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*zry
writes: I'm totally crazy about my boyfriend and thought I could trust him. Now I'm not so sure. A couple of nights ago he called out a girl's name while we were having sex. I know the girl, he always told me that he just thought of her as his mate's daughter, because he's known her since she was little, now she's 18. When I questioned him, he first got really angry, then he said, "look, I call people the wrong names all the time". How can i get the truth? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): This happened to me really recently, however me and my boyfriend have only been going out about 6 months, at first i totally went crazy and threw him out but after a lot of convincing, he pursuaded me that it was a mistake. and i believe him, he's right sometimes you loose yourself in the moment and say the first thing that comes to mind. in the end you can play this to your advantage, i now have him wrapped around my little finger and i even made our relationship more exciting by letting him voice his fantasies about me and this other women. now we are both honest with eachother about other people he find attractive and we both trust we would never do anything about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): He liked a girl and then liked me during/straight after he liked her, we're going out but they text eachother a lot and sometimes talk on the phone, what does it mean?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2005): This is a good example of how men if they were completely honest with their girlfriends, would be dumped in seconds. Everyone fantasises about other people / animals / vegetables / inanimate objects when the lights are off and its completely healthy. Let's face it, having sex with the same person over an extended period of time can become routine and a little mental deviation can add a bit of excitment. I'm sure the first thing all the fellas who watch a Britney Spears video on TV are thinking, 'this is outrageous exploitation of women and I will write a letter complaining about this instant'. I don't think so. They are more likely thinking, 'I hope the girlfriend doesnt come back too quick from work' and 'wheres the kleenex'. Men are either pervs or healthy depending on your point of view. If it happens again, have a sense of humour, dont doubt yourself so much, the guy is with you not her, and give him a slap and tell him if it happens again you will get the cuffs and whips out!! I'm sure that will improve things no end.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 April 2005):
 He probably is trustworthy; just because he called out her name doesn't mean to say he has been doing anything with her but it does seem as if he was thinking about her, fantasising about her which in my book is wrong. He should have been calling your name and the very fact that he wasn't suggests he wasn't totally involved in having sex with you. The mind is a very powerful tool and sometimes it can operate without us wanting it to but I'm sure he wouldn't have been too impressed if you yelled out "Oh Darren!" at the crucial moment and he probably would have said; "Who the **** is Darren?"Okay, so we can't censor what goes on in our minds but to be frank, if we really care, love, fancy the person we are with, then we are thinking about THEM when making love with them not someone else. This type of thing may happen with couples that have been together many many years and the spark has gone and they are having a few difficulties getting aroused. They may have to think of someone else to get the juices flowing but they should really be working on thinking of each other and getting each other aroused.We all have fantasies that we never indulge in but wouldn't we if we could? If the situation was right? I think it would be niave to assume that because a guy calls out another woman's name, he wouldn't want to have sex with her! That's like saying that a man would turn down having sex with an extremely attractive page three girl! Don't think so!So, next time (if there is a next time) you have sex with him, call out another man's name. If you don't want to play those type of rather immature mind games, then suggest to him that if he wants to fulfil his fantasy with the other girl, then he is quite welcome to do so. If not, could he perhaps be more involved with making love with you and think about who he really is having sex with otherwise you will find someone more committed to making you happy.Harsh words but be strong, if he doesn't want to know and gets angry, kick him into touch and find someone who does really care.Good luck.
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reader, Kitten-Man +, writes (26 April 2005):
Right! To me this sounds like this guy has had a relationship with this girl, or likes her- a lot. Maybe more than you- maybe less. If you want to stay with him and find out what's going on, then ask him directly "Have you had a relationship or want to have one with *insert here*?" From, there you believe what you want to believe.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 April 2005):
 Don't worry too much about wringing out "the truth". You already know what it is, but you just don't like it: he was having sex with you, and thinking of someone else.When you caught him out, he gave you the most implausible excuse ever! As if he'd forget your name! Puh-lease. It would make me laugh if it wasn't giving you a pink fit and making you so unhappy.But here's the lowdown, just for future reference: guys do that. Your boyfriend isn't the only one and his little verbal indiscretion doesn't mean he loves you less, finds you less attractive, or actually mean he wants to have sex with the girl whose name he called out. It doesn't make him some cheating pervert, either. He was just indulging in a little fantasy that might have popped into his head for a few seconds. His mistake was in vocalising. But what if he hadn't? You'd never have been onto him, right? And you'd be perfectly happy not knowing. That doesn't mean he's not doing it; just that you didn't know about it. So what's the differenceAnd c'mon, cut him some slack... You've probably done similar. Haven't you imagined you were having sex with someone other than him? Not even once? Not even for a few seconds? Sure you have... So why punish him?Don't sweat this one, because, honestly... you'll lose. You can't edit thoughts out of your boyfriend's head. Men don't think like women and very few can self-censor what turns them on. "Oh! I'd better not think that! My girlfriend won't like it!" Nope. Not gonna happen.Try to laugh about it. You now have the goods on his personal fantasies. Just be grateful that he didn't call out "Oh...Dame Edna!"
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reader, benjiluver +, writes (26 April 2005):
 Either he's not really in love with you and likes someone else, or he has some odd obsession that he thinks of someone else while he's with you, because I really don't think that if he was really in love with you that he'd forget your name while having sex!
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