Like what
she writes?
... Add *ev Conolly to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
|
|
Don't want to let on that it's my first time. Can he tell I'm a virgin?
Q. I am about to lose my virginity, but I would rather not tell the guy that it is my first time. Will he notice that I am a virgin? Please reply to this I need to know urgently. Thanks very much....
A. 9 July 2005: Short answer: he'll probably know. Or at least suspect. It depends on how much sexual experience HE has. The first reason he's likely to guess that you're a virgin is that first-time sex for a woman isn't always a transcendental experience and i... (read in full...)
After our romantic weekend, he said he doesn't love me any more...
Q. My guy of two years broke up with me three weeks ago, he says that he does not love me anymore. Earier that same week he took me out of town and we spent an awesome romantic weekend. What should I do? I am so confused. Should I just let him go?...
A. 8 July 2005: I don't mean for this to sound as brutal as it does, but you don't really have a choice.
If your ex doesn't love you any more, there's nothing you can do but let him go. (Would you really want to be around someone who doesn't return your love?)
... (read in full...)
I'd like to move from friendship to something more, but I don't want to risk what we have!
Q. Recently I have felt feelings for a guy which are more than friendship. I have known him for 13 years and would like to be more to him than a friend but how can I tell him? I don't want it to ruin our friendship if it doesnt work out. Please help...
A. 8 July 2005: Is this guy free to date you, with no other romances in his life right now? And you likewise?
If you're really friends, then you're not risking anything by asking him to meet you for coffee one afternoon. If you're really friends, you can tell him... (read in full...)
We fight over when to get married. Is he looking for someone better than me?
Q. Me and my fiance are fighting a lot. I think it may be because I am ready to get married and get my life started and I feel he is not. Is he holding out because he thinks he can find better? Does this mean hes not in love with me or does he just ...
A. 8 July 2005: How long have you two been together? How old are you both?
Maybe you're just rushing him, especially if you're young or have only been dating for a year or so.
If you're still young - say, up to your mid-20s - then there isn't any rush to get ... (read in full...)
He knows I don't want to marry him, but he's already bought our tickets back to his country!
Q. I am female 27 yrs old and English, I have been in a relationship with an Albanian Guy for nearly four years. He has been back home to his country and came back to see me Feb this year. Now he wants to get married and I don't. I told him I would ...
A. 7 July 2005: Danger! Danger! Danger! What part of "no" doesn't this man understand?
This guy is already manipulating you! How will it be, once he gets you "home" and out of your own culture?
So he feels "let down", so what? Relationships end. You're not ... (read in full...)
This will be my first time having sex and I'm worried I won't know what to do!
Q. It's my first time having sex and I don't really know what to do. If I'm having sex in the missionary position do I just lie still or should I move with the bloke? It seems a silly question but I'm nervous I won't know what to do....
A. 7 July 2005: Try not to worry. It's not a performance and you won't be given a grade. ;-)
Sex - I'm sure I've written innumerable times - is supposed to feel good and be fun. Otherwise why would people do it, right? So do what feels right for you. Most peo... (read in full...)
I want to come out to the oldies...
Q. What is the least shocking way to tell your parents that you're gay?...
A. 7 July 2005: I don't suppose this falls into the category of Gentle Ways to Break the News, but a good friend of mine came out by dancing in the Gay Mardi Gras, holding a banner that said, "Mum, Dad... I have something to tell you."
More seriously though, ... (read in full...)
I want to be a part of his life, but he scolded me for calling him...
Q. I love a guy who is 1 year older than me for 5 years. We were students at that time. Now I am still studying and he is working. Recently he faced a very big financial problem. He does not want to communicate with me. He said no meeting or love til...
A. 7 July 2005: This man seems to believe that he's not worth your attention until he's a big success, which to him means making a lot of money. Because he's not a success yet, he thinks that he's worthless or that he's failed and that makes him unhappy.
That'... (read in full...)
I start off hard, then go soft. What's wrong?
Q. When i am making love to my girlfriend, (in the beginning) I always have a hard erection. but, as we go on, my penis begins to go soft which makes us stop having sex. I was wondering if you had any tips on what I should do without taking pills to ...
A. 7 July 2005: If you get a hard erection at the start, then I don't think that you need a pill. Can you have an orgasm when you masturbate? If you can, then I doubt that you have any serious medical problems; there might just be something bothering you.
Maybe... (read in full...)
He read my email without even consulting me! I've got nothing to hide, but don't I deserve my privacy?
Q. The other day, I was writing an e-mail to my girlfriend. She had told me some very personal information and I was replying to some concerns she had about her upcoming divorce. When I left the computer to answer the phone, my boyfriend had came to my ...
A. 7 July 2005: I wouldn't have stood for it and if it'd been me, he would have copped a serious blast about personal boundaries.
You are absolutely entitled to your privacy, and in no way were you overreacting. All the well-meaning bluster about "love has no s... (read in full...)
Why is it so hard to deal with my partner's 10-year-old-son?
Q. How can I deal with my partner's child? I'm really struggling to cope with my partner's 10 year old son and I don't know why. This girl is the girl of my dreams; I've been attrached to her ever since we were at school and was so happy when we go...
A. 6 July 2005: Try to see this from the boy's point of view. Your girlfriend's son sees two things going on and he doesn't like either one. First, he sees a stranger taking the place of the man he regards as his mum's "proper" partner. Second, he has to share his ... (read in full...)
What's the best way for woman-on-top?
Q. I am in a long-term relationship and I have already had sex. We used the missionary position however I would like to go on top but I am nervous and I need some more information. Do I kneel or sit sraight up? Which is easier?...
A. 6 July 2005: If you're in a long-term relationship and having sex, surely you feel confident enough to experiment a little? Wy not try it both ways? It's not a job interview, you know! ;-) You won't get "fired" if you do it "wrong", so try out all your options ... (read in full...)
His friends seem more important to him than our time together...
Q. I have been dating my now boyfriend for a little over a month. We were long-distance friends for over a year until he moved back into the area. I am having a problem with his friends taking priority over me. He works nights so the time we get to see ...
A. 5 July 2005: You've only been dating for a few weeks, so give him time to adjust! From my reading of things, you moved from friends to dating fairly quickly, and now you appear to want him to choose you exclusively in "a little over a month" of going out.
... (read in full...)
We didn't have actual sex... but could I still be pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in love, and we do not have sex because we do not feel that it will benefit our relationship right now. We do however immensly enjoy foreplay, and "dry sex". Well I've missed my period after 'dry sex' and was wondering if I ...
A. 5 July 2005: Sigh... Yes. It can be incredibly easy to get pregnant.
Sperm cells can easily swim through woven cloth if there's enough fluid, so it depends on where he ejaculated and how much got into your underwear etc.
I'd advise you to get a pregnancy ... (read in full...)
Could my girlfriends be right about this guy's shady background, or am I worrying too much?
Q. I have met a man on the internet about 4 months ago and see him about every two weeks as he goes on a lot of fishing trips and lives in a houseboat in Teddington. My concern is I do like him but am worried about his past although of course w...
A. 5 July 2005: No, sorry, I'd be with your girlfriends - and your instinct - on this one.
He might have money, but you need to protect yourself from danger and protect your kids from bad role models. This guy sounds like a poster-boy for drugs traffick... (read in full...)
Right now, our relationship is great! So why do I worry that I might lose him?
Q. Hello, Bev, your advice would be much appreciated on this and anyone else who would care to help. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now & i love him so much & he loves me back. He tells me all the time & says he would love it if we co...
A. 5 July 2005: You might be getting frightened of the idea of his leaving you because you're associating your value as a person, as a woman, as a lover with his love for you. If he leaves you (so your internal reasoning goes), then you're not a good person, you're ... (read in full...)
I need help with my questions about contraception...
Q. I have a very strong thought about this and we ( My girlfriend and I did it twice in a month ) are pretty unsecure. First of all, we have had sex , very much unprotected and I'm very much aware about it that is wrong, not the fact of having interc...
A. 5 July 2005: Hi there,
I can answer the questions you've asked, but it sounds like you need to know a lot more about the topic of contraception.
I strongly recommend that you and your girlfriend BOTH read the information on either www.contraceptio... (read in full...)
There's nothing between us any more. Should I carry on for the sake of our child?
Q. Hi I'm desperately unhappy. My partner is five months pregnant .. we do not get on ... no love, no care, no kindness... and we are about to move into a house togther. Should I go through with it for the sake or our baby or end it now please ? ...
A. 3 July 2005: Don't move in together. If you do, the absence of feeling that you have for this woman will turn to resentment, or worse. The watching world will expect that the two of you, expecting a child together, to act like a happy couple, and you'll learn ... (read in full...)
From what I saw on her phone, my mum's having an affair. What should I do?
Q. I heard my mum's phone go off the other day and she asked me to check it so I did and found texts from a work colleague. Based on what they were saying, I think I can safely assume they're having an affair - whether they are actually doing stuff or ...
A. 3 July 2005: Hoping it stops isn't going to make much of a difference, although it's understandable that you didn't want to be confronted with proof of your mother's sexual infidelity.
Frankly it surprises me that she'd ask you to check her phone when she knew... (read in full...)
Was he trying to drop hints, or was he just having a normal chat with me?
Q. I get on with my partner's mate (who is married) quite well even thought I have only known him about 10 months and don't see him that often. Question that I need to know, ok he was a bit drunk and we had been chatting for about 10 minutes about a ...
A. 3 July 2005: Sounds to me like he was fishing around, seeing if you'd be prepared to reciprocate with some sexual secret of your own.
He was probably also waiting for you to make some sort of comment about his having sex six times in a night, like by winking ... (read in full...)
Should I make a move on a guy 2 years ahead of me?
Q. Hi I'm 13 years old and there's a guy who's 15 years old in Year 10 who I'm in love with. We always se each other at school. He always stares at me and smiles at me. My friends are sure that he feels the same about me, but they don't think that...
A. 3 July 2005: Hi hon,
I know that it feels like you're in love with this guy, but you don't know anything about him (What's his least favourite pasta dish? When was the last time his mother embarrassed him? What was the name of his first pet?) - so you can'... (read in full...)
Even though it's legal for me to have sex now, I'm too scared!
Q. Hi, I'm 16. It is now legal for me to have sex. I'm scared to have it. My friends tell me to wait till I'm ready, but there is a boy I really like, he always tells me he wants me to be his first. I liked attention from him so I said "you never kn...
A. 3 July 2005: What makes you think that, if you don't have sex with the first guy who asks, that you'll "never have a boyfriend"?
Is that all you think of you're worth? Are you just the life-support system for a vagina?
Don't you think that you might - just... (read in full...)
I'm reluctant to have sex with my girlfriend because I think my penis doesn't measure up!
Q. I am 17, am dating a girl, I haven’t yet had sex, but the time is getting closer where it will happen, and I want it to, but I am very self conscious about the size of my manhood. I hear of the average size being 6.5 inches, but after measuring mine ...
A. 2 July 2005: I've got good news for you... and good news.
The first good news is that your girlfriend isn't going to laugh at the size of your penis. She's not going to pull out a ruler and say "Oh, no! You don't think I'm going to have sex with *that*, ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to be sensible about my summer-camp guy... but could it work?
Q. ok so here is my thing. Summer loves...Im sure you have heard a lot about them. Well I went to a camp for a week right? And I met this awesome guy. I can be myself around him, and do whatever, and he still looks at me the same. I looked really g...
A. 1 July 2005: I can practically smell the burning brake pads, as you try to convince yourself not to go screaming head over heels for this guy!
You're being really sensible about this, so good on you. Keep your grip on control.
Long-distance relationships ar... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend might be (or might become) an abuser...
Q. Question for Bev You responded to the question "What are the trouble signs of a potential abuser" I am in this situation. My boyfriend has many signs, and the sad thing is, that he believes this is perfectly normal for a man to be. He...
A. 30 June 2005: Another person also answered your earlier question and did so very well: "What do your friends think?"
Maybe it's time you got an outside opinion. Do your family or friends think that your boyfriend is too controlling? Has he tried to cut you off ... (read in full...)
We're having sex and he doesn't want a "relationship", but I'm in love with him...
Q. I'm a 19 year old girl and have been sleeping with this guy for nearly a year and half. My feelings are growing stronger for him but he doesn't want a relationship. I recently sent him a text telling him what I really for him but he didnt reply. I...
A. 30 June 2005: It sounds to me like you're sleeping with him, hoping that he'll fall in love with you. But he's already told you that's not going to happen. Men can do that - separate love and sex - a lot more easily than women can.
The reason he didn't r... (read in full...)
He's with another woman, he's violent, he's given me sexually-transmitted diseases, and he's bi... but I just can't leave him!
Q. I have been with this man now for 8 months on and off. I love him I really do, but the problem is him. He is married with a baby mother and bisexual. He claims that he doesnt have sex with his babymother, yet he is by her house everyday. Don't ...
A. 30 June 2005: When I read your question, I think either a) this is a set-up, or b) this woman has a death wish. I don't like either thought.
For the moment, I'll assume that this is a real question.
What cue, exactly, are you waiting for to make your exit? ... (read in full...)
What are the trouble signs of a potential abuser?
Q. Question for Bev: I have been checking out your advice on this site. It seems like you know all the red flags in relationships that could mean your guy is an abuser or a potential abuser. What I want to know is this: Do THEY know? When you say that...
A. 29 June 2005: My experience in this arena is purely personal. I'm no psychologist, but I will tell you what I've learned since leaving my abusive relationship after seven years.
I don't believe that there's any malevolent intent by abusers. I honestly don't th... (read in full...)
Our relationship is long distance, and now I find I'm interested in someone new...
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship (for 4 years now) and my boyfriend will be moving out here to go to school in the city I live in in the fall. My problem is that lately I have become very attracted to someone else I know. On the one hand, I ...
A. 27 June 2005: Keeping the spark alive when it's long-distance is, as you know, terribly hard. I think it's wonderful that you and your bf have managed to stay together as long as you have.
It's pretty natural though, that after a while you'd be attracte... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is...
Q. I'm pregnant and I don't know who the baby's daddy is. The last time I slept with my ex boyfriend was 2 or 3 months ago and we never used protection but I never missed my period with him. Now I have a new boyfriend and I been with him for about 1 ...
A. 27 June 2005: You need to get straight to the doctor, young lady! Make that the very next thing you do.
The first thing you need to do is get tested for sexually-transmitted infections, since you haven't been using condoms. You've been exposed to all your las... (read in full...)
I'm away with my work and my bf won't answer my messages! What do I do next?
Q. My boyfriend wont answer my emails, texts, messages - what should I do? We have been together 10 years and I am away for 6 weeks for work. He hates it when I am away but we planned to keep in touch so we'd could check in and know we were both OK....
A. 27 June 2005: Did you have some clue when you left, that he was going to do this to you? Is it out of character for him to be unreachable?
If you're seriously concerned about him and/or worried that he's in some sort of strife, then why not try to contact ... (read in full...)
My friends don't feel the same way about this girl that I do. What can I do?
Q. Hey. I love this girl, who I think loves me back, but there is one problem that none of my friends like her, some even hate her and I don't know what to do. If we were to go out my friends would laugh and cheek me! ...
A. 27 June 2005: There's no real way to find out much about this girl unless you get to know her, is there? So, if you feel that strongly, ask her out... and tell your "friends" to mind their own business. Who gives a flying... stuff... what your friends think of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a schedule that he won't alter for anyone, including me, so I never get to see him!
Q. I have this boyfriend, who I've been dating for 2 months now. We live in the same city, only about 15 minutes away from each other. This guy works a full time job Monday thru Friday until 4:30 pm each day. He gets home around 5. Well he has a th...
A. 26 June 2005: To a certain extent I agree with "pops" (below), but you also have to consider that you should have known what you were getting into when you started dating this guy.
It's only been 2 months since you got together and it appears that his routines... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me and our daughter any more...
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and have a baby girl called Sydney but I'm scared he doesn't want to be with me no more. I am 17, he is 18, our baby is one. What should I do? ...
A. 26 June 2005: Step One: Recognise that you can't make someone stay with you.
Step Two: Check with Legal Aid and your local welfare agency to find out what you need to do to ensure that your daughter and you are going to be able to survive if your boyfrien... (read in full...)
I taped my fiancee's phone conversations and she's leaving me...
Q. My fiancee caught me taping her phone conversations. Every women I have been with has been unfaithful to me and I mistakingly suspected her of cheating. It appears I was wrong. We both love and adore each other but she is leaving. Obviously I ...
A. 26 June 2005: This relationship, I'm sorry to say, is shot to pieces. If your girlfriend gives you another chance after a slap like the one you've issued her, I'd say she was mad or a masochist. You screwed up and you screwed up in a very big way. The arrogance, ... (read in full...)
I'm not gay, but I'm getting interested in my bisexual friend...
Q. Hi, I have a problem, I'm a 17 yr old male and I've got a male friend who is 18. He is bisexual but he is going out with a girl who I know and she is bisexual as well. I spoke to him about it and he says he likes girls 70% and boys 30%. Someti...
A. 26 June 2005: Gay is great and so is bi... I have no issues with that, but do take your time, and don't hop straight into the sack with this guy. If he's your friend, you don't want to throw that away if the sex turns out not to be quite as you imagined.
To be... (read in full...)
Why do all the boys go for sexy girls, and not girls like me?
Q. O.K, I'm an Indie gal, and all other boys go for preps, and I kinda get left out here. Why do boys go for sexy girls and not the goth/mosher/indie girls?? :'( I really want a boyfriend, but the last (and first) boy I asked out rejected me! I get ...
A. 26 June 2005: I'm not a young guy, but in The Days of Yore, I too was one of the girls that used to get overlooked, so here's a guess...
Young men - contrary to their press releases! - are pretty easily intimidated. Sure, they boast and swagger, but that's m... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's temper is unpredictable! What should I do?
Q. I'm not sure whether my boyfriend wants me around or not. We live together and I love him very much. He works hard and I recognise he needs space sometimes as he suffers from stress. He has a temper which can just erupt; if he thinks I'm not lis...
A. 26 June 2005: I think you need to ask yourself why you'd want to build your house on the slopes of an active volcano.
Sure, he can be "caring" the rest of the time - volcanoes can just sort of sit and rumble most of the time too - but why does he have to take ... (read in full...)
Our relationship went downhill after she had an abortion. Now she doesn't speak to me...
Q. Ill keep it short and sweet. Met a girl, fell in love. Girl falls pregnant, we decide it's best to have abortion. Girl no longer even speaks to me. I can't stop thinking about her. Am I being sad, or is it her?...
A. 26 June 2005: You might have made this question *too* short and *too* sweet, because it leaves a lot of necessary information unsaid.
It would be worth your considering: How long were you together? How serious was your dating? How old are you both? Did she want... (read in full...)
My last bf sort of discouraged me from performing fellatio on him, now I think I'll be terrible at it...
Q. Im having an issue with fellatio. I'm in a new relationship and i know pretty soon he's going to wonder why i havent performed oral sex on him since he's been doing so on me. My issue is that im really insecure about this. I've been told by ...
A. 25 June 2005: Speaking as a woman who really enjoys fellatio, I think the best blowjobs are ones that the woman demonstrates that she's having fun with, too.
Let him see what you're doing, whether he's propped up on pillows on the bed, or lying down on the loun... (read in full...)
His ex-girlfriend rings him, and vice versa. Am I the bad guy for wanting it to stop?
Q. My boyfriend, whom I have been dating for about 8 months, still talks to his ex-girlfriend almost every day. It bothers me because I feel that he is not over her; even though he tells me they are "just friends". She always calls him when she is d...
A. 25 June 2005: No, you're right. His saying he'd stop and then continuing, while trying to hide the fact is WRONG.
He's showing you, at very best, complete discourtesy (this is assuming that they are nothing more than "friends"). At worst, he's sneaking around w... (read in full...)
| *ev Conolly's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ev Conolly has
added them and they have added *ev Conolly!
|
