A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, this girl i have been seeing has just 'dumped' me, so i was wondering if you help me pleease cos im gutted!basicly i had 3 dates with her, they were all good, i enjoyed them, and she ses she enjoyed them too, and yesterday morning she just randomly dumped me saying she cant see us going anywher and it wouldnt work, wich i cant get my head round, because about 3 days ago every second i was getting texts from her, and at night when she went to bed she texted me sayng "night, love you :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx" then we went on our third date to the cinema wich she invited me, but also what she said in dumping me, was at the cinema i saw aload of lads i knew from school and i hid around the corner to hide from them, and she said that when i did that it upset her and killed her inside , cos she felt i didnt like her, but the truth is that them lads we saw i was bullyed by them at school and didnt want them to see me incase they kicked up a fuss and tryd showing me up infront of her, ive told her that countless times n i thought i was getting throught to her but it didnt work, she was all over me at the cinema aswell! even after we saw them lads, we made out and the lot before i took her home, so im sooooo confused i dont know what to do, she seems adamant that she isnt changing her mind.she also said that i didnt show i liked her on the first date, wich i did because i told her i liked her, she has also told me she still likes me...what am i suposed to do? send her one last text n hope i get a reply? leave it a couple of days? what do i do!?!?!? im so upset cos i do realy realy like her n want a relationship with her
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): You know this may be one those crazy girls who expected you to be trying to get her knickers off constantly from day one, I've met quite a few teen girls that were like that, didn't believe a guy could like them unless he was being a complete pest because apparently that's what guys do when they like a girl.
The reality is though OP the whole wussing out thing by hiding when those dudes where around was the real killer. First off being ashamed to be seen with a girl is a huge no-no, even girls who are shy like the idea that you want to shoe them off to people. Secondly being a wuss and hiding is another big turn off. Who wants to date a dude who can't handle himself and has to hide from people? How are you supposed to look after her if you can't even deal with that kind of situation and I'm not just talking about violence.
You showed fear OP, you showed a distinct lack of confidence and that's a huge turn off.
Look if you didn't like her so much I'd tell you to just start pestering her and at least get a shag. I'm not talking about using her, but if she wants you to show her how much you like her then what better way than to become an alpha and take her? But you do like her, are too fearful and far too timid to do anything like that. Don't waste your time OP, this girl sounds like a chore. Even if you do put in more effort to "prove" yourself she'll probably go cold.
If you're determined to get her OP then stop being a pussy and become a predator.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (31 October 2012):
 Yikes! This is an emotionally high maintenance woman you were dating. Extremely insecure, needing constant validation by you, and playing games with you with the whole "You didn't act like you like me" stuff. We all know that if a guy asks us out for a second and third date, they like us!
Not only that, but you made out with her on that third date, another sign that you were into her. After three dates, to be texting every second is actually a red flag that you're about to step into clingy neediness.
Best to leave this girl be. Not a good idea to feed that neediness, because the appetite is insatiable, and you can never be what she needs, and you'll be stepping on emotional landmines, never living up to what she expects you to do and be and say.
Just walk away and count yourself fortunate that she's displaying this stuff this early on before you get too invested in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I don't know if you meant to do this, but this is the reason playing hard to get backfires. Sure, this is to lure the other person towards you - to not act all mushy and needy - but it does make it look like you are not interested in a relationship. Why not just tell her how you feel?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 She didn't break up with you, you were never a couple. You just had three dates, that isn't a relationship. She didn't dump you, she just doesn't see this as going anywhere.
She sounds superficial, no one can love another after just three dates... So I wouldn't believe everything she says. She sounds like a person who says things she doesn't mean all the time. Saying she had a great time when she was actually bored, saying she loves you when.. come on.. there's no way she possibly can as she barely knows you.
Look at things, she's making you get all fuzzy about this, creating all this drama, and it's only been three dates. Imagine having a relationship with her and every third time you see her she changes her mind about you without you knowing why. It gets old very fast, and you'd tire quickly. Just let it go. If things are good they stay good, if things get difficult then don't fight it, just let go. It takes two to make things go forward in a relationship, and she isn't interested. So nothing you can do really. Just drop it and save yourself the trouble.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (30 October 2012):
 HI
This is going to sound quite harsh but i'm going to tell you how I see it ok. Firstly the love you's after her text is more and more common for people to say now when they end a text, it's just a term of endearment now just words, showing you love someone is completely different. Secondly she may feel like you acted a little cowardly by hiding, therefore want's to be with someone who she feels will protect her when out, not hide from boy's from school day's. And thirdly you have only been on 3 dates and already you seem quite attached which can come across as a bit clingy. I think she is passing the buck when she say's your acting like you don't like her, I think she is just saying that so as not to hurt your feelings with the truth!.....I think you should move on but only next time you meet with a girl take your time, and remember to show Interest in them, not too much to start off with. I think you may also benifit in a self defence class, so next time your out and about you wont feel so Intimidated by people from your past.
Good luck with all you do.
Mandy x
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