| A ,
anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend seem to have become more distant these past couple of weeks. I love her dearly and want things to last between us. What should I be doing? I feel if I ask her 'is anything wrong?' it would make things worse between us. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 May 2005):
 Give some consideration to the possibility that her emotional distance might not be about You (singular), or even about You (plural). For example, she could worrying about a rumour that there are going to be job cuts where she works, or she might be overextended on her credit card, or her grandmother might be sick, or she's had a health scare, or she's trying to quit smoking, or she has a big presentation due at the end of the month. Etc, etc, etc. It could be anything. It needn't necessarily be something that you've done that you have to "fix". However, you're a peach for wanting to make her feel better!At the end of the day, you're not going to be able to intuit or mind-read her problem. You're going to have to broach it the old-fashioned way: verbally.If you're uncomfortable with "Is anything wrong?" (and, for what's worth, I always think that people are automatically going to say "No, everything's fine" to that question), then try a different slant:You: "I've noticed you've been a lot more withdrawn than usual. Since about Saturday. Is it anything we can talk about?"Her: "No, I'm fine."You: "You know, I love you a lot and I know you pretty well, and frankly, you don't seem fine. You seem like you're distracted and that makes me a little worried. Are you sure it's not something you want to talk with me about? I'm a pretty good listener, you know..."She might hold out and refuse to discuss it - and you'll respect that, of course - but chances are, she'd like to talk about it, whatever it is. If she doesn't, you've still really tried to get her to open up and the figurative ball is in her court after that.Hope things go OK for you.
A
reader, trusty +, writes (3 May 2005):
You can only make things better if that's what she wants to. Maybe asking her whats wrong may help but if you don't want to go there, just try and have a nice romantic meal, not too over the top, and after try and discuss what she wants out of the relationship and and tell her that you do see a future with her and ask if she sees one with you. You will get all the questions answered if you just confront them. If she loves you she will answer with only one possible answer and that is that she loves you too!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): Just get closer. No problem. Go back to when to when you were close and copy repeat what you did. Do it promptly and make it fun and remember the way it used to be. luv j.
...............................
|
