A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 months now and this weekend we finally got some us time. Things began to get physical between us ( it wasn't planned jut felt right at the time) after some foreplay we decided it was time to take our relationship to the next level. My boyfriend got very aroused bu when in came time for penetration completely lost his arousal and couldn't get it again. This happened several times over the weekend and when he finally managed to keep his arousal we couldn't get him inside of me. We were both very deflated and disappointed by the end of the weekend. I have now convinced myself it is my fault he has numerous sexual partners in the past whereas he would be my first. Does he find me unattractive? Or has this happened to anyone else? Please help, I'm afraid I'll end up loosing him x
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male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (29 October 2012):
 This is not your fault, it's just nerves on his part, he may not be as experienced as he has been telling you, or it may be the case that he is a bit anxious about his performance for a girl who he is emotionally involved with rather than just a random girl he has no feelings for. Don't worry this is nothing to do with attraction at all, just relax with eachother and there will be no problems
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): Nothing to do with attraction OP, he wouldn't be your boyfriend if he wasn't attracted to you.
Could be anything really. While it's true we guys generally can get aroused at a slight breeze sometimes we just can't at all when it comes to the moment. I've had similar experiences to yours where we're hot and heavy for hours, or even just sitting around cuddling and I literally had an erection on and off all day. When it finally came down to having sex the fecker just wouldn't stay up, all that time going up and down all day and it had both lost its sensitivity but it's function was impaired too for the rest of the evening. Sure, it decided to become erect later when we stopped trying too but any time we tried to get ready for the act he decided he was having none of it.
It's normal OP it happens. of course it's disappointing but it's no big deal, could have just been performance anxiety, you know calling it the next level and making such a big deal out of sex can be a dampener on arousal. I mean you too were anxious seeing as it sounds like clenched up when he tried to put it inside you.
You both need to stop making a big deal out of it, stop thinking of it as going to be some kind of amazing magical experience, your first attempts were the exact opposite hehe.
Seeing as you're a virgin I'd say it was definitely performance anxiety and pressure, first time sex is always awkward and fumbly OP, get rid of the pressure or you'll just keep failing and messing up, maybe a couple of drinks will loosen you both up.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 October 2012):
 It's got nothing to do with you, or his attraction towards you. This is a medical problem, or maybe he had been drinking too much. He's probably had this happen to him on numerous occasions before, but for guys this is a very sensitive topic, so he would not have mentioned it to you before! A man thinks he is being measured by his penis, and if he can't keep it up that makes him less of a man. So he is probably veeeery embarrassed about it, and wouldn't ever want to admit to you that it has happened before. But I promise you, he is most familiar with this problem and it has nothing to do with you.
Just try not to mention it, don't make a big deal out of it, and maybe it gets better. It could be he is just very nervous. If you are very beautiful, he could be very nervous, and being nervous can make a man not able to keep an erection. So if anything, he can't keep it up because he's too attracted to you.
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