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*haz
writes: My boyfriend gets the sulks every time I refuse sex & when I refuse to spend the night with him. It ain't that I don't want to spend the night with him, it's just that I can't because I'd have to lie to my mum about him staying, because she doesn't like him. It really annoys me when he thinks I should have sex with him every time he wants to, which is every time we're alone, which is quite a lot of the time. Were both 17. He doesn't talk to me for about half an hour every time I refuse sex. Is he just using me for sex? Or is it because he's young? The rest of the time he's really sweet & caring & he tells me he loves me. Should I get rid of him? He's promised me he would never cheat on me. I feel I have to give in to him every time just so that he's happy again. I don't give in all the time. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 April 2005):
 No, I don't think you should be too quick to "get rid of him"; not if he makes you happy most of the time.You will have to discuss this matter with him, though, and explain that you're not just there for the sex. Tell him that, although you enjoy it too most of the time, there are times when you just want to be valued as a person and a friend, not as a handy, randy sex partner.It's going to be tough for him, no question. With the raging libido of a young man, it's not really a surprise that he's disappointed when you knock him back. His disappointment is fine, but the way he's expressing it - and "punishing" you for it - is wrong. You need to let him know that the silent treatment just isn't a respectful response to you. Sex is a choice that you both should be making, and if he's bullying you into it, by sulking when you tell him Not Right Now, then he's taking advantage of you.If you're generally happy as a couple, and if he doesn't try to force you to take actions you'd rather not in other areas, then this isn't a show-stopper. All couples have to compromise in one area or another. However, you need to speak up and tell him that the way he's behaving now about the issue is like a spoilt kid, not like a loving boyfriend. This isn't about your 'giving in' to make him happy. This is about respecting you as a person and as his girlfriend and about not treating you as a "mobile vagina", that exists solely for his pleasure.Hope that I've helped clarify things for you.
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