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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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My b/f is pressuring me to have sex... and I lied and said I wasn't a virgin!
Q. My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him but I don't know if I should, cos I want to save myself until my wedding night. But I lied to him so he thinks I have already had sex before with someone else, when I haven't. I feel like he's pressuri...
A. 7 April 2005: First things first: you shouldn't ever have sex with someone just to shut them up. If you do, you're cheapening the entire act and the dismissing the intimacy that you clearly regard as an important part of a very special relationship. Yo... (read in full...)
I know I'm not ready for a relationship, but I want to tell him what a great friend he's been...
Q. Dear Cupid, I've made friends with a really great guy at college, and we are due to finish this summer, when he will probably move home. I absolutely love this guy as a friend, and i think i would like to have more than that, but at the moment i...
A. 5 April 2005: I think you did a great job explaining what you feel he's done for you in your letter here. Why not use that as a starting point? Then you can either hand him your thoughts as a letter or email it to him when you've parted. No one could fail t... (read in full...)
Sex is boring and "a chore"... but only to her!
Q. Well, my sex life is - in a word - boring. Now she has told me she has only had 2 orgasms in nearly the 3 years we have been together and has been faking it for the rest of the time. I really need help because I'm very active whereas she isn'...
A. 5 April 2005: Judging from my own "scientific research" - ie: the way my friends discuss this - it's more common than not in long-term relationships. Women can cope with it, but men are universally frustrated. Try to see it from your partner's point of view an... (read in full...)
Are my fantasies telling me something?
Q. Happily married but have been having gay fantasies. Does this mean I may be bi or gay?...
A. 5 April 2005: Fantasies are just that: daydreams. Imagination. Lots of people have fantasies that they don't actually want to carry out, but that are extremely erotic for reasons that, as individuals, we don't even understand. There are a million shades of ... (read in full...)
Is my ex just putting on a friendly face, or is he interested in getting back together?
Q. My boyfriend decided to end our relationship in February because he said I'm too controlling. I tried to talk to him but he was just not interested. I eventually decided to also keep quiet, and then 3 weeks back, he started sending me emails. Each d...
A. 5 April 2005: Sorry, but I think his position is pretty clear on this one. Look at the facts: he broke it off with you, he went quiet for a number of weeks, then he started sending pleasant, superficial emails. Finally, when you said you were still interested... (read in full...)
Mum says she'll fire me if I take my b/f back and I'm so confused!
Q. Im 22 & have a 2 year old little boy with my ex-boyfriend whom I was with for 3 years. We have been through some bad times but we want to try and make our relationship work. My parents hate him. My mother is my boss and she said if I take him back...
A. 5 April 2005: I think your mum is making empty threats. She might be your boss, but she still has to provide a valid reason for sacking you...if she does, which I don't believe she will. If she can't give a legitimate reason for letting you go from her company, ... (read in full...)
She knows I like her, but I don't know how to ask if she feels the same...
Q. There is this girl I like and she knows I like her but I am to afraid to ask her if she feels the same. What should I do?...
A. 4 April 2005: Good news! You don't HAVE to ask her. In fact, it can be embarrassing and difficult for you both to try to tackle that particular question straight off the bat. So don't. If she does like you, it'll be evident in the way she talks to yo... (read in full...)
Do I believe my friend about the guy I like?
Q. Dear Cupid, I was talking to my friend recently,and she said that the guy I like "isn't worth it" and that I "need to let him go". She told me that he basically tricks girls into liking him, asks them out, and cheats on them.She also said that h...
A. 4 April 2005: If your friend told you that wombats play mah jongg, would you believe her? She may or may not be right, but why should you allow her to run your life for you and make your decisions? Is she that well-adjusted that she's never... EVER ... been wro... (read in full...)
I want to date women, but I get scared and run after just a few weeks...
Q. I could really do with some help!! OK, well am a 36 year old guy who is still single, mostly been single for all my life apart from a few weeks here and there when I've tried to date ladies. The trouble is, I just seem to panic and run away whe...
A. 4 April 2005: Hi there, You sound like a sweet, sincere guy, but I really think that you need to do some growing up. Not just the living-with-Mum thing (because there could be real family or economic reasons you still live there, even though it's kind of sym... (read in full...)
Another girl texted him sexually-explicit messages and even though he didn't reply, I feel sick with worry!
Q. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. I thought he was the perfect guy, caring, considerate and accepts me for who I am. Things were moving along pretty quickly (not on the sex front - we are both virgins and wanted to wait untill we were ...
A. 4 April 2005: Ease up on yourself and him, hon. You're making mountains out of molehills here! In your mind, you're already stamping out of his life with a tragic frown tattooed on your face, never to love again... Get real! Look at the facts: 1. You... (read in full...)
Her parents think she's straight & she cheats with men, but I love her...
Q. Hi, I'm lesbian and in a relationship with a bisexual woman. The relationships has its ups and downs and to be honest, her being bisexual is a problem for me. My problem is that even though she loves me, I know some day she might leave me for a m...
A. 3 April 2005: I'm sorry to hear about the way you're being treated by your lover. She's not really working very hard to deserve your affection. The fact that she's bi is less of an issue than the fact that she cheats with anyone, when you two are presumably i... (read in full...)
My little lie was meant to make her proud of me... but it's broken us up and I regret it deeply...
Q. I'm hurting like mad. I lied to my girlfriend and she found out I lied. She hates liars cos her ex husband lied and played away. We've been together for 2 years until she found out I lied about something. I'm in a guitar duo and said I wrote an ...
A. 3 April 2005: You have to come clean about the whole thing to her, and start fresh. Did you tell her that you only made that boast because you wanted to impress her? It doesn't excuse the lie, but she'd have to be made of stone not to feel a tiny bit flatter... (read in full...)
When I give him a hand job, he doesn't come, so I want to do better!
Q. My boyfriend hasn't been able to ejaculate the last three times in a row when I have given him a handjob. The first time I gave him a handjob he came but now he doesn't seem able to. I think it's because I give a rubbish handjobs as I am not very ...
A. 3 April 2005: The other answers are excellent, but you can also ask him to hold his hand over yours and demonstrate what he likes, using your hand. Generally speaking, hand jobs aren't very satisfying for guys (they can masturbate themselves better than we w... (read in full...)
I want to stop being selfish with my boyfriend...
Q. My boyfriend and I argue that I am always selfish. I want to change this, How do I stop being selfish?...
A. 3 April 2005: Recognising the problem is a good start. Ask yourself under what circumstances you're selfish. Is it on deciding where you go or what you do when you go out? Is it that you refuse to contribute your share to the entertainment? Do you just insist ... (read in full...)
A boy asked me out and I said "no", but I'm not even sure why because I really like him!
Q. Hi, I'm Chloe, I have a dilemma! I'm 12 years old (soon) and I think I'm falling for a boy at school and I don't think it's a crush-I think it's more than that! I think about him every second of the day, worried that he won't love me! I feel ...
A. 3 April 2005: If you're thinking of this boy "every second" and worrying that he won't "love" you, (when you aren't even involved with him yet), it's definitely a crush. It's extremely common in girls your age. It's also bordering on unhealthy obsession and could ... (read in full...)
We agreed to be "just friends", but she's now telling me she has a blind date and I don't know how to respond...
Q. Sue and I split in the first of the year. The split due in large part to an addiction problem. She stayed throughout the recovery process, only to leave (due to emotional fatigue) 9 mths later. Since then, we have rekindled a 3 month friendsh...
A. 3 April 2005: I assume that she told you because she didn't want you to hear it second-hand from someone else and then be angry or upset with her. It's only been a few months since you split and even though you're only friends right now, she surely still ... (read in full...)
Things were going well, then a few mysterious phone calls later, he dropped out of sight. Why?
Q. I recently met a bloke on a weekend away. It turned out he lives in my area so we decided to go out. From the start he was honest and said he was just coming out of a marriage after she left him. It has been 6 months since they seperated. We h...
A. 3 April 2005: Even though it was six months since his break up, it sounds as if you caught him on the rebound from his relationship. It also sounds like your suspicions are correct. From the way he acted, that phone call was probably his wife, who rang him to ... (read in full...)
None of the guys I'm interested in ever reciprocate. Starting to feel like I'm cursed!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm absolutely sick of unrequited love. I can't handle it happening to me again! It's happened too many times and it's been very hard getting over it and moving on each time. I'm 27 and have only had one proper boyfriend. We we...
A. 1 April 2005: Time to give up the dating game. I'm serious. Give it up. Don't look for guys to date, don't think about finding someone to fall in love with, don't flirt with strangers or waste time in clubs. Instead, focus on making yourself happy. Pursue ho... (read in full...)
My friend is 13 and wants to move out of her mom's house...
Q. OK now I have this friend and she is 13 turning 14 in April and she wants to know if she can move out of her house that she lives in right now with her mom and her mom's husband. She doesn't like it there. She was wondering if she could like mov...
A. 1 April 2005: She won't get into "trouble" for moving where she lives, so long as her mom gives her written consent and the adults who are responsible for your friend in her new place agree to care for her and be legally responsible for her actions. It's the ... (read in full...)
Could her fantasy of taking on a lover be something we could handle?
Q. My wife and I are best friends and keep almost nothing from each other. We have a great sex life. She has always been somewhat of a flirt and a cock-tease. I like this though, because it intrigues me and keeps me excited. She is very outgoing and ...
A. 1 April 2005: Lots of couples have done what you and your wife are thinking about, but your relationship needs to be rock-solid and backed up by trust and open discussion. You need to trust that following through on these fantasies is not going to jeopardise your ... (read in full...)
My older guy and I are being split up by his family, but I want us to work...
Q. I have been in a relationship for around 8 months. I am 17 and the guy im with is a lot older, but that has never been a problem. Recently his ex and stepson have been causing trouble and it is spliting us up. I really love him, what should i do?...
A. 1 April 2005: Right now you "really love him", but don't lose sight of the fact that you're 17 years old and your tastes in men will change with time. Think about the person you were at 15. Who your friends were and the issues that were important to you... (read in full...)
I never get out any more.... my boyfriend acts more like my dad and thinks he owns me!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I moved from my home town to be with him in his home town, and ever since I moved down, he's changed he thinks he owns me. Never lets me go out with friends and acts like my dad. Should I leave him? I h...
A. 1 April 2005: Your boyfriend's behaviour is a red flag to me. I have experience in abusive relationships and I'm worried about what you've described. One of the first things that abusers do is isolate their victims from family and friends. Your moving away from... (read in full...)
My b/f and I want to move in together, but I'm only 16 and I don't know how to tell my mum.
Q. Hi, Im currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and we are thinking about moving in together. The problem is, is that I work in southport and he is getting a flat in Liverpool so I can transfer. But the bigger problem is that I'm only 16 and m...
A. 30 March 2005: I know that you want to take that big step and move in together, but you can't have it both ways. You can't be expected to get adult benefits and still duck your responsibilities like a kid would. Either you're mature enough to make adult decis... (read in full...)
Three guys are too many choices...
Q. Hiya I have a dilemma...There are 3 guys I fancy and who fancy me back, but I do not know who to chose to go out with. Guy 1 is younger than me, which I have a serious problem with, but he treats me with respect. Guy 2 is very affectionate but...
A. 30 March 2005: The "right guy" is the guy who can make you laugh. Good looks fade, money can go out the window, romance can turn sour... but a good sense of humour is forever. Having said that, why only limit yourself to guys from work? It's bound to cause s... (read in full...)
I feel like I'll never find anyone like the boyfriend that dumped me. Do I try to get over him, or what?
Q. I've had a few boyfriends and none of them have worked. About 3 weeks ago my boyfriend finished me for one of his other mates. He told me he loved me and we had sex a few times. I really thought he was the one for me. We was so happy together...
A. 30 March 2005: I'd say you'd be better off trying to get over him. Easier said than done, I know. I say this all time, but it bears repeating: if you change yourself to "win" someone back, you're changing who you actually are, and obscuring what makes you ... (read in full...)
Our relationship changed. We don't kiss or cuddle any more and we barely talk...
Q. Me and my daughter, aged 2 at the time, left my husband because of domestic violence. At the time I was friends with a guy I used to work with. We would telephone each other and spend time together when we could. The friendship grew stronger...
A. 29 March 2005: With all the home responsibilities on you at the moment, and the pressure of caring for two very young kids, you're probably much more tired than you think! Exhaustion can have all sorts of repercussions in your relationship, not least of all... (read in full...)
I can't fall in love with my girlfriend, and now there's a new temptation on the scene...
Q. Dear agony aunt, For the last 6 months I have been seeing a girl who I like a lot but can't fall in love with. I do like her but no matter how hard I try I can't get any more feelings for her. To complicate matters further, I talk ...
A. 27 March 2005: Hi Robert, There was another person with a similar problem a few days ago. You might want to look at their question, too. http://www.dearcupid.org/quest... (read in full...)
My lying, grumpy g/f doesn't compare to the new girl, but I love her anyway. What do I do?
Q. OK, I am going to be brief. What do I do? I have a girl I've been with for 5 years. We always fight. She has a very bad attitude and is always grumpy. She doesn't use much common sense and has lied to me in the past. I will not cheat on her and ...
A. 27 March 2005: I want to ask you a simple question: WHY do you love your girlfriend? What you've written in your letter makes her out to be pretty unloveable! You say you fight, she's grumpy, she has a bad attitude, she doesn't have common sense and she's lied. ... (read in full...)
Can I help my sister see that her b/f doesn't respect her?
Q. Hi. My sister has been dating a guy who doesn't love, care or respect her in anyway. She has two kids for him. He is cheating on her, lives off her and very manipulating. The annoying part of it all is that my sister is 35 and does not want to ...
A. 27 March 2005: You're a jewel to care about your sister and want to help, but sorry, but there isn't any way that you can phrase "Hey, your boyfriend's a complete jerk" in a palatable way. In fact, by pointing it out, you're going to set her up to defend him - ... (read in full...)
I thought we were going good, but she said she wasn't interested. I was stunned.
Q. I have been introduced to this girl (R.Z) who is really attractive, through a friend of mine (a girl too). Afterwards, my friend told me that R.Z really had some good feelings for me and that she could be really interested in a long-term ...
A. 27 March 2005: Give your pride a break, sweetie, and don't sweat the small stuff. You might find this surprising, but there aren't going to be many people (besides you) who will even remember this incident in a week. Your life just isn't as important to oth... (read in full...)
My boyfriend comes too quickly... and he's embarrassed talking about it...
Q. My boyfriend doesn't like talking about sex, let alone performing. I don't know what to do. I have tried all kinds of techniques and nothing is working. What can I do to make him wild? There is one other problem: he cums too quickly. It feels as...
A. 26 March 2005: Your boyfriend is probably just embarrassed about sex generally, and that's compounded by the fact that he has a very common young man's complaint of being too quick on the draw, which is making him even more sensitive about the subject. So this i... (read in full...)
Trying hard not to fall for my co-worker, but how do I convince myself that he's just a friend?
Q. Hi, I have never been lucky enough to find the right guy for me. I am 18 and have realised that there is this person that I really like. Unfortunately there are a few snags and problems to the scenario. I work with him at work, he is 26 and married. ...
A. 26 March 2005: You're on the right track, reminding yourself that he's married. Now what you have to do is remember that he hasn't shown any overt romantic interest in you at all, so there are no sparks for you to avoid. It's plain that he likes you and enjoys ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my ex that I'm pregnant, or will he think I'm just trying to lure him back?
Q. I was recently dumped by my ex-boyfriend, and I'm really scared because something that he doesn't know is that I am pregnant with his child. I never did tell him because I was in denial. But now that everything has been clarified and I now know for ...
A. 26 March 2005: If you're confident that he is absolutely the father, you need to tell him. That's Priority Number One. It's easy to forget that, even though you're the one who's pregnant, he's 50% responsible too. I'm talking about financial and emotional re... (read in full...)
We keep breaking up, but I want to make it work this time. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I just broke up not even a week ago, and I miss him so much. We have been together on and off since I was a sophmore in high school. Now I am a freshman in college. The last time we got back together I had just found out that I w...
A. 25 March 2005: The first issue to address is, why do you keep breaking up? Is it the same problem that you haven't resolved yet, or is it a different disagreement every time? How severe is it? Do you just grizzle and snipe at each other until one of you leaves, ... (read in full...)
I only want my ex back into my life. Is my dream a big mistake?
Q. I went out with a guy for 3 years, then we went seperate ways due to our family conflicts. We both had arranged marriages. It's been 4 years now. He has 2 boys too, so he must have an active sex life with his wife. The problem is I am still in...
A. 25 March 2005: Your ex has already told you where he stands: he says he loves you, but he can't leave his wife. You have to decide now what you're going to do with his answer. You can continue to obsess about him and make yourself unhappy, whilst alienatin... (read in full...)
Everything seemed great, then she pulled the rug out from under our relationship...
Q. Wow! I thought everything was going great but I found out otherwise... I am just wondering if anyone has any idea what is going on... my girlf... ex-girlfriend and I had been going out for about 3 months... but she lives out of town. Anyways, ...
A. 24 March 2005: It's always going to be chancy trying to read the mind of the third party, but it sounds a lot like you're competing with a major diety for the title of Most-Important-Person in her life. So, er... good luck. Because religious types often ... (read in full...)
Since we broke up, it's like he's undergone a personality transplant...
Q. A few months ago my boyfriend and I were in a fairly serious relationship and we mutually loved each other. Being only 20 yrs old, I foolishly kissed someone else whilst on holiday with my friends. I completely regret my actions but my boyfrien...
A. 23 March 2005: It's one thing - and completely understandable - that your b/f was hurt and angered by your kissing someone else, but it's something else again, his going off the "deep end" and punishing you over and over. And over. And over. He's not behavi... (read in full...)
I'm due to be married, but I feel like I'm missing the fun I should be having...
Q. Hey. I am due to get married in 6 months to a wonderful man. When we met he was perfect, so much so that I gave up my life of having fun, drinking etc with my friends. I was only 18 when I done that. 22 now, and I feel like I'm freaking out about ...
A. 23 March 2005: Hold the florists. Belay the ring-bearer. Cancel the maids of honour. You are NOT ready to get married. Yet. Marriage doesn't magically change anything between the partners. What it does, is ensure that you get decades more of the same thing y... (read in full...)
His words say "I love you", but not his actions. I just want it to work out.
Q. Can someone please give me advice, I am with my boyfriend 3 years now and am finding myself getting really down and crying all the time. He is never home before 9 oclock in the evening, which is either working or in the pub, and when he does com...
A. 23 March 2005: It's obvious that staying with this man who claims to love you - whilst not showing it - is affecting your self-esteem. By your partner's definition, apparently "love" involves being selfish (making you go out at the weekends when you don't want t... (read in full...)
Sex is painful for me but I hate messing my b/f around & telling him to stop...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a while now. We are both ready to have sex and are both over the legal age, but every time we have tried I find it painful and we have to stop. Is there anything we could do to make it less painful? I feel like I'm...
A. 23 March 2005: A few quick tips: Don't rush straight into penetrative sex. Give yourself plenty of time to get into the mood, with oral sex (both giving and receiving), mutual masturbation and other types of foreplay. Take an hour, take two! Watch some porn... (read in full...)
Is he worth the trouble of sleeping with?
Q. My problem is that I have been sleeping with this boy for about a year, but every time I ask him out he lies to me. He also has dated many of my friends behind my back. Is he worth all this trouble?...
A. 23 March 2005: I think you know the answer to this one already... No, of course he's not. You're shortchanging yourself by giving him what amounts to free sex. You're getting nothing in return. Not his affection, nor his loyalty. He doesn't appear to be... (read in full...)
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