A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I tried to google it, but could only find information on the opposite...So now I'll just ask you guys and hope I figure this out.I've noticed that recently I've been thinking a lot about sex, and I can't wait till I can see my boyfriend (We see each other maybe once every other weekend) so we can have sex... But when we do see each other, or even when I'm alone and horny, it's kinda like my brain wants it, but my body's just "meh" about it. It's harder to get wet, and harder to get an orgasm, and when it does happen, it's not that great. I'm not depressed, or on any pills or anything...Has anyone had anything like this happen? Anyone know what's wrong or how to fix it? I'm planning on going on BC soon-ish and I don't want my libido to flatline...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): We only see each other every fortnight due to college, work, and housing problems. We both go to different schools, he lives by his school, I live with my parents (Have been very unsucessful in the job hunting) and what with school and work (Mostly us looking for work and him getting odd jobs around town)... There's just no time.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 With your boyfriend - it sounds like you don't see each other often enough to bond physically with each other. You need to spend more time getting to know each others bodies.
On your own - take your time, relax. women are more complex than men, we don't get turned on straight away, we take work. don't put any pressure on yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2013):
 I know what you mean. There's two kinds of horny for me, my body is horny, or my mind is horny. On several occasions I want sex, but my body doesn't quite follow along. On other occasions, my body wants sex, I'm wet and ready, yet I have no idea why as I am not mentally interested in sex.
Often I find that I can trick my body to play along by watching porn. It stimulates the more subconscious parts of your mind, and makes your body prepare for sex.
I've learned though, that if my body and mind aren't both interested in sex at the same time, it is better to just leave it and have sex another time. Because like you said, it's a bit of a downer. It doesn't feel that great, I get sore, the orgasm takes forever or wont come at all, and when it does come it's just a small puff rather than an explosion. Better to just save up the lust for another time.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (10 April 2013):
 HI
Firstly may I ask why you only see eachother every other fortnight? as this is enough to make anyones sex life to take a nose dive. this could be a case of knowing its to meet up for sex therefore the spark goes out the window. Where is the passion in that?.....I would suggest trying to meet up more often ( not just for sex) but to get close again mentally. go on some dates, get the fire burning again.
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, CounsellorRalph +, writes (10 April 2013):
 I think the problem here is that the the routine of time and day for having sex is ruining the spontaneity of making love. I'm sure when you feel aroused it just happens, you don't, for instance decide that next Wednesday after work at 6pm I'm going to feel 'horny' So why not decide for instance not to make love as soon as you meet and maybe not even do it occasionally, that way if you do make love it's because you really want to, rather than just feel that you should because you won't see each other another fortnight. I wish you all the best. Ralph
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