A
male
age
36-40,
*rShinra
writes:Hello everyone,The other night I was at a party that some friends of mine were hosting and this mutual female friend of ours and comes by and asks to sit on my lap. So I said yes. Later, I told her to get up cause I had to go to the restroom and when I got back she got right back on it. We talked and teased each other like we had been earlier, then she says to me "your just glad to have any girl on your lap aren't you?" to which I responded "well, I like having YOU on my lap, besides you seem to like where you're at." After I got up to get a drink I sat back down with everyone and talked with her again.Some time later I took her and another friend back home and on the way we started talking about things that we're scared of and she replied "Im afraid of you, you're the devil". I know she was joking and I played it off, but does this girl like me or is she just being a flirt? So everyone, am I reading too much into it or am I being just unbelievably dense and she's just waiting on me to make move?Thanks to all who take the time to respond.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): Maybe she has a reason my dear. Sometimes life is more complicated than you would like it to be. I'm guilty of flirting with someone I know I cant be with, I have feelings for him but I can't do anything about it since im married. I don't sit in his lap like this girl but I understand sometimes wanting to play and flirt. I think you should just forget doing anything and just enjoy the attention
A
male
reader, MrShinra +, writes (1 November 2012):
MrShinra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're right chigirl, I should clarify it with her and I will. I guess why I've put it off is that I like when she flirts with me. Part of me doesn't want her to stop, even though it's not good for my heart and my head calls me an "idiot" for doing this to myself. What really makes this situation difficult for me is two things. One, she's over 16 and younger than me and two, we work together. I know. A recipe for disaster. It's when we're away from work she really flirts with me. When we're at work she barely acknowledges me. Sounds harsher than it really is but that's how I end up feeling.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 November 2012):
 Did you tell her this? Maybe it could have offered some clarification. Maybe you should ask her, in a genuinely curious manner and not as an attack, why she flirts with you when she's not interested in anything more with you.
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male
reader, MrShinra +, writes (1 November 2012):
MrShinra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as blaming a girl for being "played", I agree that it's a pretty scummy thing to think or say to someone who genuinely had feelings for a person who winded up using them. No one deserves to be used no matter how foolish or naive they may have been.I still stand by my original comment but let me clarify if it makes a difference. If you're flirting heavily with someone you know really likes you and you have little to no interest in establishing anything further and you continue in your flirtation, then yes, that is sick and cruel.Yes, I know nowadays that's the way of the world and as with anything in life, if it shouldn't happen then it would never happen. Accept it, yes. But that doesn't mean you or I have to like it and just go along with whatever people consider a "part of life" or "that's just the way it is so get over it."As far as your point of not allowing her(or anyone for that matter) to flirt with me unless they mean business is sound advice. Thank you for that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 October 2012):
I turn the blame partially on you because that is how life is. When girls are in love with a player and then sleep with him because they want a relationship with him, they always get told it is THEIR fault that they trusted the words of a player who was just interested in sex. So why should it be any different the other way around? You need to look out for yourself, and can't trust that everyone will look after you. If a girl is a known flirt then don't invest your feelings in her. If she's turned you down before then maybe be more cautious about flirting with her again.
I think you are over-reacting about this, that is why I say what I say. You saying she is cruel, and calling people who flirt "sick" unless they are willing to go dates with anyone they flirt with, is really not nice on your part either. Sure, maybe they are players, and maybe they love the attention, but "sick and cruel" is an entirely different level.
Or maybe she's really dumb and doesn't know she's flirting with you. Maybe you should tell her that you don't like being flirted with unless she means business. She wont stop unless you put a stop to it, that's for sure.
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A
male
reader, MrShinra +, writes (31 October 2012):
MrShinra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI find your your reply offensive, chigirl. I don't think I should do whatever I want to with a girl if she flirts with me and nothing in my posts indicated that. But when you flirt with someone you're telling the other person, "I'm interested in you. I like you." Why else would you flirt? That's why I flirted back, because I liked her. The attitude is justifiable. Why you feel the need to put the blame entirely on me is strange, to say the least. The "anger", as you call it,(I see it more as frustration) is understandable. This isn't some random girl who I asked out and turned me down. Did you not read the part where I had written this is the SECOND time she's done this to me?My only mistake, or fault in this is being dumb enough to believe that she was serious. Why not say "I'm busy tonight, how about another night?" That way, I would know I need to keep pursuing. Why would I keep trying with someone who clearly sees my interest in her as a game or an ego boost?Again, I don't understand your hostility towards me. If you see things differently and you think I would benefit from that, that's one thing. But trying to shame me for feeling this way isn't helping. I simply asked for kind and considerate advice, not tough love.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 October 2012):
Okay... Why are you so angry? What if she's actually just busy? Did you even ask if she'd like to meet at another time?
Don't get pissy because people flirt with you, if you don't like it then don't flirt back. Letting her sit on your lap is flirting on your part too. No one is saying that just because a girl flirts with you you get to do whatever you want with her. Where did that attitude come from? Yes, it looked as if she'd be interested in a date, but if she isn't then so what? Why the anger? Why the attitude?
I think she actually was just busy, and you should have asked to meet at another day instead.
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A
male
reader, MrShinra +, writes (30 October 2012):
MrShinra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk ladies and gents here's what happened. I talked with her today and asked her out but she said she'd be busy with work that night. Alright. We talked a little more and of course she still kept flirting with me(avoiding eye contact, playing with her hair, fidgeting) so we said our goodbyes. Now, some of you may say that that means she wants me to try a little harder. No. I'm not doing that. I'm done. I forgot to add in my first post that I've asked her out before and was met with the same response. I've come to the conclusion that she's just being cruel(even if it's subconsciously.) And after talking with another female friend about this situation, she's confirmed my suspicon. So, just a couple words to those who flirt with others when you have no intention of dating them: your sick. You may not mean to be cruel, but that's what you're being.
Thanks for the responses though guys, I appreciated the feedback.
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A
male
reader, MrShinra +, writes (29 October 2012):
MrShinra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies everyone. I'll let you know how it goes in a couple days.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): Who cares what she's thinking or feeling? If you like her make your move.
OP you never get anywhere in life trying to read women. Be a man of action. The only way to truly know if a woman likes you is to make a move. So just do it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Yes she likes you, make a move.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 October 2012):
Oh, and to deepen the explanation: unless she was sitting on everyone elses lap and also flirting with them, then she isn't just being a flirt.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 October 2012):
Make a move.
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