A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,Hoping for some advice. My partner is a member of a theatre group and he has been for four years.The problem is a bit odd. What it is, is that he keeps inviting me to their social events. I started out by going, but I noticed that nobody really talked to my husband, and he didn’t make much of an effort to talk to them. I did talk when someone did say hello to us, but as I don’t know them and have no interest in going to the group, I can’t really find very much to talk to them about. So we sit on our own all evening, and then when we’re home, my husband ends up really sad and in a bad mood saying nobody wants to be friends with him and he doesn’t know how to socialise etc etc.I have tried to offer advice but he gets angry with me. From my perspective, this group is not particularly welcoming anyway. I suggested he still go to that group, but maybe look for real friendship elsewhere. I have tried to suggest things to talk about, or that he focus on being friends with just one or two people. He says he doesn’t know how to do it, and so I suggested we stop going to the social events if he doesn’t enjoy them, but that was also wrong. Apparently now I am ‘unsupportive’, but if that’s the case, I don’t know what supportive might be. I can’t face another row after another evening spent in a corner on our own, but what can I do? If I try to discuss it, he refuses. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 April 2013):
 I think I'd be inclined to leave him to it. He wants to moan but obviously doesn't want advice, so maybe just offer the occasional 'Oh dear, well never mind'
Some of those community groups can be really cliquey and a single man on his own is probably viewed with suspicion.That said, it is not up to you to mae his friends for him...he chooses to go, so he needs to build the connections.
Probably best to agree to disagree and not let it affect other areas of your relationship.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Let him sulk and don't be an enabler. If he starts blaming you and calling you unsupportive just leave. Like you would leave a child who is behaving naughty. Instead, you sit there and cuddle with him and indulge him and pity him and like a small child he just feels more and more in the right and cries even louder.
You need to draw the line and be strict. This is the way you offer support. If he is going to be ungrateful then you will no longer offer support.
But also, try to not offer advice all the time. Maybe your guy is like me, and just wants a listening ear. You don't have to fix his problems, and he doesn't want you to fix his problems either. But he wants to rant and blow off some steam occasionally. However, you know where the line goes between healthy ranting to let out steam, and childish sulking for attention.
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