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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Is he worth the trouble of sleeping with?
Q. My problem is that I have been sleeping with this boy for about a year, but every time I ask him out he lies to me. He also has dated many of my friends behind my back. Is he worth all this trouble?...
A. 23 March 2005: I think you know the answer to this one already... No, of course he's not. You're shortchanging yourself by giving him what amounts to free sex. You're getting nothing in return. Not his affection, nor his loyalty. He doesn't appear to be... (read in full...)
Do I have sex with the boy I like, even though he might also be having sex with someone else?
Q. I really need help. There is this boy. I really like him but he asked me to have sex with him and I said yes. But I found out the same night he was planning on having sex with another girl as well. Then when I asked him he says it is not true. P...
A. 23 March 2005: The short answer is No. No, no, NO. Don't. You're talking about the most intimate act that two people can have together, and this boy won't even admit to whether he's planning on having sex with someone else, too? He sounds like a weaselly littl... (read in full...)
We were so good together for two years, but now I feel more like one of his mates than his girlfriend!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. I am only 18 and my parents think this is just a crush. We have always been happy together my boyfriend and I, until lately he has become distant and treats me more like one of his guy mates. He ...
A. 23 March 2005: Hi, Here's a mental exercise for you, to illustrate the point I want to make to you about you and your boyfriend. Think about who you were two years ago, when you two started going out in 2003. Think about the classes you were taking. Think a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has never given me a reason not to trust him... but I still don't!
Q. Will I ever trust my boyfriend? We have been together for nearly 2 years but I feel as if I don't trust him. My last serious boyfriend cheated on me loads of times but I never knew until after we had split up. He hasn't given me any reasons why ...
A. 23 March 2005: Maybe you're already aware of this on some level, but this isn't about your boyfriend; this is about you. It's about why you think that you don't measure up to other people. It's about your self-esteem issues. And ultimately it's going to be abou... (read in full...)
I'm not attracted to her, but I don't want to break her heart by breaking it off...
Q. I want to know what I should do now Since meeting with a woman online who I felt I loved, and feel perhaps maybe I still do in a way, I have a constant sadness in me. I am not attracted to her and it has got where, I have lied to her about ...
A. 22 March 2005: You're sweet to want to spare her feelings, but this is definitely one of those cruel-to-be-kind situations. Drawn out to its logical conclusion, your continuing to lie to her in this way is going to end up with her becoming more attached to you,... (read in full...)
Things between my fiancee and I are strained and I don't know why.
Q. I have been seeing my fiancee for a year and a half. We got engaged 6 months ago. When we first met, life was great but I seem to be losing interest . Sex life is very low because she is either too tired or has a sore back . When I ask a question ...
A. 21 March 2005: The best advice I can give you is to defer the wedding plans. You don't have to cancel the plans outright, but both of you should admit that this isn't the right foot on which to start out a life together and you need to work on communicating better ... (read in full...)
I hadn't heard from my ex in months, until she got married. Now she's chatting and phoning. What's up?
Q. I was in a relationship with a women I love very much for 5 years. Bottom line, we broke up. We broke up on July 4th 2004. I read in my newspaper a month or so ago she has got married. I haven't talked to her for the last 5 months. I got an email...
A. 21 March 2005: Hi, This must be so confusing and stressful for you, given your history together! I'd suggest that your ex's marriage isn't turning out quite the way she'd dreamt. If she didn't meet her husband until after you two broke up, then it was a pret... (read in full...)
I have braces and the boy I like is a brace-hater....
Q. I have just recently had braces put in. I like this boy but he likes girls who are fit and who do not have braces. What should I do? ...
A. 21 March 2005: I'd say not to worry too much and keep smiling at him. Make those braces gleam. Although it may not feel that way right now, braces are a temporary distraction and they won't be there forever. Besides, there's a lot more to you as a person than... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks our relationship is "a chore"...
Q. My boyfriend says that our relationship is getting too much and is a chore. I don't want to leave him. What can I do?? Thanks...
A. 21 March 2005: There isn't much detail there about what aspects of your relationship he thinks are so taxing. A few points to ponder: 1. Are there really a lot of distractions in his life right now, putting romance on the "back burner"? Things like exams, work... (read in full...)
We broke up because he needs time "to think". Will we get back together?
Q. My boyfriend recently broke up with me, and says he needs time to think. I love him so much and he says he loves me too. I want him back so much, but what do I do?...
A. 19 March 2005: Give him the time and space he needs, for a start. If you two are going to be a strong couple, you have to learn to give him some time to himself. This is all he's asked for and you can be most supportive to the man you love by allowing him all... (read in full...)
He's older and we were only good friends, until we started kissing...
Q. I've known this guy for a couple of months or so and we've gradually become really good friends. The other night our relationship turned into a little bit more and we ended up rolling around in bed and smooching. I must admit, I felt a little ...
A. 19 March 2005: It sounds as if your older friend had a sudden realisation that he was skating on thin ice by rolling around, kissing you. You don't say how old either of you is, but you infer that you're not of legal age, while he is. From your reluctance to me... (read in full...)
When my b/f cheated, he left another girl pregnant. He thinks I should be "over it" by now.
Q. I have been with my partner for 5 years on and off. I'm at the point now though that I don't know if we can carry on. He has cheated on me twice. With the second girl, he left me and stayed with her for 8 months, but then got back with me. But when...
A. 19 March 2005: Hi, You didn't used to be a carpet in a past life, by any chance..? Just checking. I only ask, because this... I hesitate to use the word 'man'... this... person is trampling you and every other person with whom he's had a sexual relatio... (read in full...)
I'm not ready to kiss or hug my girlfriend. Am I frigid at 12?
Q. Hey! I am 12 years old and I am with a girl in my form. We've been going out for just about a week alone, and I guess I am frigid/shy. I am shy to kiss her or even hug her in the playground. My mates always kiss their girlfriends! What do I ...
A. 18 March 2005: Hey to you! My guess is that you're not frigid or shy... I suspect that the root of the problem is that you're just 12 years old and not completely comfortable with having a girlfriend yet. But the good news is: Nobody is! Not at 12, anyway. ... (read in full...)
My brother wants me to dump my girl, because she's his ex...
Q. I recently got together with my brothers ex girlfriend and am now in a difficult situation. We really like each other and would like to continue seeing each other, but my brother has advised me against it. He says he wants to move on with his life ...
A. 18 March 2005: If I were you, I'd be saying "Sorry, brother. As much as I'd enjoy having you direct my love life, I have to follow my heart on this one". I have to tell you, this smells faintly of fraternal jealousy to me... as if he doesn't want you to have what ... (read in full...)
It feels like I'm the fifth wheel, when my bf & his ex play "happy families"...
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 10 months now. It's been very very difficult as his ex girlfriend gave birth to their baby 2 weeks after I started seeing him. Anyway, things have been quite strained in the sense that his ex dictates...
A. 18 March 2005: If you mean "What can I do to stop my boyfriend wanting to see his child?" then you're asking the wrong question. When you met him, he was already well on the way to being somebody's dad. You say that his baby was born just weeks after you met hi... (read in full...)
I can't stop counting... and counting. It's ruining my concentration.
Q. I have a problem, with counting! Strange but I do, because I start counting and I don't know I'm doing it. I have to go up to 5,10,15,20 etc. I cannot concentrate at school and I really hate it. At least I will not forget how to count! PLEASE HELP!...
A. 18 March 2005: Hi, Don't worry! You're OK, but it sounds like you're suffering from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Counting all the time must be really annoying, but there are other compulsions that are much more difficult to deal with, like hand-washing and... (read in full...)
I'm so worried about my boyfriend's drinking and the way he acts when he's drunk...
Q. Me and my boyfriend get on fantastic. We are really in love, but then he goes out with his mates a lot and gets very drunk. He turns into a nasty person towards me when I confront him about drinking and he shouts abuse at me and tells me to "fuck ...
A. 17 March 2005: I can hear from your letter how unhappy you are about the way your boyfriend seems to change when he drinks. But you also need to look seriously at your own feelings and behaviours. Going off your letter only, you start by saying that you and he ... (read in full...)
I feel unwanted and my boyfriend won't talk to me about it...
Q. My boyfriend has been very distant over the past few months and never has time for me and makes me feel unwanted and there when he wants... What can I do? I've tried to talk to him but it causes an argument...help??...
A. 14 March 2005: If even there was a case when you should let someone go, this would be it! He might have been your boyfriend once, but now he sounds like a moody grizzle-guts who doesn't want you around. Okay, since he doesn't want to be around you, by definiti... (read in full...)
I was left with our kids, but now he's visiting and phoning me every day!
Q. My ex left me with 2 kids last year, but he is now coming to see us daily, and he phones me daily. Why do you think he'd so this?...
A. 14 March 2005: It sounds a bit like he misses you and the kids. Maybe he's been away for a while and realised what else the world had to offer, and how good he had it with you. My suggestion would be to ask him outright: "You left us two years ago, but ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my brother what I know about his wife..?
Q. Hi I am in tormoral, I have just found out that my sister in law who I am very close to is having an affair with a man she works with. She does not suspect that I know a thing. My brother would be devastated, he lives for his wife and their childr...
A. 14 March 2005: I know your heart must be aching for your brother, but this isn't a revelation that should be coming from you, even as much as you care. If you insinuate yourself into this circumstance, your brother will feel automatically inclined to defe... (read in full...)
I'm interested in the younger sister, but is that wrong?
Q. Dear cupid, I have liked this girl and I think she likes me but I went out with her older sister and she is 3 years younger than me and when I told my mate how I felt he said I was wrong and I needed help . Do you think i should ask this girl out...
A. 14 March 2005: You don't say how old you are, or how old the two girls are, either, so it's difficult to give you a precise answer. I'm guessing that you're pretty young yourself (perhaps 14 or 15) if you're relying on dating advice from your mates, so that w... (read in full...)
I'm happy in my marriage, but I don't get enough sex... so I look elsewhere...
Q. Hi, I'm 33yr old male and married. Although I'm very happy in my relationship I feel the need to stray. I am sex mad, although I don't actually do anything about it, well not for quite a while anyway. I love the mature woman and have quite a lot of...
A. 13 March 2005: Hi, From your letter, it doesn't sound like you're asking about a problem, but I suspect you're harbouring more than a little guilt about cheating on your wife so often and so brazenly. I can't help wondering if your wife is aware of your phila... (read in full...)
How do I find my soul mate?
Q. I am finding it really hard to find my soul mate. How do I know I'm in Love if I don't know what Love is??...
A. 13 March 2005: A good place to start is to recognise that the whole "soul mate" ideal - the fantasy that there exists one perfect person somewhere Out There, someone who is Exactly Right For You - is a load of old tosh. Every single human everywhere is im... (read in full...)
If I want to ask out my best mate's little sister, should I tell him first?
Q. I have strong feelings for my best friend's little sister. They don't live together and she's 2 years younger than me. We flirt a lot and we enjoy each other's company but if I ask her out I don't want to ruin my friendship with my best. I dont...
A. 13 March 2005: Why not invite your mate and his sister out with you together? The three of you can have fun and you can also get to know your mate's sister a little better, before you decide if you want to go out with her on her own. Then, if you decide you D... (read in full...)
No sex since the first time... and she can't tell me why.
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been with my girlfriend for about four months now. We slept together once about three months ago but have not since. I asked her more than once if there's a problem but she says she can't tell me because it's thi...
A. 13 March 2005: Hi Mr Huggies, It's possible that your girlfriend is trying to reconcile a sexual assault that she might have been reminded of when the two of you were having sex. I don't mean to imply that you were anything less than gentle with her, but s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me because he didn't like my nude modelling...
Q. My bf has just split up with me because he found out that I did nude modelling and he doesn't like it. How can I get him to trust me again and give me another chance? I am willing to give up the modelling, but he just won't listen and he seems to...
A. 13 March 2005: Not to be too blunt dear, but this guy doesn't sound like he's really worth winning back. Certainly, he's not worth anything as profound as your love. What your boyfriend is doing is punishing you for your own, personal choices. You may enjoy yo... (read in full...)
Should I let him go, even though he makes me feel special?
Q. I am a married woman who is not happy in her relationship and started talking to guys on the internet. I have spoken to one in particular for only 4 weeks via the internet, over the phone and via text message and I think I am falling in love wit...
A. 13 March 2005: Don't forget that you're still in the very early stages of getting to know this man, and that your feelings right now are going to be powerful and thrilling, especially if there's been a lack of spark in your marriage for a while. That could cause ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend acts differently after he found out about the miscarriage...
Q. I had a miscarriage about 4 weeks ago. I'm seventeen and didn't want the baby. It wasn't planned and I was only about 2 weeks pregnant. I found out after I had the miscarriage. The problem is now my boyfriend acts different a lot of the time. I ...
A. 12 March 2005: I'll bet your boyfriend is scared that it might happen again, too. When you try to talk to him about it you're exploring your feelings, but he's probably reminded of just how close you two came to being really, really young parents, and how... (read in full...)
I tried to have sex with my g/f, but I couldn't get hard...
Q. When me and my girlfriend tried to have sex for the first time I couldn't get hard. I want to have sex but when we try it goes soft. Also when we are "fooling around" it gets hard and cum comes out little by little. Is this the problem? How can I ...
A. 11 March 2005: The second part of your question is easy... There isn't anything wrong with you. Most people refer to the clear liquid before you ejaculate as "pre-cum" and it's common to just about all men. Don't worry about it; it means you're normal. The first... (read in full...)
Help... I need sugestions on how to do what my parents want me to and "get on with my life"...
Q. I am starting to hate life. I'm 12 and I have been bullied all my life. My hair is slightly grey and I am short, I have at the moment got a gang of 15-17 year olds after me, I am rubbish at school and my parents tell me to get on with life! Can yo...
A. 11 March 2005: Hi there, Don't hate Life, hon. There's only one alternative and Death isn't such great shakes, either. Fair enough if you hate *your* life... That's OK, because you can change /your/ life, but don't make the mistake of thinking that living ... (read in full...)
How do I learn to trust my boyfriend around other girls?
Q. I have a problem. I'm going out with a lad who I'm absolutely in love with but I find it hard to trust him!! I know he loves me but I get very scared when he goes out round other girls! What do I do??...
A. 11 March 2005: Hi, What you first need to recognise is that the insecurity is coming from you. Your boyfriend is simply going about his life as normal, and your fear is a fear that he'll be lured away by someone "better". You're afraid that he's going ... (read in full...)
I'm happy being gay, but shocked to find I'm attracted to a woman!
Q. I'm a gay guy who has always known my sexuality and came out when I was 18 and I've always had closer friendships with females. But recently I have found myself falling for a lady who is one of my best friends at my work place. We go out for drinks ...
A. 11 March 2005: Hi, It's not that uncommon to fall for a close friend. After all, you share a special intimacy with your friends, both male and female, and you spend "quality time" together, doing fun things. Not only that, but you get to know each other so we... (read in full...)
I lied and told my mates she's going out with me, but she's getting suspicious...
Q. Hi, there is this girl who I fancy and she fancies me (she told me) but she said no when I asked her out. All my mates knew I was going to ask her out. When they asked what she said, I said she said yes cause they would laugh at me if they knew she...
A. 8 March 2005: I probably don't have to tell you it was a mistake telling your mates a lie about her response, just to save face. But in case you're unsure: yes, that was a mistake. A better reply to your mates would have been, 'No, she knocked me back, but tha... (read in full...)
She doesn't seem to like me as much as I like her...
Q. I really like this girl...but she doesn't seem to like me back. What should i do?...
A. 8 March 2005: In a case like this, there isn't much that you *can* do. There will always be people that you're romantically interested in, who don't return your affections. That's just life and it's no reflection on your personal attractiveness, so don't let it ... (read in full...)
My ex lied about a new girlfriend... He even gave me "her" bracelet. Why?
Q. A few months ago I broke up with my boyfriend. A couple of weeks ago we met at a bar, accidentally and we ended up sleeping together. The next day we both agreed that it was just sex because he didn't want to be in a relationship. Two days later, I...
A. 8 March 2005: I don't think your having slept together after the break-up has that much bearing on what's going on here, except that he sounds like he wants you back and will take whatever you give. You say that you were the one who initiated the split, and I... (read in full...)
Two men in my life, and they don't get along. Do I hope things get better?
Q. My boyfriend and my son do not get along. I wonder whether I should be patient and hope that things will improve or leave now? ...
A. 3 March 2005: Hi, You don't say how old your son is. Is he a child, who could be frightened by the sudden introduction of a man into your life? Or is he an adolescent, who probably resents the time you spend with someone else? Or is your son an adult, who ma... (read in full...)
He thinks "it's time". What do I do?
Q. my boyfriend thinks its time to start having sex im 14 and not sure what to do. can u please help me ? ...
A. 3 March 2005: Hi, Remember, you're 50% of this relationship; therefore your opinion counts just as much as his! Do YOU feel like it's time to have sex? Why or why not? Sorry to sound like a "life studies" textbook here, but you clearly aren't ready for ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he's 24... and I'm pregnant
Q. im 15 and my boyfriend is 24 we have been going out for just over a year, and we had sex without any protection. i know it was a stupid thing to do and now ive just found out im pregnant. what do i do?...
A. 2 March 2005: Hi, First, let me say that I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. You've got a lot of tough choices ahead of you (both). You need to tell your boyfriend about this straightaway, if you haven't already. He's half-financially responsibl... (read in full...)
She's so popular... would she go out with me?
Q. I fancy this girl but i cant, pluck up the courage to ask her out because everyone (nearly) is after her. From Doug ...
A. 26 February 2005: Hi there, I know it's difficult to put into practice, but just remember the old cliche: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained"! In other words, she won't know that you're interested unless you say something. So if you *don't* ask her out, she's *... (read in full...)
Do I say yes to the OK-looking boy, or hope for the gorgeous one?
Q. There is a boy in my class at school and he recently asked me out and he is still waiting on my answer... but I really like, possibly even love, this boy Steven in my class. The boy who asked me out I was talking to and he said that he really likes ...
A. 26 February 2005: Hi, This may shock and stun you, but the "popular girls" aren't going out with you or the boy, so who gives a stuff what they think? Here's a suggestion for you: don't worry about what other people think, or say, regarding your personal lif... (read in full...)
Can I ease the transition of my foreign-born wife and step-daughter?
Q. I am about to wed to a woman from another country,she has a daughter nearly 16 yrs old now,my question is how can i make things easier for all concerned,when they come over here to stay help them settle especially the daughter who will still be ...
A. 24 February 2005: Hi there, You don't say from what country your wife and step-daughter are coming, but there's a good chance that your local Council will have some programs to assist migrants in settling into the community. Speaking as a migrant myself, ... (read in full...)
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