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anonymous
writes: I slept with a boy because I really liked him. Afterwards he told me not to tell anyone. I thought this was strange. I thought he was embarrassed of me. I told a few of my closest friends to see what they thought. He found out somehow - he told me one of his friends told him. Now he is saying that I have ruined his life. I feel betrayed and confused. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, kirstie +, writes (6 May 2005):
He has used you, the idiot. Uou shouldn't have had sex unless you love someone and been with them for ages. You have just blown your virginity to someone that dosn't care about you.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 May 2005):
 Did he tell you why you were sworn to secrecy? If he was so ashamed of people knowing that the two of you had sex, why did he even involve you?There's no reason I can think of that he should have insisted that you keep it to yourself, unless you're underage and he's over 18, or he was doing something illegal or immoral. Even at that, if that were the case, the culpability is his, not yours. As I said, if he was embarrassed or ashamed, he shouldn't have used you.Although, on the other side of the coin, if you agreed that you wouldn't tell, you were wrong to tell even "a few close friends". "Tell nobody" means you tell nobody, so if you lied about not mentioning it, then you betrayed his confidence, regardless that it was a bizarre thing to ask of you.I fail to see how you "ruined" his life. Seems more like he did something he's not proud of and was found out. That's his problem. He chose to have sex with you, didn't he? He could equally have decided not to. Seems to me that there are a few lessons you could pick up from this. First, you don't have sex with someone simply because you "really like" them. Especially if that person puts weird conditions on that sex. That aspect of your question is really suspicious to me. Save having sex for a relationship with someone who loves and respects you and wants to make you happy.Second lesson: Each of you is responsible for half of the confusion here. He shouldn't have used you for sex that he appears not to be proud of. And you shouldn't have agreed to keep it a secret if you weren't prepared to.Third lesson: Your friends are lousy at keeping secrets.As to what you should do, make it a priority to erase this guy from your social circle. His motives are suspicious and you don't need people like him dragging you down. Ignore him, stay away from him, DON'T sleep with him again, and the hoo-hah will die down in time.
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