not as an attack, why she flirts with you when she's not interested in anything more with you.
... (read in full...)
Why is it so hard to find someone who will give you unconditional love?
Q. Why is it so hard to find someone who will give you unconditional love? How come some people have it and most dont? Id like to have it but my husbands love is conditional. Why is it so hard to love someone no matter what happens? Why cant love be ...
A. 31 October 2012: No one have unconditional love from another human apart from their mother. If you want unconditional love your best bet is a dog.
The type of love you're seeking seems to me like a divine love you will only find in God. Humans are imperfec... (read in full...)
Is this how disagreements should pan out? When I argue with her I feel completely emasculated
Q. Hi there So me and my girlfriend were supposed to go away this weekend leaving on Friday. Now I had a sports game on the Friday afternoon and I needed to sort out the times of the game before I could confirm with her if I would play or if I wou...
A. 31 October 2012: I think you need to put her in her place and be firm with her. If she refuses to listen to your points, calmly state this, and then not say another word until she stops talking and hears you out. If she is not listening to you, then calmly tell her ... (read in full...)
Am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?
Q. Hello everyone, The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom an...
A. 31 October 2012:
I turn the blame partially on you because that is how life is. When girls are in love with a player and then sleep with him because they want a relationship with him, they always get told it is THEIR fault that they trusted the words of a player... (read in full...)
I loaned boyfriend money and he hasn't paid it all back but I may need it! How do I go about this?
Q. Hi everyone. My problem is I grew up poor and I worry about money. I earn enough to pay my bills and save a bit. From time to time I have given my bf money when he needed help, and recently this has happened 2 months in a row. Plus a couple of times ...
A. 31 October 2012: "It is my fault for not being more structured with his repayments, so I can't press him for the money"
Wrong, it is your fault for ever having given him money to begin with. Never give out loans, doesn't work. You can only give money as a gift, an... (read in full...)
Am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?
Q. Hello everyone, The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom an...
A. 31 October 2012: Okay... Why are you so angry? What if she's actually just busy? Did you even ask if she'd like to meet at another time?
Don't get pissy because people flirt with you, if you don't like it then don't flirt back. Letting her sit on your lap is flirt... (read in full...)
Why is it that he only really talks to me when he's horny?
Q. Hey guys so my boyfriend and I and I have been going out for a little over 2 months. Something that I noticed in our relationship is that he only really talks to me when he's horny. I try to make conversation with him but he always runs that...
A. 31 October 2012: Echoing Cindy here: You feel love, but he feels lust.
And I think what Iamheretohelpyou is trying to say is that there is a difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. I will argue that the core feeling of love is the same... (read in full...)
After 3 dates she broke up with me because she said I acted like I didin't like her
Q. hi, this girl i have been seeing has just 'dumped' me, so i was wondering if you help me pleease cos im gutted! basicly i had 3 dates with her, they were all good, i enjoyed them, and she ses she enjoyed them too, and yesterday morning she just...
A. 30 October 2012: She didn't break up with you, you were never a couple. You just had three dates, that isn't a relationship. She didn't dump you, she just doesn't see this as going anywhere.
She sounds superficial, no one can love another after just three da... (read in full...)
For Girls: First Impressions when you meet a guy - is 5 foot six inches tall enough for you? Or do you prefer taller?
Q. Hello This question is mostly for girls Do you find attractive a guy who is 5.6 feet or maybe girls want a guy who is taller. Well I know some responses may be 'a guy must be loyal,caring etc' but my question is related with first impression. T...
A. 30 October 2012: Let me tell you, your eyebrows are way more important than your height when it comes to first impression. If you have a bushy unibrow then it wont matter how tall you are, you're not going to impress anyone.
On the other hand, I've met several ... (read in full...)
Why is it that he only really talks to me when he's horny?
Q. Hey guys so my boyfriend and I and I have been going out for a little over 2 months. Something that I noticed in our relationship is that he only really talks to me when he's horny. I try to make conversation with him but he always runs that...
A. 30 October 2012: Sure, maybe YOu love him. But the thing is, you don't talk to him only when you're horny. He is the one who doesn't think you are interesting enoough to talk to unless it is about sex, so it is HIS feelings I question.
Ask your boyfriend if he lo... (read in full...)
Why does he need to date one last girl before he can commit to me? Should I wait while he does this?
Q. Help me please ? I am devastated by the fact that the guy I am dating told me he needs meet one girl to be sure he really loves? The guy I date said he thinks he loves me and we have been seeing each other for 3 months now. We were making pla...
A. 30 October 2012: Not worth the wait. If he's so confused by his own feelings, and know himself so little, then there'll be more "I need to find myself" crap in wait for you.
Oh, no doubt, he'll come to you after he's done dating someone else. And then he'll pr... (read in full...)
Why is it that he only really talks to me when he's horny?
Q. Hey guys so my boyfriend and I and I have been going out for a little over 2 months. Something that I noticed in our relationship is that he only really talks to me when he's horny. I try to make conversation with him but he always runs that...
A. 30 October 2012: Because he's a horny teenage boy. That's why. Sex is on their mind every 6th second. So, he's actually horny 24/7, I'm guessing there are just some days he's more hormonal (and as a consequence horny) than others.
Does he love you? Not if he on... (read in full...)
Why do I not feel aroused anymore?
Q. Right this is probably the strangest thing i've ever had to ask a stranger but basically i lost my virginity to my previous partner, when i was with him we had sexual intercourse nearly everyday and i got horny and wanted to have sex but since ...
A. 29 October 2012: He doesn't get you turned on, so maybe he actually isn't great in bed? Or maybe you just don't have the same chemistry with him as you had with your previous boyfriend, or maybe your current boyfriend isn't physically attractive to you?
Are y... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable that my daughter with diabetes will inject herself in public. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Q. Okay, a very tricky question here. About a year ago my 24 years old my daughter suddenly developed diabetes type 1 - yes, type 1 where you have to take insulin - and ever since then she has to take insulin shots 4 times a day. We have no history ...
A. 29 October 2012: Oh yeah, I just remember I did have a friend back in high school with diabetes, who had to inject herself. She would also just do it then and there, but there wasn't any "handful of flesh" or "shocking" value to it. She just did it, it was quick and ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable that my daughter with diabetes will inject herself in public. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Q. Okay, a very tricky question here. About a year ago my 24 years old my daughter suddenly developed diabetes type 1 - yes, type 1 where you have to take insulin - and ever since then she has to take insulin shots 4 times a day. We have no history ...
A. 29 October 2012: " I don't think it is at all nice for people to see someone grab handfuls of their bare flesh and inject themselves in a restaurant or bar."
You're entitled to have an opinion. But not more. Your daughter clearly is of a different opinion.... (read in full...)
How do I help my friend? She's afraid to tell her family that she might be gay
Q. My best friend and I come from two very different backgrounds, she's from a religious family who don't accept homosexuality, I come from a family who support gay rights. She was talking to me the other day and said that she was scared she might be...
A. 29 October 2012: I think you've already helped her a lot, just by being her friend and accepting her for who she is, and being someone she can talk to about these things.
I would tell her that as for now, she should not worry about possibly being gay. It is norma... (read in full...)
My boyfriend couldn't keep his erection. Is it because he doesn't find me attractive?
Q. Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 months now and this weekend we finally got some us time. Things began to get physical between us ( it wasn't planned jut felt right at the time) after some foreplay we decided it was time to take our...
A. 29 October 2012: It's got nothing to do with you, or his attraction towards you. This is a medical problem, or maybe he had been drinking too much. He's probably had this happen to him on numerous occasions before, but for guys this is a very sensitive topic, so he ... (read in full...)
Is it strange for a good looking 24 year old girl to be a virgin?
Q. is it strange for a 24 year old , good looking girl to be a virgin? Some of my friends laugh about it and have told their guy friends who then called me the virgin mary. I like the way I am and am proud, why do others think it strange?? They think i ...
A. 29 October 2012: It's not strange to be a virgin, if that is a choice you've taken. But it is strange that you don't have a boyfriend, if you actually do want one. A 24 year old pretty woman shouldn't have any difficulties getting a boyfriend. Maybe your standards ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's told me she's not willing to be with me if I follow the career path I think I want?
Q. To give you guys a little bit of background, I'm a student at uni deciding on my career options. I'm in a long distance relationship and have been throughout my time at uni. We met at high school, fell in love and have been with each other ever ...
A. 29 October 2012: You know what? Until you have a concrete job offer in your hand all of this is hypothetical. You'd like a job in international politics... sure, but so do tons of other people, and in this economy (especially in your country) what are the true odds ... (read in full...)
Am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?
Q. Hello everyone, The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom an...
A. 29 October 2012: Oh, and to deepen the explanation: unless she was sitting on everyone elses lap and also flirting with them, then she isn't just being a flirt. ... (read in full...)
Am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?
Q. Hello everyone, The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom an...
A. 29 October 2012: Make a move. ... (read in full...)
I tell him what I want when we make love, but he always reverts to his basic style. How do I convince him to be more adventurous in bed?
Q. My boyfriend is my best friend and I love him dearly. That's why it seems soo ridiculous that I fantasize about breaking up with him so I can have sex with other men. When we first got together, things were hot and heavy. The sex was pretty basic...
A. 23 October 2012: Have a stern conversation with him about this and tell him straight to his face that you are not happy about your sex life. Don't list up specific things he does wrong/not to your liking. A list of things is not what he needs, nor will it help. I ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
