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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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I'm paying our bills while he plays poker and sleeps all day...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years and he's always had a problem with holding a job. So anyway we've lived together for two years now and the past three months I've been supporting both of us because he hasn't been working ...
A. 4 May 2005: Well, his friends are right. He is being a big-time ass. The question is, why? And the next question is, why have you been tolerating it for so long? My third question would be: If you're suffering strain now, why do you want to arrange to spend the ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to give guys any clue that I have a crush on them. What do I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have Crushes on guys, but I can't make myself do anything to send them the message that I have a crush on them. I've had 2 so far and I think that since I was born a virgin that I'll growup a virgin, live my entire life a virgin a...
A. 4 May 2005: Maybe you're just going about this in reverse order. What if, instead of desperately trying to get the attention of boys you have a crush on, you developed a crush on a guy who already knows and likes you? Try getting involved in clubs and sports... (read in full...)
Can't seem to stop myself from snooping on my boyfriend!
Q. I'm a jealous person and I always thinks my man is cheating on me. It gets to the point where I try to figure out his passwords to his emails and stuff, just so I could read his emails to see if he has anything from any other girls. I know it's ...
A. 4 May 2005: If your boyfriend was cheating and you caught him at it, what would you do? What would you say? Would you want him back? Would you break up with him? Why or why not? I'm not just asking empty questions so I can sound like a primary-school hist... (read in full...)
Things between us seem strained & I want to do something to make them better...
Q. Me and my girlfriend seem to have become more distant these past couple of weeks. I love her dearly and want things to last between us. What should I be doing? I feel if I ask her 'is anything wrong?' it would make things worse between us....
A. 3 May 2005: Give some consideration to the possibility that her emotional distance might not be about You (singular), or even about You (plural). For example, she could worrying about a rumour that there are going to be job cuts where she works, or she might be ... (read in full...)
What do I say to my boyfriend to get him to take me seriously?
Q. Please help me. I'm not sure about how to handle my situation. My relationship is a mess and I can't talk to my boyfriend as he just tells me I'm being childish. How can I talk to him so he will respect me. What do I say?...
A. 3 May 2005: The best suggestion I can offer you is to stay calm and say what you want to say without raising your voice. If he interrupts you or tries to diminish your feelings by calling you "childish", you need to pause and ask if he'll allow you finish... (read in full...)
If I ask him how he feels about me, he clams up, but he gives signals that he's interested. What do I do?
Q. I'm very close to a friend from work. Over the past few months we have got closer and I know that I love him very much. Problem is, we're both men. Recently he split up with his girl friend and he told me that he did it for me and that he wants ...
A. 3 May 2005: It appears that he might not be comfortable with his attraction to you, even though he does seem to feel it. The uneasiness would probably be why he doesn't want to discuss it. If he's just broken up with a girlfriend (and he did it so that you c... (read in full...)
I was her Knight in Shining Armour at the prom. Do I have a chance?
Q. I was at my prom and saw a girl that was crying and asked her to dance and she said yes. I asked he why she was crying. She said her date was being a jerk so she dumped him. Do I have a chance with her?...
A. 2 May 2005: I totally agree with Blightybloke. :-) You sound like a sensitive and thoughtful young man and you helped a girl who was disappointed and hurt. Even if she doesn't recognise your personality traits in exactly those words, she's already got a go... (read in full...)
Broke it off with my boyfriend, but now I fantasise about his dad..!
Q. Is it normal to fall for your ex-boyfriend's dad? When I started going out with Oliver, I thought he was a great guy and I was attracted to him. But during our relationship, I started to have serious thoughts about his dad (which were not of a ...
A. 2 May 2005: Is it "normal"? Well, no. Is it socially acceptable? That depends on the answers to a lot of questions. Are there many years between you and Adrian? Is he aware of/did he foster your attraction to him? Is he single? And how would Oliver fee... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about his interest in porn magazines?
Q. I have been with my partner for about a year now. He works away a lot and when he asked me to join him for a week I jumped at the chance. While he was out working I was left in his hotel room and I came across some porn mags. I was really upset ...
A. 2 May 2005: The short answer is, No. Don't worry. It's really, truly 100% normal for men to look at porn. It's not a weird fetish and there's almost zero chance that he's gazing at the women in the mags and imagining a warm, fuzzy future with any of them... (read in full...)
Something's missing when we have sex. It's good for him, but not for me!
Q. My boyfriend and I just started having sex and I have no idea what to do or what positions to be in to make myself have an orgasm :/ It starts to hurt after a while because it's just not good for me...I dry up and so does the condom...I want to make ...
A. 2 May 2005: He's probably going in too soon and too fast, because he's ready and doesn't realise that you're not. You need to discuss this with your boyfriend and let him know in no uncertain terms what you like, so that you can enjoy the experience the way he ... (read in full...)
He said not to tell anyone after we had sex, but I did and now he's saying I've ruined his life...
Q. I slept with a boy because I really liked him. Afterwards he told me not to tell anyone. I thought this was strange. I thought he was embarrassed of me. I told a few of my closest friends to see what they thought. He found out somehow - he told me ...
A. 1 May 2005: Did he tell you why you were sworn to secrecy? If he was so ashamed of people knowing that the two of you had sex, why did he even involve you? There's no reason I can think of that he should have insisted that you keep it to yourself, unless... (read in full...)
Fallen hard for a close friend, but he's in love with someone already...
Q. Hi, I have fallen for a good male friend of mine. He's been incredibly understanding, sweet and encouraging to me recently, and he makes me feel good about myself. He's also a wonderful person, great fun, and knows how to cheer me up. He's there fo...
A. 1 May 2005: You already know the answer to this one, right? You can't have him because he's involved already. It really is as simple as that. I know that it doesn't make it any easier to deal with your warm and affectionate feelings toward him, but remind ... (read in full...)
I know I wanted to break up, so why am I so sad now?
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend last night and for some reason althought I know it's what I wanted I am really sad and have cried. What can I do stop feeling like this and how do I stop him from not talking to me or being funny? ...
A. 1 May 2005: When you break up with someone it's an admission of a mistake that you made, and it's also a recognition that something you wanted to be good went bad (or was never good). When you look at it from that perspective, it's understandable t... (read in full...)
My ex and I still live together, and he's keeping me from moving on with my life!
Q. hi there, I really need advice on my current and ongoing problem. I am a gay male and have been living with my ex boyfriend since October 2004. We split up on New Year but are still living together. I'm so unhappy, as all we ever do is argue an...
A. 1 May 2005: He's really pushing the boundaries of friendship, even for an ex! Even if you two were still involved, I'd say that going through your phone and calling the numbers (just to be a pest and mess things up for you) is a profound invasion of your ... (read in full...)
He lied to me about his smoking because I wouldn't have gone out with him. Will he lie in future?
Q. Im 16 and have been goin out with this guy for about three months and at the beginning of our relationship I asked him if he does or have ever smoked. He told me he had tried it but then stopped. Just today I found out that he smokes almost e...
A. 1 May 2005: Just clarifying my possie for the question-asker and Devil's Advocate: no, never a smoker. Can't you tell? I just think it's a revolting, filthy habit, along the lines of spitting on the floor and picking one's nose...... (read in full...)
The new guy and I got together too soon & I still need to be single...
Q. I've just come out a 2 year serious relationship and have now met someone else and have been with them a few months now. I care about this person and am still friends with my ex-boyfriend. The problem is that I know I've made a mistake and rushed t...
A. 30 April 2005: Eventually, you'll end up telling him. Even if you "cool things" and try to distance yourself, there'll come a time when he says to you "What's wrong? Please tell me what I've done". Better to be up front about things now, in the early stages. Of... (read in full...)
I want to get back together with him, but I'm worried about this other girl and him alone together...
Q. I left my son's father in January b/c we were having problems and I thought we needed some time apart. Then it came out where he slept with some other girls. Now we want to get back together. I came over this week so we could talk snd try to ...
A. 30 April 2005: Please say you're only kidding about wanting to get back with this guy! Your son should be your most important consideration and you should not be exposing him to the lives of drug-dealers! You should stay away from your ex. Probably the sma... (read in full...)
He lied to me about his smoking because I wouldn't have gone out with him. Will he lie in future?
Q. Im 16 and have been goin out with this guy for about three months and at the beginning of our relationship I asked him if he does or have ever smoked. He told me he had tried it but then stopped. Just today I found out that he smokes almost e...
A. 30 April 2005: What he's already shown is that he'll lie if it gets him what he wants. This should be making you go "hmmm..." because it's a taste of what you can expect in future. What if he's lying about telling you the truth from now on? Trust is one i... (read in full...)
He's 20 years older. What happens in ten years' time?
Q. I am in love with a man 20 years older than me. He feels the same, but we're both worried what will happen in 10 years when I'm still young enough to go out and be a party animal and he will be considered an old man. Should we move forward to a rel...
A. 29 April 2005: Relationships with such a vast age difference can work, but they require a very special bond and an exceptional level of common interest. The first thing to do is to imagine that your relationship consists of everything you do together... but ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and the father of my baby is 28. What do I do?
Q. I'm 15 and currently in a relationship with a man of 28. We have had sex and I know I'm pregnant! What do I do? He already has a child (as a single father) and I think he would go mad if I told him! Should I lie and say it's not his?...
A. 29 April 2005: No, you should definitely *not* lie about it. The very first thing you need to do - now, today - is tell him that you're pregnant. Even though it's happening in your body, the baby is 50% his too, remember. He should have known much better than... (read in full...)
I worry that my penis might be tiny...
Q. I'm worried about sex. I'm not thinking about having it now, but I'm worried about the future. First of all, and most important, I've been seeing questions about the foreskin. I'm 13 and my foreskin does not come back over my penis when I have an ...
A. 28 April 2005: When it comes to penis concerns from young men, there are two words I will always employ: Don't Worry! As long as you can retract your foreskin yourself (you should be doing this and washing there every time you have a shower, for hygiene purposes... (read in full...)
Because our relationship is a secret, I can't show how I feel in public. Do we continue?
Q. I'm seeing a guy, and we're keeping it secret. It's making it extremely hard to get alone time. I have been thinking that yes I really like him, but if I tried to end it, he'd be horrible, because he is to everyone... very arrogant, but is lovely ...
A. 28 April 2005: My first question is: why is it so important that this be kept a secret? Is it because he's just out of prison? Is it because he comes from a place/follows a religion/has a history that will cause other people to judge him? Is it because he's ... (read in full...)
He was too drunk to get it up, and now he seems to be avoiding all opportunities...
Q. hi, I'm 17 and I've been with my b/f for over 2 months. We've not had sex. One night he couldn't get it up because he was too drunk and since then it seems like he is avoiding having sex with me. We've had the opportunities and I try to initi...
A. 28 April 2005: He's probably beyond embarrassed about it; he's probably mortified. After all, he's 17 and meant to be at the height of his sexual prowess... and he gets brewer's droop. I wouldn't dwell on it. In fact, I recommend that you don't mention it at al... (read in full...)
His desire for some time away from our relationship came from out of nowhere...
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months went out on a big weekend out this weekend without telling me. On Sunday he called and said he wanted a break, some space, even though I thought we'd been getting on really well lately. Now I just don't know what to do, h...
A. 28 April 2005: Five months is not a very long time to be going out, or to know someone, and you may have been pinning a lot more reliability on this man than he actually warranted. The fact that you saw your future as a long-term couple and he didn't even think to ... (read in full...)
Can online romances become the real thing?
Q. I have fallen in love with a married man. I am married too. I met him online 2 years ago and we have been emailing each other on a regular basis. There are no plans to meet, but I find myself thinking of him all the time. He says he loves me, but ...
A. 28 April 2005: Listen to the part of you that says "tone it down". By allowing your online guy to be the object of your affection, you're denying those feelings to your husband. You might not be aware of it yet, but it's happening. You'll find yourself staying up ... (read in full...)
He's twice my age, but I love him and my family are all against us...
Q. hello! I am a 17 year old female andI have started dating a 34 year old. Everyone is against us but I love him. My family are making me choose between them and him but they have never been there for me when I needed them and we don't get on at all. ...
A. 28 April 2005: I'm not against age differences; I'm really not. I was involved with a 45-year-old when I was 15. It lasted for years, so I know whereof I speak. I do, however, wonder what a 34-year-old has in common with you, to make your relationship wor... (read in full...)
The sex is poor, he doesn't treat me well, he drinks... and I feel lonely...
Q. It's hard to explain my situation in short question. I am 41 years young. I have been with my partner for 4 years. I feel very lost and lonely. The best time we had together happened within the first couple of months. We had good sex for about a ...
A. 28 April 2005: Ask yourself: Are you worse off with him than you'd be without him? Although your relationship started off great, it went downhill awfully fast, and from reading your letter, this man doesn't do anything to thrill you or even make you happy any mo... (read in full...)
I have to stay in touch with my ex for my son's sake. Did we do the right thing splitting?
Q. My son's father has a mental health problem and we have been having a lot of ups and downs. We decided to split after a three-year relationship, I want to know if we have made the right choice, as we have a child together and need to stay in conta...
A. 28 April 2005: The definition of "being a family" is very elastic these days and certainly includes other groups than "Dad, Mum and The Kids". And the fact is, if Dad and Mum aren't well-suited to each other, that particular family arrangement can do more harm ... (read in full...)
Boys don't want to kiss me... Is it because I'm a tomboy?
Q. No boys fancy me and when I do go out with a boy they never want to do anything......I don't want to have sex but a kiss every once in a while would be nice. I am 12 and a tomboy, do you think this is why boys never want to do anything with me ...
A. 26 April 2005: There are probably a couple of factors at work here. The most important one is that you're 12, and so the boys you're going out with are probably 12 or so, too. That's awfully young to be going out at all and - judging by the questions this w... (read in full...)
My brother has chosen his druggie girlfriend over me, but I miss him...
Q. My brother is living with a girl I can't stand. He was sent away for 8 months for drug rehab and has now been clean for over a year. His girlfriend is also a recovering addict. They were involved together before he went away and she told him she ...
A. 26 April 2005: I'm so sorry to hear that your brother has shut you out over this. Take some consolation in the fact that he knows, on some level, that she's bad news. That's why he's so desperate to shift blame to someone else. Like you, unfortunately. ... (read in full...)
Because all I can think of is my ex, I can't seem to move on with my new boyfriend...
Q. I was with my ex bf for 4 years on and off. I was in love with him. He was my first love. We split up a few times and saw other people in between but we always came back to one another. We got engaged and 6 months later we split up. Sixmon...
A. 26 April 2005: You know why you can't move on? Because you don't want to. Every time you try to step out of your old rut, you drag yourself back into it. The question is, Why? Here you are, almost year after your on-again, off-again relationship. Yo... (read in full...)
During sex, he called out someone else's name... and I know her!
Q. I'm totally crazy about my boyfriend and thought I could trust him. Now I'm not so sure. A couple of nights ago he called out a girl's name while we were having sex. I know the girl, he always told me that he just thought of her as his mate's ...
A. 26 April 2005: Don't worry too much about wringing out "the truth". You already know what it is, but you just don't like it: he was having sex with you, and thinking of someone else. When you caught him out, he gave you the most implausible excuse ever! As ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is telling everyone my personal business...
Q. I am 12 years old and I need some advice badly. My boyfriend found out that I've started my periods and is telling everyone. What shall I do?...
A. 26 April 2005: Do you really want a "boyfriend" who gets such enjoyment out of making you unhappy? He sounds like an irritating little weasel who's big-noting himself at your expense. It's not surprising that he's behaving this way. Most boys and quite a few ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to my tutor and she's a woman, too. Is this a problem?
Q. I'm a female. I like a female college tutor. I'm 17 and shes 25. Is it ok?...
A. 26 April 2005: Your tutor being the same sex is less of an issue than her being... your tutor. If you follow me. Whenever there's a student-teacher relationship, there's an imbalance of power, and it's not conducive to a good romantic relationship. Yo... (read in full...)
I have a new woman in my life, but I'm terrified of criticism...
Q. I live in the U.K. and was married for over 25 yrs to an Eastern European woman, then she had an affair. She blamed me for it and criticised me for being small (4 in) and circumcised, (boring) not like her lover. His size and foreskin made for ...
A. 26 April 2005: For a start, try to put the blame for your divorce where it belongs: your ex-wife had the affair. Your ex-wife brought home genital warts. Your ex-wife criticised the size of your penis and made you feel less of a man. Those were unfair things to do ... (read in full...)
Things are moving so fast, that I'm getting confused...
Q. Hi I'm seing this guy for about a month now. He has just come clean with me and told me that he is married and has a child and that he wannts to leave her for me and come and live with me. I do relly like this person but I don't know if I'm ready ...
A. 25 April 2005: Tell him No. And stand your ground, because this guy is definitely a user and he'll try to push you into letting him live with you. You don't know this man at all. You've only known him for 4 weeks. He's already proved that he can withhold importa... (read in full...)
I don't think I'm gay, but I did once have sex with another boy...
Q. I'm a young boy, under the age of 15 but I've had sex. The thing is it was with another boy. I haven't done for a good couple of years and I don't find boys attractive. I've had a few girlfriends as well but that doesn't stop me from being worried ...
A. 25 April 2005: My understanding is that quite a few lads experiment sexually with other guys their age, when they're about 12, 13 or 14. After that, you develop more confidence with girls and this kind of thing tends to fade into the background. You're the onl... (read in full...)
If I don't given in to his request for sex every time, he goes sulky. Is he just using me?
Q. My boyfriend gets the sulks every time I refuse sex & when I refuse to spend the night with him. It ain't that I don't want to spend the night with him, it's just that I can't because I'd have to lie to my mum about him staying, because she doesn't ...
A. 24 April 2005: No, I don't think you should be too quick to "get rid of him"; not if he makes you happy most of the time. You will have to discuss this matter with him, though, and explain that you're not just there for the sex. Tell him that, although you enj... (read in full...)
We broke up but we still live in the same house. Now he's trying to make me jealous...
Q. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago but we still live together in our house but in seperate bedrooms. The thing what I want to know is, can we make amends? He tries to make me jealous by saying things like he is going on a lads' holiday ...
A. 24 April 2005: I don't think that he's trying to make you "jealous" as much as he's trying to convince you that he's moving on with his life by telling you the details of his plans. He may also be trying to "convince himself" that he's over you, but that fact tha... (read in full...)
Too drunk to remember why, but I woke up next to a pretty redhead. Should I confess?
Q. A couple of nights ago, me and my girlfriend were having a real big fight, and she suggested a 'break-esque' thing, some time apart, and I thought she meant we were breaking up, so I went to a bar and got really drunk... and all I remember is waking ...
A. 24 April 2005: I think you should... but only if you see yourself getting back together with her. If it's over, you don't have to mention it. However, if you want this relationship to continue, you should tell her, first, because it will clear your conscience ... (read in full...)
Married for a month and my wife has lost interest in sex!
Q. A few months before I got married (just four weeks ago) my wife had to stop taking the pill for health reasons. She seriously dislikes condoms and as a result has lost all motivation towards sex to the point that she's almost scared of it now. She's ...
A. 24 April 2005: For a start, ask her if she thinks there is a problem with the sudden disappearance your sex life. You might be surprised by what she tells you. I suspect she misses the sex and intimacy, but, if she's very sexually conservative, might be ... (read in full...)
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