A
female
age
22-25,
*up!!
writes:I'm a gifted kid, but not what most gifted kids are. I'm different from other gifted kids like as an example. you would have to meet 1000 people to meet someone similar to me. Chances are they also wont be the same age as me too.Anyhow I hate being a genius sometimes. Other times I'm glad since I don't have to study that hard for a test and can chill out. Well the reason why I hate being a genius is because I can't find someone who had the same kind of dry humor and talent I have.When I meet someone I get bored of them but there the closes people to my kind of personality and genius. So thats the part i hate about being a genius is that you have to look harder to find friends. I told my parents about this but they just said "well sorry for making you brilliant" anyhow does anyone have any advice with being so smart that you have to look harder for friends? I mean sometimes I wish like I was those stupid girls that can make friends with anyone and not care Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): A High IQ. That's a blessing.
What is even better is HIGH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.
You tend to not be looking down your nose at others or profess you are a 'vicitm' for being so alone and having no one to relate to.
If you work to have the ability to have compassion, you will be able to relate to anyone. That's way more important than finding an 'equal'.
;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): Ok, really? You may score well on standardized tests and not have to study (I am 99.7th percentile for my age, 13, and I don't have to study, but I still do) and I know that it is really irritating to be smarter than people at times, but you just have to deal with it. Most people are going to be average intelligence; that's why it's called "average". You have to learn to be able to interact with people and accept them for what they are. I mean, seriously, unless you go live in an isolated desert 40,000 miles away from any type of civilization you will have to interact with people. Deal with it; the world isn't fair, and it's already given you the gift of being gifted. Also, dry humor isn't that hard to find. You seem to just need to reevaluate your standards of people in general, and learn to accept what you have.
As a footnote, your grammar could also use work. Serious work. I apologize for being harsh, but it is a habit of mine.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): @sup! It just came as a shock to me that such a Genius (or self proclaimed one at least) would make such a common mistake that us imperfect mere mortals would make that's all :)
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 November 2012):
Kid, when you correct someone on a typo, you have to make sure you're not making the same mistake(s) yourself. Otherwise you'll come across as a hypocrite and a know-it-all, which will not help you make friends. I know people who did this and still do this today and it's not doing them any favors, trust me.
I'm not saying this to be mean to you, don't get me wrong. I couldn't care less about grammatical errors on the internet. But since you're still young, you'd do well getting rid of bad habits like this one early on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): I just corrected you in good faith as you corrected an advisor in your previous follow-up. Sorry if it touched a nerve.
...............................
A
female
reader, sup!! +, writes (28 November 2012):
sup!! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionListen I'm a kid, give me a break.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): @sup!!
"Yes I'm very abstract thinker"
"Yes I'm 'a' very abstract thinker"
"Tough my weakness is"
"Though my weakness is"
"Sometimes I can leave them confuse"
"Sometimes I can leave them confused"
...............................
A
female
reader, sup!! +, writes (28 November 2012):
sup!! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I'm very abstract thinker, Honestly forgot the word I can think differently or something. Tough My weakness is that I have a hard time expressing myself, and it can get in the way when I'm talking to my friends. Sometimes I can leave them confuse, but I'm learning from my mistakes now and I think I'm getting better.Though you people may be right that I'm average since I was so low on language arts but very high on abstract thinking that I focus so much on language arts and nothing else. Then yes I would be average since I haven't been doing my best on getting skills in math or science.By the way @Reflection tutor is spelt as tutor. You spelled it as touter, it's tutor. I have gotten one by the way, since I was years behind. Don't worry though after a year of hard training I was able to be just on the spot of average.
...............................
A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (12 November 2012):
Somehow I missed your followup until today.
Middle school is a tough time, and it's often when G&T kids begin to realize that they're different from others around them. I know this isn't much help now, but it will get better in high school or college.
Your parents' reaction isn't very helpful from a practical standpoint. Can you take classes at a local college or community college? That might be a way to meet others in your situation. And again, if you're not involved with CTY or a similar program, I highly recommend looking into it.
I'm curious about what you mean by your style of thinking. Most people seem to be concrete thinkers. Are you more of an abstract thinker?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 November 2012):
 You sound so NORMAL for a teen. My G&T son always did better with adults till college.
BTW your level of IQ has no bearing on so many things you list. The first thing you have to do is get off your “high horse” about being “a genius” I could knock you down a few pegs if you like… perhaps you are more advanced than most in your circle of friends and family but I can tell you that you are not “all that and a bag of chips” as you make yourself out to be.
The first thing you need to do is stop defining yourself by your academic ability because after college that becomes the least important thing in your life….. and folks do not stand around talking about their brains or their knowledge…
I think working with a therapist is a great idea. Learning some social skills (those are HARD for smart people to get) is critical. I’ 52 and have lousy social skills. Most very smart people do. Our brains can only handle so much…. So in order to be “brilliant” we tend towards ADHD, Aspergers, and other social misfit types of things.
Having a different style as others is OK when you get older you will enjoy it. Now you just want to fit in. I promise you as you get older it will get easier. But I know you don’t want to hear that.
Hang in there… another 15 years or so and life will be great. For right now, ask Mom and Dad if you can see a therapist or a counselor… I had a guidance counselor in high school… he and I had coffee every morning… I have great memories of him… and it was just friendly not therapy but it was a help back then.. not that I knew it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): Some people find it harder than others to make friends, and not everyone can be a potential friend to everyone else either so don't be disappointed to discover that. You could meet someone new tomorrow on facebook and it may seem you get on really well, then you could meet them in person and actually you discover you don't have as much in common as you first thought, so you both go back to facebook and drift off in your own directions and you may never speak again, its no big deal. Not everybody is compatible with everyone else, its a process of elimination, the same as shopping for the right shoes that are the size you need and style you want. Or finding the right bed spread to match your drapes for the bedroom. Its something you need to be open minded about, you can't just assume that you're going to go out and find your new bff today, the same as you can't buy a lottery ticket and assume you're going to win. Life's a gamble, and having a spoilt attitude towards it and expecting it to always go the way you want, will only make it harder for you. The attitude that your parents have isn't ideal either, leading you to believe you are superior to the rest of the world and that nobody is good enough for you. Surely this will only paint a negative picture in your mind about the rest of the world.
The solution is up there, be more open minded. The cause of the problem I'd have to put down to your parents.
Your parents have told you you're superior and great things 'Just happen' to superior people and you don't have to try. Now you're growing up into the real world and you're realising that for the most part, you have to work for what you want in life. Its very rarely if ever that things will just fall at your feet just at the right time, and to your expectation.
...............................
A
female
reader, sup!! +, writes (6 November 2012):
sup!! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright forgive me on my question. I thought I could just get a straight answer just like that without having to put details in. But now that I look back how I presented myself was poor, and honestly I just wanted to write it and get hopefully get a fast answer to my problem.
Let me put some details that I didn't tell you guys.
I didn't say I have so many friends that it gives me headaches
I didn't say I trust each one of my friends and they trust me back.
I didn't say I was on an elite basketball team
I didn't say I can't stand someone for more than 6 hours, after that I have to have a little bit of my space.
I didn't say I do very well with adults in real life
These things I didn't put in which I know from my question you most likely thing that I'm one of those people who think there better then everyone else, no that's my class mate.
Though I know my question was said in a poor way though, honestly I'm sorry for it.
Now let me rewrite my question here.
ok instead of saying that I'm smarter then everyone else blah blah attitude that I put down I will say I feel different. Like I stand out, I don't look at my friends like if I'm better than them. In fact I respect my friends.
The problem I have is that I can't find anyone with the same style I have or type of thinking.
I said this to my parents and they said it's because I'm superior above average or something. So I confused it when i wrote my question.
I'm in middle school btw so I guess it's harder or something
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Its your personality and attitude about yourself and towards others that is stopping you from making friends.
I believe you have Delusions of Grandeur...
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandiose_delusions
...............................
A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (5 November 2012):
YouWish has some excellent advice, and I strongly recommend that you follow it. You will live and work with ordinary folks your whole life, and now is the time to learn how to relate to us.
(Also, as several Aunts have pointed out, you will need to have good study skills once you get to college. So even if you can coast through school now, don't! Take it from me, college is *not* the place to learn study skills, and I wish someone had told me that when I was your age.)
Having said all that, it must be lonely not knowing anyone who is 1. your age 2. lives near you & 3. is at your level of intelligence. Have you participated in any of the programs for gifted teens operated through universities around the country? The original program is CTY:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Center_for_Talented_Youth
The article has a map showing which universities cover what geographic areas. Getting involved with the program for your state will introduce you to other teens with high intelligence, some of whom will even be in your range.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 November 2012):
 Ever heard of EQ? Not IQ, but social intelligence? Maybe you are a genious, of one kind, but you appear to lack the social intelligence. This is something that takes practice. One part of social intelligence is to value the experience of others, and the opinion of others, and to value other humans for who they are. Rather, you measure them as good enough or not good enough for you, yuo tire of them because they bore you etc. But rather, it is not they who bore you. It is you who do not know how to get along with them. You don't have the social intelligence to understand their dynamic, their way of communicating.
There is also a difference between smart and wise. Maybe you are smart, meaning you have the ability to absorb knowledge and remember details. But wisdom is quite different. If you're really smart, you'll learn to apprechiate the wisdom of others, and not depends so heavily on needing other smart people. Rather, meet people who can bring something to your life, who make you improve, who are good for you, who have the good morals and ethics, and who make you a better person. Someone who is wise can teach you many things that the smart one can't. Someone with social intelligence can teach you many things the geniouses can't. So, don't underestimate the value of other humans, don't just put value on intelligence.
When you get older it'll become easier to find like-minded people. It's just now that you're stuck with whomever are in your class/at your school/in your area. Later, you'll move, chance scenery, and locate to places where there are more people like you.
If you're really bored with people who you find too dumb for you then you can always test yourself by practicing your manipulative skills. If that doesn't go against your morals. It'll keep you busy for sure. I currently use my skills to play match-maker, which is amusing, and not cruel either.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 November 2012):
I raised one like you. He's 26 now and has a nice life.
He coasted through high school. He was G&T from 3rd grade which around here is the earliest you can put them in the G&T program.
He carried a 5.0 GPA all through high school without any effort. College was a BIG shock for him... EFFORT needed to be made and he had not learned how to do it... learn some study skills now or College will not be fun for you...
to be honest, most "geniuses" I know (and I know many) are VERY lousy with social skills... most of us (yes I include myself) have some level of Aspergers.... I just came from a gaming convention where I probably had one of the lower IQs... it's a brain trust... I suggest you check out http://www.boardgamers.org/ and find a whole bunch of REALLY smart people including teens of your age, who will challenge your brain and accept your lack of social skills in stride...
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 November 2012):
Also, just one thing: you don't need to prove you are a genius. In the most positive sense it just means that what you may have in added intelligence is compensated by your inferiority socially. You are probably used to completing tests with great ease. This is probably the first thing that requires a lot of effort.
So try to look at this as one of your math problems: something you need to tackle if you want to move on. Think about it. If you get a test, when having to figure out something hard, you don't think: I'm too good for this so I won't do it. That'll get you an F. So you work to find a solution. This is the same. It just requires a different tactic.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 November 2012):
YouWish gave great advice. I wholeheartedly recommend following up on her suggestions.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 November 2012):
YouWish gave great advice. I wholeheartedly recommend following up on her suggestions.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Nobody knows who they're going to meet in life or who will become friends and who will just be passing acquaintances. Hmm maybe you're over thinking this situation, or the problem lies with you. Perhaps you're simply too fussy about who you associate with? Because to me, you sound like a person who looks down on others and presumes you're better than them.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 November 2012):
 Listen, I get it. I'm not going to put you down for coming off as arrogant, because truthfully, you're coming off to me as being terrified. This whole "genius", "brilliant", "gifted" is a smokescreen along with calling other people who make friends easily "stupid".
You have to learn the social skills, and you have to put forth the effort. Up until now, you've had no problem getting special attention, especially from your parents, and the gifted programs growing up where you take the IQ tests and play with the toys is all even more positive attention.
You're not in elementary school anymore. It's starting to not come easy for you. You're not being handed friendship. You're going to have to work your brain to learn the social skills you didn't need before. You're finding out that the world isn't tossing labels as easily as your parents and teachers did in the past.
Let's cut to the chase. Your problems with interacting socially has nothing to do with your brain. As a matter of fact, your skills at socializing are deficient. Are you an only child?
You're trying to find some external reason for not seeing your problem for what it really is. I actually have hope for you. Once you become honest with yourself, use your brain to realize logically that it isn't some superior intellect that is keeping you from connecting with others and them liking you, you'll actually start learning the skills you need.
Aren't gifted people good at solving problems? Disassociate yourself from "I can't get friends because I'm too much of a genius". Look at the problem:
Problem: I lack the skills to make friends because I can't relate to them. People don't get me, and I feel myself not wanting to get them.
Solution: If you are as gifted as you're saying you are, try this out for size. Ever hear of Neuro Linguistic Programming, or NLP for short? Do some studying on that subject to learn the fine art of mirroring. Also, read Dale Carnegie's book How To Win Friends and Influence People. One of the best principles in both of these modes of social skills is simple: Be interested in everyone you come in contact with. Take the intellect out of it. I guarantee that there's something in just about anyone that you can admire and learn from.
Take the "stupid" girls, as you've so inaccurately named them. THEY have learned the skills of cultivating relationships, whether they honor them or exploit them or not. That's a skill you need. Study them, their body language, their demeanor, their posture, their charisma that conveys openness and magnetism. You want to use your brain? Watch what they do.
Take people you admire, either in your life or in popular culture. What is it you're admiring about them?
Also, stop being egocentric in your thinking, because it's self-defeating. You can't possibly connect with anyone else as long as you're focusing on yourself, your brain versus someone else's, YOUR personality, YOUR problems, YOUR needs. Take your very focus OFF of yourself and turn it towards those who possess skills you're interested in learning.
Trust me, when you go to job interviews, not a single question will be about which brain-stimulating toys you played with in your school gifted program. It will be all about WHO YOU KNOW, and WHO will give you a high recommendation and reference. I'll give you a hint: It's all about your what you've accomplished and not about your giftedness.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, sup!! +, writes (4 November 2012):
sup!! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok let me clear some things out. I have other things that prove to you that I'm a genius. Also when I wrote this I didn't really care how I sounded like, which as you can see it's pretty sloppy and I just did whatever. I do put myself out there and I do make a lot of friends, but theres something there that it makes me feel that these people aren't my type of people I want to really hang out with. The problem is that I'm honestly not sure what kind of people are my people if i can't even find them.
I know I'm a gifted kid because it wasn't like those test where you pick an answer or write it down, it was like you had all these toys and you had to pick with one you should put down and what would you make out of the toy.
I know I didn't show myself very well at all here, and I'm sorry for that. Also here to I could put myself better here too. But I honestly want an answer to how do you find friends when you can't even know who they are since your a rare child. I want to know this problem fast because it's giving me headaches and I don't care for my writing at this moment
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): You sounds average being intelligent academically does not mean you are smart. You have an advantage , but you have mediocre social skills and study habits. You have to take an interest on people, not regard yourself as a genius and above your peers, you might have an advantage now, but since you have lax study habits, the other kids your age will catch up and do much better at the end. People your age that are lauded on their "genius" usually get very lax about school when they reach college and flunk because they are used to passing tests and not studying hard (as you have mentioned) and rather chill out. Also, networking and social skills are primal on today's world. Someone with lesser "genius" but more social skill will definetly get the job before you, because networking and social skills are so important.
So lose the attitute and the genius aura, do not think you are better than anyone else. When you see other college hopefuls to Ivy Leagues you are going to understand just how average you really are.
Get involved on sports, or something where you meet other kids. My brother was gifted and he played sports, and volunteered tutoring his friends and he met lots of people that way at school. He never faulted his "genius" and he was thought to not look people over the shoulder. Your parents may think you are a genius, but as you get older you will notice that only your parents care and kids your age or older wont care. Gift yourself with some humble pie and social skills.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): Don't mean to be rude but I have to point this out:
If you were SO smart, one would expect you would be aware that most geniuses throughout history have been loners who spend most their time alone trying to solve the worlds problems, NOT socialising and living an ordinary life like the rest of us "mere mortals" lol.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): YouWish has given you some great advice which I strongly advise you read over a good few times and take it on board. just because you are a gifted teen now doesn't mean as the years pass all the other teens are studying hard they are going to reach and exceed your level because they are broadening their minds.
You happen to have an advantage right now but it doesn't mean you know it all and do not need to change yourself. Do you get bored with people? Or perhaps do they just sense your arrogance and would rather not be your friend? To be a good, all round person you need to have social skills; listen to people, accept that you can learn something from everyone you meet despite their background, emphasise with people and don't be so conceited that you judge people on their intelligence and just because they do not match up to you does not make them less of a person than you.
We are all human beings and individually people have their own strengths and weaknesses, learn to accept this diversity and you will find it easier to make friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 November 2012):
Gifted you may be, but the world of the mediocre and ordinary and failures in life are lined with people who were called "gifted", "talented", or "prodigy".
I tell you this from feelings of compassion and urgency and concern for where your line of thinking will lead you later in life. You're not smart or intelligent enough to know that even though you don't feel you have to study for a test, you should go all out anyways.
I've seen true geniuses as a kid and adult. One close friend of mine growing up skipped 4 grades and jumped from the 1st grade straight onto the 5th grade. She graduated at 15 and had her master's degree by age 20, now holding multiple doctorates and having achieved a number of scholarships.
By your own words, you don't apply yourself. Book smarts or a strength for learning or retention doesn't mean genius. Gifted and genius are not the same thing at all. Gifted means you have an advantage, and you're squandering it on lazy study practices and subpar social skills. You're resting on "I don't have to study and can chill out". It's going to *really* hurt you badly when you, not having learned a good work ethic, run up against advanced Calculus and realize that you will have to stretch your brain.
Your parents may call you brilliant. Your teachers may laud you for your state achievement tests that put you in the 99th percentile. But that means absolutely nothing. You're not yet wise enough to know that you must take an interest in people regardless of their perceived intelligence. When you get older, your social skills are going to be more important even than book skills or intelligence capacity.
You don't have to look harder to find friends. You must work harder inside yourself to BE a better friend, because it's easier to make excuses for why you can't connect socially because you're too smart. Truth is, you may march to the beat of your own drum, but you also must keep an open mind and retain a fascination for others' points of view.
Learning about people is just as important as learning from a book or the mathematical algorithms of different musical instruments or the chronobiology of the northern hemisphere in Winter. Each person is different. The study of nature, nurture, culture and intelligence is in itself an endless study.
Let me make this even more simple for you. Brilliance will not help you when it comes to making wise choices in life that can affect the course of your future. What if you have unprotected sex as you get older and become pregnant? What if you give into the self-pity and pain you feel and turn to drugs like I've seen many gifted children succumb to as their intelligence no longer affords them special treatment and attention? What if you keep your lax study habits into college where it's an entirely new level and you're no longer big fish in a small pond?
Focus on becoming a good friend that attracts others. Focus on being kindhearted and good. Focus on being wise and someone with integrity. You'll find that you'll see things in people, even those with average intelligence.
...............................
A
female
reader, reflecti0n +, writes (3 November 2012):
 Okay, you seem average. Gift yourself with a language arts touter.
...............................
|
