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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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His ex-girlfriend rings him, and vice versa. Am I the bad guy for wanting it to stop?
Q. My boyfriend, whom I have been dating for about 8 months, still talks to his ex-girlfriend almost every day. It bothers me because I feel that he is not over her; even though he tells me they are "just friends". She always calls him when she is d...
A. 25 June 2005: No, you're right. His saying he'd stop and then continuing, while trying to hide the fact is WRONG.
He's showing you, at very best, complete discourtesy (this is assuming that they are nothing more than "friends"). At worst, he's sneaking around w... (read in full...)
I've already tried asking this girl if she likes me, but she just sort of ignores it...
Q. Hi I am 13 (male) and I need help with a sort of relationship I am having with this girl that I like. The problem is that she has a boyfriend. She keeps saying that she hates him though and she sounds like she wants to dump him. But then she sudd...
A. 25 June 2005: Hi hon,
Her silence when you asked her if she liked you in a romantic way says a lot, don't you think? It suggests to me that she's not really sure that she thinks of you as a boyfriend at this time.
But don't take this too much to heart. S... (read in full...)
It's time for me to let my married guy go, but he still keeps calling...
Q. I am now aged 24, working,but have been seing this married man for three years,who happens to have looked after me well, both financially and socially. Of late he's always talking about his wife and family, how he needs to get home early. I have dec...
A. 23 June 2005: You've decided well. Congratulations! If only some other women who write in their questions were as smart as you.
Now you only have to be more determined.
Change your phone number. Give it to your parents and your friends and instruct them th... (read in full...)
My folks would be happier if I was in a cage. They won't let me do anything!
Q. My parents are so over protective its unbelievable. They won't let me do the fun things that most teenagers do! What do I do? It is summer now and they get angry if I go out with my mates even in the daytime! I am 16 years old for heavens sake. I ...
A. 23 June 2005: OK, hon, take a deep breath.
It's not just your parents who get angry, is it? Your wrath and rage lances out of your question like a hot rapier through custard. You're frustrated at your folks and you're probably lashing out in anger... and that... (read in full...)
Involved with a married guy who says he sees himself divorced in the next 5 to 10 years...
Q. I'm having a affair with a married man for 2 months now. I'm in love with him, I'm also in a long term relationship but not married. I'm not sure if it will go anywhere. He's unhappy at home and tells me he's only staying there for his child. H...
A. 22 June 2005: You need to listen to the messages you're getting from your unconscious about this guy. The reason you feel so down after you've seen him is that you know, on some level, that he's leading you up the garden path.
"Five to ten years" away from a d... (read in full...)
I just want my girlfriend to admit that the porn on the laptop is hers, but she won't...
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now. We've had our ups and downs just like anyone else, but recently we've been arguing often. Recently, I accessed her laptop and found cookies with evidence of porn and videos. I decided ...
A. 22 June 2005: Am I to presume you innocently borrowed her laptop and settled down to write a letter to your mother when, out of nowhere, the cookie-cache suddenly exploded itself all over your screen?
Let's be truthful... You didn't "access her laptop" and find... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting to my 47-year-old bf having cybersex with 18-year-old girls?
Q. My 47 year old boyfriend (I'm 48) is having cyber sex with 18 year olds. He and I recently just began living together about 6 weeks ago. He says it means nothing to him but could give no plausible answer as to why he's doing it. I told him someone ...
A. 22 June 2005: Ah, I love the creative finger-pointing here... Your boyfriend is acting like a total creep - but YOU'RE overreacting.
Let me be the first cab off the rank to confirm your suspicion that, no, this is not a thing that "all guys do." His having c... (read in full...)
My bf seemed fine with us not having sex, but now he touches me in places I don't want him to!
Q. Hi I'm 15yrs. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about two months. told him that I didn't want sex when he asked me, he seemed very understanding and we spoke no more of it. But since then he has become very touchy feely. He touches place...
A. 22 June 2005: His touching you in places you don't want, when he knows you don't want him to, actually constitutes sexual assault; did you know that?
I'm not suggesting that you have him hauled off to the pokey for having the rampant sex drive of every healthy ... (read in full...)
My fiance's a changed man: he went from dream guy to dope-smoking drinker!
Q. Hello all, this question is for Bev, but of course all others are welcome to comment. Bev, I have been with a man I love for four and a half yrs. We have a child together a precious daughter of 3 yrs. My fiancee and I have argued about 4 hours ...
A. 21 June 2005: I'm really sorry about all that he's putting you though. And, for what it's worth, you're doing exactly the right thing by thinking of your daughter first.
At the risk of sounding pat, your partner sounds clinically depressed to me. Think of all t... (read in full...)
No matter what I do, I think of reasons not to trust him...
Q. I have been with my fiance for a little over a year. I can't seem to trust him no matter what I do. I am always accusing him of something, even though I know it is only in my head. I have had two bad relationships in the past and have a child ...
A. 21 June 2005: The first thing to do is put the wedding plans on hold for a while. Stow the rice, put the tux and gown in mothballs. You two are nowhere near ready to get married, and if you insist on doing it anyway, you'll drive each other to the brink of ... (read in full...)
He's 20 and she's 13, but she's interested. What should she do?
Q. If a 13 year old girl like a 20 year old guy,and he smiles and stares at her,and she to afraid to talk to him, and she loves him, what should she do?...
A. 21 June 2005: What should she do? She should assume that he's a sexual predator, who, for some reason, won't date women his own age and so hangs around young girls instead.
Honey, you are so far out of your depth you can't even *see* the bottom, much less tou... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is losing interest in the sexual "stuff"...
Q. I'm 18 and my girlfriend is almost 17. We've been together over 2 years. We're both still virgins, which to be honest doesn't bother me all that much, but she never wants to 'do stuff' (ie. masturbation etc) anymore. The last time we did stuff wa...
A. 17 June 2005: I can only guess what's going through her mind, but I suspect that she's beginning to feel that the "stuff" is starting to be the only thing that's keeping you around. She may be wondering if you actually care for her, or if it's just the ... (read in full...)
Can I show my boyfriend that I'm worthy of his trust again?
Q. I'm gay and my boyfriend has lost a great deal of trust in me because I have been less than truthful about having porn and other similar things in my house. He also feels that I am hiding things from him and has thoroughly gone through my computer...
A. 17 June 2005: If he really believes that "trust can never be rebuilt" then I'm sorry to say that you might not be able to do anything to change his mind.
However, even if this turns into a heartbreaking case of chalking-it-up-to-experience, it will still do... (read in full...)
I've discovered that my wife is chatting up guys on Messenger!
Q. My wife has been very active in MSN Messenger and lots of horny male always chat her up and even exchange naked pictures .... not long ago I discovered she shows those horny guys how she masturbates thru webcam. what can I do to stop her from doing ...
A. 17 June 2005: The first thought that comes to mind is to speak to her about it and ask why she's doing something that will obviously have repercussions in your relationship. Have you told her that you're aware of her extracurricular activities? What did she say ... (read in full...)
I cheated and now I'm pregnant. Don't know whether the baby is my boyfriend's or my one-night-stand's!
Q. Hi, my name is Rebecca. I have a huge problem that could wreck my life. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and we have been trying for a baby for the past 7 months. I went on holiday about 4 weeks ago and on my last ...
A. 15 June 2005: Re-read Rebecca Batchelor's answer - it's very good and thoughtful.
There isn't any sure-fire way to tell if your baby is going to be dark-skinned or not, simply because you're not dealing only with your genes, your boyfriend's genes and those of... (read in full...)
Everybody else thinks the age difference is a big deal, but we really like each other!
Q. I have a small dilemma... I am a semi popular 15-year old guy in a small school where everybody is preppy. I have a crush on one of my best friend's sister, who is 13 years old. Everyone makes a big deal about the age difference, but we both ...
A. 15 June 2005: You sound like a lovely and thoughtful young man, and those traits are going to have a far greater effect on your budding relationship than your difference in years.
The trick to getting people off your back about this, is to not allow yourself... (read in full...)
We tried to have sex, but it hurt so much I had to ask my boyfriend to stop!
Q. I'm really worried! Me and my boyfriend of 6 months tried to have sex and it hurt so much that I had to tell him to stop! I am a virgin and I wanna know how I can make it any easier because I really am worried that that isn't normal! Help!...
A. 14 June 2005: Short answer: That's pretty normal and it's probably nothing to worry about.
Long answer: Yours is a typical experience for young women having sex for the first time with their young, inexperienced boyfriends.
Quite contrary to every movie a... (read in full...)
My bf's mum and my mum had a fight and that led to my splitting up with my boyfriend!
Q. Please help me. My mum and my boyfriend's mum had a huge fight and we have split up because of it and other things. There are more reasons why me and him split, he would not let me do anything I wanted. I have my prom coming up and he won't le...
A. 14 June 2005: Sarah, listen to your friends. This guy is NOT good to you.
You could work on this relationship all the live-long day and in the end, you'd still be a very young woman saddled with a boyfriend who's a selfish control-freak.
How can your ... (read in full...)
He's stopped being attentive to me and now he leers at other women! Am I overreacting?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend now for a year and we have been living together for most of that time. At first, he was really attentive and never looked at another woman. For the past few months now, though, he blatantly looks at other wo...
A. 13 June 2005: Personally, I could live with this kind of thing. I know that my husband is looking and enjoying, but I also know he's 100% faithful, so I grin and bear it.
However, it sounds like this is a recent development for you and you're not confiden... (read in full...)
Not happy in my marriage and my husband is overseas. Now I want to check out my old friend...
Q. I am married and he is overseas. I recently reconnected with an old guy friend and we have admitted to both having feelings for each other. We want to meet up to see what is there between us! What do I do? I am not really happy in my marriage ...
A. 13 June 2005: If you're not happy in your marriage, you need to decide whether to continue to remain married. You also need to discuss divorce with your husband. Trying out the alternatives before you're at least separated from your husband is what's technically ... (read in full...)
I think he lacks intelligence and I don't know if we have a future... Do I end it?
Q. Dear Cupid, i have been dating my boyfriend for two years now and for the most part it's been a great relationship. Lately, however, I have started noticing how much smarter I am than him. I know that sounds awful but I have always been very goo...
A. 13 June 2005: It's not necessarily a problem if he *is* less intelligent that you - not every couple is perfectly matched - but it is a problem if you *believe* that he's not as bright as you are. And you seem to.
Nothing that you've described suggests that he'... (read in full...)
I can't understand why my g/f would want to hang out with her exes!
Q. I have been in a serious relationship for about 8 months now and I still have a problem with my girlfriends past. Although she was never sexually intimate with anyone besides me to my knowledge, she kissed many boys and more disturbingly is still...
A. 13 June 2005: Hmmm. If you're so confident that she won't cheat on you, what are you worring about?
So, in fact, you ARE worried, right? Let's be honest right now, or you'll never get your question answered. You're worried that by being friends with old boyf... (read in full...)
What's wrong between my fiance and me? We argue all the time!
Q. My fiance and I have been arguing so much lately that it scares me. We argue about the smallest things and when we say we're gonna stop we don't. I really don't know why this is happening so much. I don't wanna lose him I love him so much....
A. 13 June 2005: When two people argue constantly about small things it usually means there are bigger issues in the background that you're avoiding.
What are your bigger issues? What are the things you're actually afraid to discuss? There's something lurking ... (read in full...)
I secretly crave a big, busty woman, but my fiancee has the body of a model!
Q. "My fiance's body doesn't sexually interest me, but i truly love her." Ok, I've got a very interesting question for everyone. I'm 26 years old, and I'm engaged to a woman that I've been with for near 10 years. We're not legally married yet. She...
A. 13 June 2005: Even though you love her, it isn't fair to your girlfriend to marry her, is it? Think of how you'd feel if she married you only because you'd been together for so long, even though she secretly found herself more and more unattracted by your skinny ... (read in full...)
Will it spoil our friendship if I make a move on my friend?
Q. I'm only 16 but I have been best friends with a guy for almost two years now. In the past we have dated off and on about three times. Currently we are just friends, but I think I want more. I don't want to ruin our friendship either, however ...
A. 12 June 2005: If you've dated a few times, and you're friends too, I think that he'd already feel confident in suggesting "something more" off his own bat, if he was actually interested.
Since he hasn't made a move himself, I think you can be fairly sure tha... (read in full...)
My baby's father isn't who I thought it was. Should I let my ex think it's his?
Q. I wrote to you earlier on, about a week ago about my ex-boyfriend who I thought got me pregnant and left me. I did an ultrasound yesterday, and it proves the result that I am indeed pregnant from a friend that I got drunk with one night after I had ...
A. 12 June 2005: I couldn't agree more with the person responding below. I only add my two cents so that his/hers isn't a lone voice.
You can't possibly be seriously considering "punishing" your ex by using the existance of an innocent child - a child who has only... (read in full...)
Something happens when we're in the bedroom... he loses his erection.
Q. My guy says he loves me and does show it at times. We're both affectionate and have fun together but in the bedroom just before we have sex, his erection goes away. Why?...
A. 12 June 2005: You might try having sex with him in a more spontaneous moment or place. It could be that Going Into The Bedroom is causing a tension that's killing off his erection, so give some thought to sex on the lounge, over the kitchen table, in the hallway ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant by my friend's cousin and I'm not sure what to do now!
Q. I am having a sex with my friend's cousin. She does not know, but I have just found out I am pregnant by him. My friend knows that I'm pregnant but not by who. I don't know what to do. If I tell him he will want to keep the baby, which means my...
A. 12 June 2005: Listen carefully: What you need to do is what's best for you. NOT what's best for your friend. NOT what's best for your friend's cousin. Think about what you want. Then do that.
This pregnancy seems to have been unplanned and unwanted, so you need... (read in full...)
The boss gives me a cuddle before he goes home to his wife...
Q. I've got this problem with my boss. I think he fancies me cos of the way he is with me. He keeps touching me and cuddling me and always comes to see me before he goes home to his wife. I quite like this. It's very flattering and sweet and now I'm ...
A. 11 June 2005: Whether or not he fancies you is a matter of perspective. He'd probably like to have sex with you too... before he goes home to his wife.
Uh, hello? Did you notice he has a WIFE in that sentence? Regardless of whatever feelings you might be devel... (read in full...)
Can I trust him not to betray me again by masturbating to porn?
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend looked at porn and masturbated. He said he wanted to stop for me because every time he did it he felt like he was betraying me. This has me so worried because if he felt like he was betraying me and couldnt ...
A. 10 June 2005: Hon, a LOT of guys look at porn and masturbate to it. I might even go out on a limb and say a HUGE MAJORITY of men have done that.
You have nothing to fear from that. It's not a "betrayal" of your love. (What did you think porn was for?) Sexual r... (read in full...)
My g/f has been seeing my best mate, but I only hate him. Why?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'd been dating a fantastic girl for over a year when she dumped me last week. Things have been difficult for a few months as I had a new job and she was in the run-up to her final exams at university. Yesterday I discovered she's...
A. 10 June 2005: It's curious that you describe this girl as "fantastic" in the first line of your question, considering how badly she treated you. She wasn't really very fantastic, was she?
Give the revenge a miss; it won't actually make you feel better a... (read in full...)
He lives 6 hours away and I don't know if it's worth trying to have a relationship with him...
Q. I met this guy on the internet about 3 weeks ago. aAter about 2 and a half weeks I went to the town he lived in and we set up a time to meet. After we met it seemed like I liked him and he liked me. But when I got home he said "are you going to get ...
A. 10 June 2005: Stephanie,
If you're still in school, you're way too young to be traipsing off to towns that are six hours away, to meet strange men. Come to think of it, I'm 43 and I'm too young to do that!
I would have to counsel you to STAY AWAY from guys l... (read in full...)
My fiancee isn't a virgin and I am. I don't want it to be a disappointment for her...
Q. I have a slight kinda issue. I am a virgin and will be getting married and losing my virginity to a girl who's not a virgin. I feel like it'll be awkward for me a lot more than for her. She hasn't had sex in years now, but I still feel I'll be ...
A. 10 June 2005: Don't worry too much. Your fiancee must love you (she IS planning on marrying you, right?), so she'll understand. Besides, even those of us who aren't exactly virginal can remember what our first time was like. Your fiancee will, too, and she'll ... (read in full...)
My b/f can be lovely and caring, but if something goes wrong between us, it's always my fault...
Q. Can Bev or someone help me with this? I am a strong-minded woman, I am intelligent and I stand up for what I believe in. I suffer from a mental health problem (but not psychosis) which I am trying to overcome but it has knocked my confiden...
A. 9 June 2005: Hi hon, The best thing about your letter is that you're complaining about him! You recognise that this isn't the right way to behave in a relationship and even if you're unsure of what to do because of your history of bad relationships, t... (read in full...)
I want us to get married in the next year, but her career seems to be more important!
Q. hello, I am a 25 yr old guy in love with a 21 yr old girl. We have been together dating each other from past 2 yrs now, initially she was my french teacher, being so young I was thoroughly impressed by her intelligence and smartness, it at...
A. 9 June 2005: I see this from a different angle to you. What I see is a financially-independant man demanding that a very young, talented woman give up her life's work and dreams so she can shackle herself to him before she's ready to, and become his baby-... (read in full...)
I keep snapping at my boyfriend for stupid reasons...
Q. I have just gotten out of high school and now I am feeling left behind and depressed. My boyfriend is a sophomore and ever since November I have been getting mad at him for stupid reasons. Now, it happens every time I am with him. I wish I knew how...
A. 9 June 2005: Now that you're out of school... as you're discovering.... the real work begins, and you're understandably anxious about what you do next. This is a nerve-wracking time for most graduates, as they decide what the next big step in their lives is ... (read in full...)
I feel like the teller at the bank was coming on to me. Did I imagine it?
Q. I go to a bank every two weeks to cash my check. There is a teller that works there different times. I have been to her window but this third time was different. I was standing in line getting ready to go toward her window when I noticed that she ...
A. 9 June 2005: Yes, I think you imagined it. Nothing in your description suggests anything sexual to my (female) mind, only that she was being pleasant and friendly to a customer. She adjusted her hair, she folded her hands and she asked if there was any further ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love, and I have no idea how she feels about me!
Q. I have fallen in love completely with the girl I believe I want to spend the rest of my life with. We are constantly texting each other, or talking on the phone or online. I know how I feel about her and I know I could never hurt her, but she has ...
A. 9 June 2005: Whoa, Romeo! Settle, big fella... Firstly, you need to ditch all the romantical hoo-hah. You CAN live without her (what did you think you were doing before she came along?). The world WILL continue turning etc. You're not writing this to convince... (read in full...)
Suddenly, he tells me "we've gotten boring". Is it just because he's tired?
Q. I'm having problems with my boyfriend. He claims he doesn't want to hurt me but has openly said that we've gotten 'boring'. He says I don't talk enough but I try to. He just doesn't seem interested. I ask him questions relating to topics that I ...
A. 9 June 2005: Start by ensuring that he gets enough time to rest. If he's working the night shift, he's going to need 7-8 hours of good sleep in the morning or the afternoon, so do what you can to make sure he gets it. If you're in the house during that peri... (read in full...)
Almost 16. No boyfriend. My folks keep an eagle-eye on me!
Q. Help I am nearly 16 and I haven't had a boyfriend and it's really depressing me. I never get to meet anyone during the holidays because my parents take me to France every holiday and then make sure I am in their sight the whole time. Please help. I ...
A. 8 June 2005: I know I write this advice a lot to young girls in your situation, but I'll say it again, especially for you: your folks are just trying to protect you from predatory men who may only want to use you for sex and then leave you. They're not selfish ... (read in full...)
He seems to think of me all the time, so why has he got a new girlfriend?
Q. I've been in love with the same man for 7 years. We've been on and off. He has a girlfriend now but he still have feelings for me, and he's very honest about what he feels. To me he seems confused. I love him and I want to be with him but I don't ...
A. 8 June 2005: This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but I don't think he feels about you the way you wish he did. Think about it. He's just got a new girlfriend, you write. So before that, he was available, wasn't he? Why didn't he hook up with you then... (read in full...)
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