A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help me please ? I am devastated by the fact that the guy I am dating told me he needs meet one girl to be sure he really loves?The guy I date said he thinks he loves me and we have been seeing each other for 3 months now.We were making plans to move together we have a wonderful time and everything was great. We should be moving in together in december. We discuss about the apartment we want and home decor. We went to see apartment etc..The was great but we did only once just because we wanted be sure it was love. I am the Third girl is his life he had two girlfriend before me. I want be sure you guys understand my situation, This guy is amazing he the one in my life. He is honest and a romantic guy. He took care and could not leave me when I was sick one week, very sick. He slept in the chair and did not move. He 's also my best friend we do many things together as photos, travel, We have been doing a lot in 3 months.We are so close to each other now.Yesterday he told me that he need to meet one more girl before he can be sure he doing the right thing to move to me and commit to me exclusively. What? Everything was so great. I love him so much.My heart is brokenI love him so much but I have my ego, my boundary, my self esteem, my self respect.The question is: why does he need to date one last girl before he can commit to me? should I wait he do this?And he said IF IF IF IF I don’t like her so my heart is all yours and we move together and do everything I will be yours!I want wait but if he fall in love with her?What I do?I don't want finish because he the one in my life. I feel it. So I am very confuse now.He ask me please please give me 1 month to meet this girl. if you do I will understand how much you love me. How ca he ask me that? He very serious about it is me or her.Please help me i haven’t sleep since this.He said I am so sorry but he wants be honest.I can’t change the situation now.I am hurt. I talked to him and I said you must do what you think will make you happy I don’t argue with him I was in chock. Now he’s calling me like nothing happen and I can’t answer.Please help me.Now he call me and email me and ask me if is okay because she coming now she don't live in our country. I also thinkhe paid her tickets which is very expensive to come here I am so sad he's doing this (crying) my life is a mess right now.He told me he met her once very quickly when she came in vacation before meet me. After that he keep contact with her on Skype. And if he likes her he must get married so she can get a visa and all that thing..pay to her study etc..she don't even speak our language but she speaks english. ---I answer his letter and we talk in the phone now. I told him again to do what ever he thinks would make him happy. I told him I am sad he risk everything we have for this girl.I was calm and he ask me if I will wait because he said he has strong feeling for me but he just need to know her first... and then he start again IF IF IF I don't like her.... OMG!My life sucks right now.. I told him I will not sit here and wait he decideI will date also I told him that I can't promise anything but I am not angry I said we talk and I was calm. When I said I would date also he said Okay DEAL. Thanks a lot everyone please give me some help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): 3 months is way to soon to be making life changing decisions such as moving together. And a guy should know wether he loves you or not. My vote is not worth the wait.
Actualy, I believe you should never wait on someone, live your life. When he'll realise how stupid he was, if you are still available, you might concider getting back with him. Bit you might also be in a relationship that is way better or you might have had the opportunity to realise you deserver better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012): What a horrible man! You know he is lieing to you right?
You are his plan B just incase it doesn't work out with the other girl. Obviously his feelings for you are not as strong as yours are for him. He wouldn't want to be with anyone else if he did truly love you.
In this situation you don't need to be calm at all. You yell and stand up for yourself! Simply him mentioning this, buying her flight and now spending time (having sex?) with her is sufficient information to NEVER want him back.
You never even think of taking him back. He left you to try things out with another girl. If the other girl doesn't want him or the other girl isn't 100% to his standards and he comes back to you - how will that make you feel. You were/are plan B.
YOu need to stand up for yourself and end this right now. It's over. Consider yourself lucky that you've only been dating him 3 months and not 3 years. There is still time to mend your broken heart.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 You know what ? ... I think it's the other way around. I think he worries the other girl may not like HIM, or may not want to relocate, or that somehow things with her could be not working out.... but, at least, if she leaves him high and dry, he will have you, patiently waiting for him. You are his plan B.
What he asked you is ridicolous, and downright insulting. Frankly I don't think he would even deserve the courtesy of an answer, he is clearly taking you for a ride.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 Not worth the wait. If he's so confused by his own feelings, and know himself so little, then there'll be more "I need to find myself" crap in wait for you.
Oh, no doubt, he'll come to you after he's done dating someone else. And then he'll pretend everything is fine, for about 2-3 months. Then he gets unsure again, and needs one more fling. Then, after a year, he will be unsure again.
If he doesn't know himself now, he probably wont know himself for quite some time. Tell him to come back in 5 years, maybe he's matured by then and is capable of making up his mind.
Do not wait around for him. Show him that you have self respect, and you are not stupid. You want and need a MAN, not a whimsical boy who doesn't know who he is or what he wants.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 If he truly loved you he would not need to date one more girl.
he will forever be looking for one more girl if you stay with him.
my last husband, I thought he loved me... he was always looking for one more girl... to make him feel better... turns out it was that he didn't love me enough and he was settling...
do not settle for someone and do not be someone's settling.
stop making plans with him.
let him go...
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A
female
reader, Giggles17 +, writes (30 October 2012):
 Honestly, it sounds like he is keeping you as a rebound because if he truly loved you it wouldn't matter if you were the first girl he ever dated he would commit to you. He is wanting to be with this girl over you because hun if he didn't he wouldn't tell you that IF it didn't workout with her that he would continue what he already has going with you. I know it hurts and I know you love him, but you shouldn't save yourself for someone who is only seeing you as a second option if his first one doesn't work out. And like you said what if things do workout with this girl? where does that leave you and his supposed love for you? And if things don't workout with this girl who is to say he would actually commit or come up with another excuse not to? And if he does commit do you really want to wonder each day if he committed because he truly loves you or because he is settling for you because things didn't work out with this other girl? You have a lot of thinking to do, but if I was you I wouldn't pursue it. Best of luck to you.
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