A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how many married men out there are like my husband but it keeps me up at night weather or not there is and if those men are still happily married or still married at all to there wives. I've been married for 2 years now and my husband and I have a soon to be one year old handsome baby boy. but there's been some bumps in our marriage I can't seem to shake off . my husband was semi excited when I told him I was pregnant he wasn't one to kiss my tummy or anything cute like that we actually fought a lot . once our son was born he seemed different he helped out a little but not enough to say he's so nice when he cried he'd get mad at me and tell me to shut him up and I would worry because I didn't want to upset him .a few times I called him out and said he was just a baby but even now that he's older he screams at our son and if he cries he yells shut up ! and I get even more mad because that doesn't help him stop he is just a baby he doesn't know. Our son doesn't really like to go with him and he says its my fault but I know its not kids know when there loved and even though he says he loves him I don't think that's how dads act . he once admitted that when he was a newborn and he stayed him to watch him he pinched him to make him cry so I could get up and get him .I really want more kids but his lack of being a good dad and the way he is makes me not want to have any with him . I always pictured men to be different with there kids I mean my dad was mean but he always played with us and showed us affection he doesn't . we talked about it and he says he wants more but when I told him how he acts with this one he said your right if we had a girl id still tell her to shut up only diff is I'd call her a b**th instead of a f** and laughs . he said I never know he could change but I don't think he will . just cause he works and i'm a full time mom doesn't mean he cant be a good dad and paying for stuff is diff then actually spending time with your son. Are all married men with kids like this ? or is it just mine? and if there is men out there like this are they still married ? because if I want more kids and I just don't want them to be his makes it seem like maybe this won't work . Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Sorry, OP, I think you married a freak, and a dangerous one as for that.
Sure not all real life dads, alas,resemble those of TV spots , there are many dads that can act standoffish or lukewarm, fob off to the mother most of the childcare, when they get home from work run directly.... to down a couple of beer cans, not to kiss the baby . Some guys are natural born parents, and some other guys have to learn in time and may find the role of parent very uncomfortable at first.
But ,honestly, what you write is quite abnormal and shocking. He pinches a newborn to make him cry ?, what's that, an horror movie ? He yells at a baby under one year old to make him shut up ?-- yeah , very smart btw, as if it would work, if he scares the baby , he will cry twice as much . He would call b...h his baby girl ?
And you wonder if this is normal- no, be sure it is not normal, in fact it would be extreme even among, say, the guests of a high security jail.
If you care about your baby, move out. I don't care how much you love the guy or if he is a wonderful sex partner etc.etc, he may have his good points BUT your baby is not safe with him, you could never trust him to leave him alone with his dad not even for a quick dash to the neighborhood supermarket, tantrums are a NORMAL occurrence around 2 y.o., I don't want to think how your husband could react if your baby throws a bad tantrum and really gets under his skin. I am serious, do not dismiss these things as " quirks" of an otherwise lovable guy... protect your child NOW and move out.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 Hi
You got pregnant pretty fast after getting married so am guessing you really wanted a family. If you husband wasn't ready for fatherhood it could explain him not bonding with your son.
The way he is behaving sounds very wrong though, your right to be worried, I would agree it would be a huge mistake to have more with him,or even stay with him.
Your son could be at risk and he needs protecting. Do you have family to go to,because you need to leave.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 This is not normal at all. Not all fathers are like this, in fact this is physical and verbal abuse. It'll continue as well, it wont stop with this child, and it wont stop as the child grows older either. It'll get worse. What happens when you have a 3 year old who runs around and pulls and drags at everything, and things break, crash, and there's crying and screaming, but only this time the toddler will be running all over the place?
Didn't you post this question before? I've heard this story before. I told you this before.
I also don't believe this is just the way he acts towards his child. Does he not also scream at you? You told us he yells at you and says it is your fault the baby cries. You know it's not your fault. I think he yells at you for other things too.
If he's been pinching his child, has he been putting his hands on you too by any chance? I think he has. And you know he has no right to do that.
You should get a separation and move out, because your child is not safe together with this man. What if you're not there to take care of the child at an occasion, will he stop at pinching? Will he perhaps pick the child up and shake it to make it stop crying? Do you know that can kill the baby? Yet, he seems to me like a man who wouldn't care about the best for the child, he cares only about his own comforts...
Be careful about this man. He isn't a good man. He isn't a good father. You are right to be concerned.
...............................
|
