| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Pregnant? Condom slipped a bit and I'm worried about the chances of pregnancy. Any advice?
Q. I was having sex with a condom on and the i were on top.I ejaculated into the condom while still inside of her and we continued for few minutes. Condom doesn't break and slipped down maybe 0,2 -0,5 inch . Is there higher chance of pregnancy?...
A. 16 December 2012: If there was no semen at the sides of the condom, and none at the base of the condom, then nothing to worry about. ... (read in full...)
Anyone know this average?
Q. What is the average number of men a 26 yr old girl has slept with?...
A. 16 December 2012: I don't think there actually are any good statistics on this, because not every 26 year old in the world has been asked in a survey, and anyway it depends entirely on what country you live in, maybe even what part of the country you live in. And ... (read in full...)
Masturbating as a teen: Is that likely to negatively affect the sex in a committed marriage later on?
Q. When females masturbate at a young age, can it affect their marriage bond later when they have sex with a spouse have sex? I am 17 years old, and I have been in a relationship that has been sexually active. The problem was, none of my past boy...
A. 15 December 2012: It will not harm your future marriage in any way, it will actually help if you masturbate. If you masturbate you learn to get to know your body, and can show your husband (once married) how to do it. When you masturbate you become more comfortable ... (read in full...)
Pregnant? Condom slipped a bit and I'm worried about the chances of pregnancy. Any advice?
Q. I was having sex with a condom on and the i were on top.I ejaculated into the condom while still inside of her and we continued for few minutes. Condom doesn't break and slipped down maybe 0,2 -0,5 inch . Is there higher chance of pregnancy?...
A. 15 December 2012: No higher risk unless the condom slipped off inside of her. As long as it stayed on the outside then it's ok. The condom will naturally move up and down during intercourse as well, although you might not have noticed it. ... (read in full...)
Is this normal male behaviour or is he being overly possessive?
Q. My boyfriend and I are on holiday, staying in my friend's apartment. She and her boyfriend live here. My boyfriend got upset with me last night as I came to bed in my pyjamas and he said the top was see-through and he hoped I wasn't letting N (the ...
A. 15 December 2012: It's not generally "manly", nor is it overly posessive. It's plain ol' bratty, that's what it is. Sulky, bratty, and childish. You're not dating a man, you're dating a spoiled child. This entire argument was stupid, and if he really felt it was ... (read in full...)
Thoughts regarding retrograde jealousy....is a person's past really not any of the current relationship's business?
Q. An observation from a straight guy: I CALL BULLSHIT on people who claim that lovers are not accountable for how their sexual past is non of their current relationship's business. What if you only ever had one girlfriend, and before she met y...
A. 15 December 2012: I don't see how "balance" features into this either. You can't balance it out by adding people you haven't had sex with, nor can you take out people you had sex with, just so it will be "even" between the couple. What good would such an even number ... (read in full...)
Thoughts regarding retrograde jealousy....is a person's past really not any of the current relationship's business?
Q. An observation from a straight guy: I CALL BULLSHIT on people who claim that lovers are not accountable for how their sexual past is non of their current relationship's business. What if you only ever had one girlfriend, and before she met y...
A. 14 December 2012: I'm just responding to this because I come with a very different thought-pattern. I'm not going to argue whether a past is relevant to a current relationship or not, but rather say that I never found the past to be any more of a problem than any ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with her? Is the bus an okay place to do that?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a couple months and after a while I have decided to break up with her, I just want to know if these are justified reasons for doing so. 1. She consistently talks to her friends about other guys, but keeps it...
A. 14 December 2012: You don't need to justify your reasons for wanting to break up. She doesn't have to be a bad girlfriend for you to want to end it, it is enough that you simply do not want to be her boyfriend any longer. It's that easy. So don't list up any reasons ... (read in full...)
Why do I find so many similarities between my dead boyfriend and my current one?
Q. Dear Cupid; I was one of the most blessed people alive, I had everything, the family, the friends and a love story that blossomed since I was young, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart and we went to collage together then got engaged...
A. 12 December 2012: While they have many similairties, they are most possitively different. Of course they might have some similarities, everyone does. Everyone can resemble someone else. But that does not mean they actually LOOK the same. I am sure your boyfriend and ... (read in full...)
I trust HIM, not HER!
Q. One more question before I go. There is a girl who texts my boyfriend relentlessly. She's my age or younger and is a compulsive flirt. I also know of her because she coerced my friend's ex-boyfriend to run away with her while he was still dating...
A. 11 December 2012: Text her "bacxk off b&¤%"?
Or, just continue to ignore her? Its your boyfriend she is harassing, not you, so maybe he is the one who needs to put his foot down if he wants her to stop. ... (read in full...)
My FWB says that he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me because apparently I'm not a service , I'm just a girl who he likes in lust
Q. I am 19 years of age and now is in an affair with a man who is 29 who has a girlfriend he has been dating for 8 years. He says shes his best friend, with her he has a so called life , clean clothes to wear. But he is unsure if he wants/or is going ...
A. 11 December 2012: You don't want to be a boyfriend stealer? Sure, you're not a boyfriend stealer, and this "boyfriend" is not cheating...
Wake up cutie, you're 19 and old enough to know that this is cheating, and you are in fact with a "taken" man, hence your act... (read in full...)
Should I allow my boyfriend to do something sexually that I'm not comfortable with?
Q. My boyfriend of over a year keeps asking me to let him cum on my face... We've done literally everything else and I feel he should be happy with all the stuff we do. He just won't leave me alone about it. I think I would feel really disgusting and ...
A. 10 December 2012: To be honest.. I'd let him. The benefits by far outweight any cons. It's funny you ask this question though, because I am going to ask my boyfriend if he'd cum in my face next time we meet. For MY pleasure and benefit. I'm thinking he will find it ... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to have had a boyfriend and kissed a boy and all that stuff at my age?
Q. i'm 17 in a couple of weeks, and i haven't really had a boyfriend, never properly kissed a boy or anything, and i was wondering if that is normal. majority of my friends have boyfriends and stuff, and i don't think i'm shallow, and yes there have a ...
A. 10 December 2012: Normal. ... (read in full...)
What can I do? My husband focuses on details in an argument to avoid answering questions! Drives me nuts!
Q. My husband and I just got married in September, after being together two and a half years. We were driving home from his friends house the other night and talking about relationships and how funny people can get when they notice one small thing ab...
A. 9 December 2012: "He just hates talking about it and does whatever possible to change the subject. "
Knowing this, why did you start talking about it? You just got married, tensions are known to be extra high at this time in a relationship. Lay on the low until it... (read in full...)
Does he have to have feelings for her? Can a man be in a relationship with a woman just for sex?
Q. Hi Cupids. Is it possible for a man to be "in a relationship" (I mean an actual relationship where they are dating, not a FWB or no strings situation) with a woman just for the sex or because the sex is good? Does he necessarily have to have...
A. 8 December 2012: A man, and women too for that matter, can stay in relationships without having feelings for the person. The reaons vary, for one you have easy access to sex. But there are usually plenty other reasons, and the "easy access to sex" reason tends to be ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife and 2 kids for my mistress?
Q. Should I leave my wife and especially my 2kids for my 4years realtionship with mistress? I cant seem to leave my mistress, she is 11 years younger than me, I bn married for more that 13 years, soon 14. I dont want her to meet soomeone else, the more...
A. 6 December 2012: " All the girls didnt matter still I met the mistress. She changed everything. Itd her that I want. Not an obsession.. I know everyone deserves to be happy even the assholes like me and when I finally found the one thay I could be myself and not ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my wife a few weeks before we got married and now I am constantly worried she will find out.
Q. I cheated on my wife a few weeks before we got married and now I am constantly worried she will find out. Im not proud of myself and would change it if I could but I cant. I didn't have sex with this other women, she gave me a handjob on my stag ...
A. 5 December 2012: Tell her. You can't live like this, and she deserves to know the truth. You can't build your marriage on a lie. Thereæs really no other option, you can't keep quiet about this until you die as it will make life hell for you, and you know your wife ... (read in full...)
Are the disabled unlovable?
Q. How does anyone get a girlfriend? I'm 24, almost 25, and every woman I ask out rejects me. I've tried over and over again. I use a wheelchair, but I'm finishing a degree in Web design/development to start a career in Web design and my specific ...
A. 5 December 2012: Do the women you ask out know you're asking them out? Often what we think is obvious isn't so obvious, and half the time the woman sits and wonders "why isn't he making any moves yet??".
And, like someone else said, not only people with disabili... (read in full...)
How can I start a love life with a past like this?
Q. Hey everyone, I have something that has been affecting my life for a while and I am the type of guy who soposedly dosen't exist in the american media. I have the body and appearance of a jock with a brian and social behavior of a nerd to put it in ...
A. 5 December 2012:
You're getting tons of attention you say, and girls throw themselves at you, yet you sit and tell us you can't get a girl? Sort of contradicts itself, doesn't it? How about you take one of these girls who throw themselves in your directio... (read in full...)
I lied about my age to this 27 year old guy whom I've been seeing. Said I was 20, when I'm actually 18. Now what?
Q. im 18 and im seeing a 27 yr. old, i lied to him about my age and said i was 20, but were really starting to click and hes going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon because hes REALLY into me. I want to tell him before we get any more serious because ...
A. 5 December 2012: :) Glad to hear he wasn't too upset about your age, and now you can have an honest relationship with one another. ... (read in full...)
Should I go against my girl's wishes and spend time with my ex and our son on Christmas?
Q. I have 9 month old son with my ex girlfriend who left me before our son was born. I didn't want to be a father at first which is why she left me. I told her that I couldn't afford a child and we are too young ( Shes 21 I'm 24) I was a total dick ...
A. 4 December 2012: As for the driving to and from late evening/5 AM. Yeah, that could work, if you happen to live a 5 minute drive away. But I don't really see the big difference between you sleeping in the spare room of your ex girlfriends house, or on her couch, ... (read in full...)
Should I go against my girl's wishes and spend time with my ex and our son on Christmas?
Q. I have 9 month old son with my ex girlfriend who left me before our son was born. I didn't want to be a father at first which is why she left me. I told her that I couldn't afford a child and we are too young ( Shes 21 I'm 24) I was a total dick ...
A. 4 December 2012: I personally think you have an immature new girlfriend. You're not interested in spending time with your ex, you're interested in spending time with your son. It's a no brainer, yet she's being all drama-queen about it. Are you going to let a g... (read in full...)
Just a question: how long would you wait after sex before breaking up?
Q. Just a question: how long would you wait after sex before breaking up? I imagine, having sex and then breaking up with someone on the same day would be unacceptable. So do you guys or girls have any set rules? Do you wait a certain time leng...
A. 4 December 2012: Usually, if I'm not happy in the relationship and want to end things with them, I wouldn't be having sex with them to begin with. So, it'd probably be a few weeks since last time we had sex and until I ended it? I have sex when I feel good and happy ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife and 2 kids for my mistress?
Q. Should I leave my wife and especially my 2kids for my 4years realtionship with mistress? I cant seem to leave my mistress, she is 11 years younger than me, I bn married for more that 13 years, soon 14. I dont want her to meet soomeone else, the more...
A. 4 December 2012: "I dont want to hurt her, but I dont want to hurt my kids...."
In life we make a lot of decisions based on what OTHER people want us to do/don't want us to do. From this sentence it is clear that you ar emaking your decisions also based on what ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to ask the doctor for an x-ray so I can see my condition?
Q. i have scoliosis, one of my hips are flat and the other comes out alot which makes my body tilt to one side. im curantly doing physiotherapy. i haven't had an x ray at all, according to the GP my scoliosis isn't that bad, but i think it looks bad, ...
A. 3 December 2012: You can ask for whatever you want, but if your doctor is anything like mine they wont give it to you unless they think it is necerssary themselves. I've been asking for a CAT scan for several years now to see what's wrong with my back, but my doctor ... (read in full...)
Guys always choose the girl that comes along after me! What am I doing wrong?
Q. I'm starting to feel like something is wrong with me. Guys seem to always choose the girl after me. I was with my ex for a few years untill he cheated. I've been single for a year now and I like it but the moment I'm interested in a guy and he seems ...
A. 3 December 2012: Let me guess, "it" has happened twice, hence you call it "always". It doesn't take more than two times in a row for people to start calling it "always", in general. But remind yourself, two times isn't always, forever or every time. It's still just ... (read in full...)
I think I am falling for my best friend, how do I stop these feelings for him?
Q. How do you stop yourself from having a crush on somebody? Basically, we are 15. (he's a bit older than me, 16 soon but anyway) He is one of my best friends, we have been really close for the past three years. I know I can always trust him and we...
A. 3 December 2012: "How do you stop yourself from having a crush on somebody?"
You ignore them to the best of your abilities and focus all your thoughts on someone else. With enough mind control you can decide yourself who you want to fall in love with/have a crush ... (read in full...)
Feeling inadequate in the bedroom department with my new wife....
Q. Hi, this feels like such a silly question and I am struggling to ask but here goes. I have developed some real feelings of inadequacy re sex with my new wife. She is a VERY attractive woman and constantly turns heads wherever we go. We have regular ...
A. 3 December 2012: "Anyway, compared to our regular but tame sex life I suspect that she has been much more exploratory than I thought. This leaves me feeling as though this side of our marriage is possibly a little dull."
It takes two to tango, so if your sex life... (read in full...)
I'd just like to have be married before 30 and start having kids around 30?
Q. well here is my situation. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 and 1/2 years and we are very happy together. We have been living together for a little over a year now. He's got a 4 year degree and I'm just about done with mine. The thing is, I'm ...
A. 3 December 2012: It's another 5 years until you are 30, right?
Lets look at your options. Dump your boyfriend and leave this great and loving relationship (your words), to find someone else who will marry you before 30 (who you'll have known for about 2 years pr... (read in full...)
What should be shared in a relationship and what should be private?
Q. What should be shared in a relationship after a year and 3 months? Is it wrong to want to see his facebook, cell phone etc? I have no problem showing mine! I feel like people with nothing to hide, hide nothing and all he says he wants is privacy! ...
A. 3 December 2012: It's no standard answer, some people like privacy, others like to have no privacy. You don't want privacy, but he does. You're not wrong, but he's not wrong either. You just have different ideas about it. Having privacy is a goal in itself. It is ... (read in full...)
Would it be a waste of time to try and get back with someone who finished with you because of a past history of sleeping around and cheating?
Q. Would it be a waste of time to try and get back with someone who finished with you because of a past history of sleeping around and cheating. Basically i got with my sisters mate 3-4 months or so ago, we kept it quiet so they didnt fall out and so w...
A. 3 December 2012: Sorry, but I don't think you stand a chance, not with your history. Cheaters are known for staying cheaters. Maybe you wouldn't cheat on her right away, maybe not the first year, but you do not have a moral code that tells you to NOT cheat. Hence, ... (read in full...)
Can fingering lead to the loss of virginity?
Q. Can fingering (sex) leads to disvirgin, especially in a case of bleeding? ...
A. 3 December 2012: You don't lose your "virginity" in the sense that you are a virgin until you first time have a penis in your vagina. But, you can rupture your hymen, which can cause bleeding. In several cultures, they use the hymen as "proof" of virginity. Although ... (read in full...)
Have I slept with too many guys?
Q. I lost my virginity a few months before I turned 16. Since then I have slept with four guys. The fourth one just happened about two weeks ago? I really worry about becoming loose and never being able to find a partner. Some of my old friends have ...
A. 3 December 2012: You don't become "loose". You might become loose after childbirth, but even then you tighten up again. If a baby can come through there, then you can handle a few penises without worry...
You wont become loose, and the only way someone can find... (read in full...)
My 16 year old son is in love with a woman who is 24 years older than him!
Q. My 16 year old son is in love with a woman 24 years older than hisself, he met her when he was in a Subway with friends, he's told me theyve been secretly dating for over a month now and that the relationships not based on sex but proper love. She's ...
A. 3 December 2012: Is your son allowed to consent to sex? If so, then I think you should just see how this unfolds. Up until he is 18 he is still your responsibility though, so you can restrict how often they meet/when he can move out of home.
3 years is a long tim... (read in full...)
I am dating this girl she is 31+ and still a virgin!! will this bring any difficulty on ever becoming pregnant??
Q. Hey, I am dating this girl she is 31+ and still a virgin!! will this bring any difficulty on ever becoming pregnant??...
A. 3 December 2012: If she plans on staying a virgin until she dies, then she wont get pregnant. But if she ever has sex she's just as likely to get pregnant as any other 31 year old. If you want to know about her fertility you have a better bet asking her how regular ... (read in full...)
While house-sitting for my girlfriend, I discovered she is not the person she lead me to believe she is.
Q. So I have been with my girlfriend about 4 months and I thought things were going great. We got serious very quickly however and ended up spending almost every day together. Lately I've felt very uncertain about several things I've discover...
A. 2 December 2012: I think you jumped into this relationship too fast and you don't really know each other at all. You also have very different sex drives, while she want sit more often, and you are satisfied with twice a week. Seriously, if you have a higher sex ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work out the 2nd time around?
Q. My ex has recently asked me if i want go give our relationship another go and i wondered if anyone had any views on if it can work. He cheated on me while on a lads holiday so after he confessed i ended it but as we lived together he moved into the ...
A. 2 December 2012: Do you still live with him? It is unclear from your post.
There's this standard reply around this website when it comes to these question... An ex is an ex for a reason. Unless those reasons have changed, then you should not enter a relation... (read in full...)
I don't want or feel like having sex EVER!! My husband gets grumpy & moody, and keeps dropping hints about sex.
Q. Ok,.. here is the deal,.. and I know I'm not alone here. I don't have a sex drive anymore, I don't want it, don't need it. Of course my other half says he'll be patient,... NOT! About once every month or 2 I'll give in, and even though I'm not in ...
A. 2 December 2012: It is unusual for such a young woman to have no sex drive "any more". If you never had it I'd understand, but a sudden drop shouldn't happen. A womans sex drive is known to rise as she gets older, not drop. Have you talked to your doctor about ... (read in full...)
Any good ideas for anniversary gifts?
Q. I have been dating my Boyfriend for 1 year now and our anniversiry and my birthday are tomorrow and i cant think of what to get him and Christmas is right around the corner. Anybody have any ideas of what to get him.... He is into four wheelers and ...
A. 2 December 2012: A card?
I don't know, I'm not a big anniversary celebrating type. What I usually would do is more low key, invite to dinner, have a date-night. Go ut to eat, or have coffee, or see a movie? Unless he's expressed how much anniversaries mean to ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 2 December 2012: I think this entire thread has just inspired me to write an article on a "short introduction to feminism", so that we can straighten this out. There are differences in feminism, not double standards per se, but different perceptions. Just like there ... (read in full...)
Boyfriends best friend is constantly with us and it makes me very uncomfortable. I don't know what to do!
Q. Afternoon. :) I have a little situation with my boyfriend, we live in halls (college halls) and because of this, we live together all the time, we share the same room etc. We have literally no issue with this, we get on so well and everything i...
A. 2 December 2012: I was about to ask if you've even opened your mouth and told your boyfriend. But then you write you haven't. Out of fear of sounding like a nag. This isn't nagging, it's being HONEST. Your boyfriend can not read your mind, and men highly apprechiate ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 2 December 2012:
"Feminism has never been about equality. It's just a process that promiscuous women use to rationalize their behavior."
What is your field of education? You do not sound like you know much if anything about feminism, and if so, should you r... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 30 November 2012: "Sex and the City" is the one and only show that highlights womens sexuality. It was more or less one of a kind, and a starting point to make women and men equal. The existence of this show does however not mean the stereotypes aren't still alive ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 30 November 2012: Male anon, your logic says it's "unfair" that some are prettier than others. Your logic is not at all relevant to this discussion. Equality between sexes is not about men getting laid less than women. World wide women do not have the same ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 29 November 2012: "The result is inequality. The more casual/sexual the relationship, the more women will flock to the most attractive men at the expense of all the others. All women do better, the top 10% of men do a whole lot better, and 90% of men do worse."
... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 28 November 2012: I also want to say that it comes down to birth control really. A man never gets pregnant, and doesn't have to deal with any consequences of having casual sex (well, not unless you can track him down). His life does not change by having casual sex, ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 28 November 2012: "Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?"
Because women don't have the same value as men just yet. There's not equality between the sexes yet. Just look at the politicians, how many of them are women? We've ju... (read in full...)
I lied about my age to this 27 year old guy whom I've been seeing. Said I was 20, when I'm actually 18. Now what?
Q. im 18 and im seeing a 27 yr. old, i lied to him about my age and said i was 20, but were really starting to click and hes going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon because hes REALLY into me. I want to tell him before we get any more serious because ...
A. 17 November 2011: You definitely can't go into a relationship lying to him, now can you? Better to tell him sooner than later, one way or the other he is bound to find out. So if he thinks the age difference is too much, what can you do? You are your age, nothing to ... (read in full...)
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