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*lindedxoxo
writes: I'm a jealous person and I always thinks my man is cheating on me. It gets to the point where I try to figure out his passwords to his emails and stuff, just so I could read his emails to see if he has anything from any other girls. I know it's wrong and probably dumb, but he has a past of leaving me for other girls, so it's really hard to trust him.We have come a long way from that, and I can tell he has changed, but sometimes, I think he's lying to me and Ii can't help but pick at it about it to him, and then it causes a fight. I'm just too much of a jealous person. Is there any way I can stop my snooping habits and learn to trust my man?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I found this website while looking for advice from the other point of view - for the 4th time in 7 months, I have discovered my boyf is using keylogger and probably in at my phone again, and I am lost at what to do - after so many pathetic claims as to how he feels bad and cant help and loves me im sick of him and want to get as far away as possible. I have done nothing and because of horrible people like him and those who devised these programmes Im ready to end my relationship. Break up or ask him, you'll never change.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): Do you really want to be with some that has hurt you so much in the past? Your jealousy comes from low esteem and is founded on a lack of trust. Ask yourself can you learn to trust him again? If you can't I am afraid as hard as it is you will have to cut your losses and leave. If this is not an option for you then talk to him about how you are feeling and explain his past behaviour causes you to behave jealously - you need to work through this issue together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2006): I don't mean to sound rude, but why would you want to be with a guy who has previously left you for another girl?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): Do not snoop on your boyfriend. I snooped on my fiance and he had done nothing wrong. He found out I had invaded his privacy and he ended our relationship. He said he could not marry someone he could not trust. Don't do it, it's wrong. If you have worries just ask him. I lost a fiance because of stupid actions. Being trustworthy is essential, don't cross that line.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): First of all somethings depend upon time and sometimes you have to realize that you cannot change people by any means even spying on them. If you cannot get beyond your mistrust of him then it is time to move on. What you are experiencing is called "the slow poison". If it continues it will cause a slow agonizing death of your relationship. If you are just caught in a cycle of mistrust of everyone or you have a cause of genuine concern is your starting point for changing things. You need to sit down get paper and pen and start writing down the reasons you mistrust him. Then go over each point, if there is validity behind those points then you need to talk to him about them, deal with them and move either on in the relationship or move on on out of it. If there is no validity and you are just have and you are only dealing with internal feelings of your own. You need to actively take responsibility for your own feelings and deal with them one by one. First of all analyze your reasons for feeling the way you do, most times just understanding the "whys" will help you to move into the solutions. If all else fails visit a dating site that focuses on real relationships such as http://www.maturematrimony.com You need to be with someone you feel you can trust and feel whole. Good luck!
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reader, dan102938 +, writes (16 May 2005):
well I haven't really dated or anything like that, but I do kinda, sorta have a friend that is.........never mind...I can understand your reason that you would spy on your b/f if he has been with other girls when he was supposed to be with YOU!!! And I'd suggest that you slowly try to not worry about it....but slowly... remember that okay? That's what I'd want to hear if someone told me anything...have good luck with your problem and everything!!!!!!:]
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 May 2005):
 If your boyfriend was cheating and you caught him at it, what would you do?What would you say? Would you want him back? Would you break up with him? Why or why not?I'm not just asking empty questions so I can sound like a primary-school history textbook. You need to think about the questions, because the answers you supply will help you learn to trust your boyfriend. Or, it will clarify for you that he's a cheat that you don't want to bother with any more.Calling yourself "a jealous person" doesn't excuse your snooping, by the way. You're just rationalising your behaviour, as if being "jealous" is something that's beyond your control and an unseen Hand of Jealousy guides your actions like some celestial puppeteer when you're sneakily trying out passwords so you can access his private email. Nah. You have a choice between snooping or not, and you're choosing to do it. But you can change your habits. The very first thing to do is to have some respect for yourself. Recognise that your boyfriend thinks you're attractive and wants to be with you. There are approximately 3,000,000,000 women in the world (give or take 100 million) and your boyfriend is with... you. Out of all of them, he found something special that he wants to share --- with you. So there must be something special and good about you that he can see.Give him some credit for good taste, will yer? ;-)Maybe he's not a saint, particularly if he's left you and come back in the past. One interesting point about that, though, is that he keeps coming back. And even more interestingly, YOU keep TAKING him back. So there has to be some sort of connection between you.He might be screwing it up because he's not mature enough not to play up sometimes. This is when it becomes totally your call. If he cheats and you have the goods on him, and you KNOW it's true - you don't merely worry that it's true - what are you going to do?Would you take him back? Would you split? Would you drag the other girl around by the hair until you got tired and left her in traffic? In other words, do you feel that what you have is worth keeping and trying to iron out the wrinkles, or have you had it up to 'here' with his playing around and you're not going to take it any more?Answer that question to your own satisfaction and you can stop worrying so much (and stop snooping, since you won't be worrying). If what you have with him is good and you're going to work at it with him no matter what, then you've made your decision that he's worth it. If you can't stand the idea that he's cheating - remember, you have to know it for a hard, cold fact - then you're done with him. Is there a middle ground? I don't think so.Don't transfer your insecurities about the relationship to him, though. Unless you've seen something, or a friend has video, everything else is just hearsay. Picking at him because you "think" he's lying is just wrong. That's blaming him for something in your brain!Finally, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him about your worries and how it eats you up inside because you don't want to think you're going to lose him. Tell him that you're working to be less of a snoop and you need him to demonstrate his committment to your relationship a bit more than he has in the past.Good luck.
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