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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for about a year now. He works away a lot and when he asked me to join him for a week I jumped at the chance. While he was out working I was left in his hotel room and I came across some porn mags. I was really upset about this and when I asked him why he has them he said he looks at them to pass the time sometimes.I know he really loves me and I love him,do you think I should worry about this?
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (25 May 2005):
You are being selfish. If he is a healthy male, an interest sex is still a strong urge and that is a good thing. If he was chasing other women it would be a different story but one does not automatically lead to the other, and he isn't trying to hide anything from you. If you are intimidated by a picture in a magazine you need to take a good look at why? As long as he doesn't expect to find that look in his bed, he's good.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (2 May 2005):
 I don't believe you should worry simply because your partner works away a lot. I also don't think him glancing at porn mags is a threat to you or your relationship. However, I don't think its 100% normal for men to look at porn. If a man is in an exciting and passionate relationship with a woman, he shouldn't have the need for porn. Okay, so he may glance at other women, he may see erotic images occasionally on telly and enjoy this as men are indeed visually stimulated but to actually spend time looking at porn on the net or in books when he has a woman waiting for him upstairs, is not 100% normal. If porn is being used as a substitute for a healthy relationship, then it can not be considered as normal.Men do need an outlet or a release in the same way that women may use vibrators but this only becomes an issue when either sex are getting more pleasure from their stimulants than their partners. Porn seems to cause a lot of heartache for many women and I think it is time they stood up and said, hey, how would you like it if I did the same? If you both look at porn and enjoy it, thats fine but I believe it is niave to always assume that a man who looks at porn doesn't lust after the fantasy image. If a man who was single had the choice in spending the night and perhaps developing a relationship with a timid girl who had a lovely personality but wasn't very attractive compared to a busty woman who was representative of a woman from a porn magazine, I think we know which one he would be likely to go for. Not in all cases but in many.I think your man is passing the time of day because you are apart. You have nothing to be concerned about. If he continued to indulge in porn while with you, however, I think would be a different story.And in terms of the irresistable aroma of coffee being compared to a man's attraction to porn, I doubt very much that it would elicit anywhere near the same response! And wouldn't cause anywhere near the same problems. However, if the smell of coffee turns anyone on when they are in bed with their partner, go for it! At least its not hurting anyone!Don't worry. Continue with your good relationship with your partner and have fun.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 May 2005):
 The short answer is, No. Don't worry. It's really, truly 100% normal for men to look at porn. It's not a weird fetish and there's almost zero chance that he's gazing at the women in the mags and imagining a warm, fuzzy future with any of them.Try to be a little accommodating of him, especially if that's the only fly in the ointment. If he's otherwise a wonderful guy, then do both of you a favour and let him indulge himself in a little ogling. It doesn't mean that he's comparing you to any of those photos and he isn't in love with any of the models, either. It's just a case of men being designed to enjoy visual stimulation. I personally compare my husband's attraction to erotic images as a parallel to my attraction to the smell of coffee: irresistable. That's just how the male brain works and there really isn't any threat to you or to your relationship, so - if everything else in your lives is pretty good - I say let him enjoy it.Hope this puts your mind at ease.
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