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*eanie
writes: I'm very close to a friend from work. Over the past few months we have got closer and I know that I love him very much. Problem is, we're both men. Recently he split up with his girl friend and he told me that he did it for me and that he wants us to live together. I know how I feel about him, but I'm not sure whether he feels the same. The signals I get from him say he does for definite, but when I ask him, he just clams up. How do I know if he loves me?
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 May 2005):
 It appears that he might not be comfortable with his attraction to you, even though he does seem to feel it. The uneasiness would probably be why he doesn't want to discuss it.If he's just broken up with a girlfriend (and he did it so that you could be together), then you're dealing with a man who's probably been straight - perhaps all of his life - and he might be uncomfortable admitting that he feels this way about another man. Go really slow and give him a chance to get used to things.If he wants you to live together, then that's the strongest sign that he IS interested... he just might not want to discuss it yet, is all.However, please be **really sure** if you're planning on moving in together, that what he has in mind for your living arrangements are the same as what you're imagining. I can't think of a more unhappy situation for you (or him) than to anticipate living with a guy you want and finding out that he'd pictured two happy bachelors in their bachelor-pad, pulling chicks! Also, just remember that he's fresh from a relationship with a woman and might not be "out" about his feelings. If you do move in together, you might have to pretend to outsiders that you're not smitten with him. At least for a while. As much as you might want to hear that he loves you, please go slow and don't read too much into his actions just yet. Relationships take time to develop. This suggestion is as much for your feelings as for his. He might be confused about how he feels... or he might not feel so strongly about you as you do about him. Give him time.When you talk to him about sharing a house, you'll want to talk about the specifics. I know that's hard when you have romance in your heart, but along with things like how much of the utilities you're going to pay and whether your name is on the lease, you also have to know whether he pictures your having a social life together, or separately.You won't know straightaway how your friendship might develop into something more. The best suggestion I can offer is to take him up on the idea of moving in together, but plan on being roommates. Don't set your sights too high. If more comes of it than you expect, it'll be a delightful surprise.Hope it goes well.
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