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writes: hello!I am a 17 year old female andI have started dating a 34 year old. Everyone is against us but I love him. My family are making me choose between them and him but they have never been there for me when I needed them and we don't get on at all. They judge everything that I do and nothing I do is good enough for them. He on the other hand treats me with love and respect and wants me to be with him, but I feel torn. What canI do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 I dont know what the current situation is now. You are as old as me, so you are grown up and not a child anymore.
What has happeneD?
If you are treated with RESPECT, love, and compassion, just like you would treat him, then I would say go for it.
For anyone reading this and you are in this situation currently, think carefully. Do not go by him being attractive, rich, or anything like that.
Does he genuinely treat you well and with respect? Does he advocate you finishing school and going to college?
If so, be his friend and when you are on your own, go be with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): Hello,
So, you and I are in similar situations. But you're lucky in one sense. You've got yours. I am 18 interested in a man who is 35. I love him more than anything so I will be devastated if he doesn't even give me a chance so I don't know exactly how my parents will react. Its sounds as though your family sounds as supportive as they should be. I think that you and your bf should sit down with your family and talk. Let them get to know him because, if he's just a 34 year old guy with a 17 year old girlfriend, of course that is going to sound sketchy at first and if you hide it it is like you are admitting that there is something wrong with it when there isn't. If you two are having sex now, it would be my opinion to stop for a while. See if the relationship can last without the sex and if it can then that means that your relationship is based on more than just lust. If you're not having sex than obviously it already is lasting and based on more than lust. Losing touch with your family should never be an option though. Family is important and even if they seem like they are never supportive, they will come around eventually. But giving up everything for one person may be a mistake. Moving out when you're 18 and leaving your family behind like others have commented is not for everyone. No matter what happens you should not be completely dependent on him because even when you're 18 and legally an adult, it does not mean that you can support yourself and depending completely on a bf could end up very badly if you break up and have no connection with your family. It didn't sound as though he was pressuring you to leave your family, but quite the contrary - your family making you choose. Well, see how it goes. I mean, I think you can probably see where your family is coming from. And of course you must have thought about the consequences before getting into a relationship with him and of course you really care about him and believe that he cares for you too. I wouldn't give him up, however I wouldn't give up your family either. You just need to find the balance between the two.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Hey, dont be too discouraged I am in a similar predicament
I am 19 years old and I am dating a man that is 49. To say the least I am completely happy and totally in love with him. He is kind and considerate. He is my best friend and my lover. And guess what we are celebrating a two year anniversary this November. The thing about dating a guy that is older than you is that you have find the medium in both your lives. Realize that you are still young and you are going to have countless opportunities ahead of you. Your parents are just worried that this person might take advantage of you. You have to realize that they are concerned about you and your happiness. I am not telling you who to choose, True Love is in fact very hard to find, but........................ you need your family! More than ever in this time of your life!
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female
reader, Mrs Steadman  +, writes (24 August 2008):
 I was in the same situation as you are 3 years ago, I was 17 and my partner was 34. I hid our relationship from my parents for 12 months and at first I was so embarassed what people thought when they saw us together we walked apart up the town centre! 3 years Later we are married and live together and my parents adore him. I think as teenagers we always think the worst when it comes to parents but as soon as you turn 18 you will earn much more respect and frankly it no longer matters what people think as we are now adults. Do not take notice of any nasty comments you hear, maybe they are just jealous of true love and have nothing better to do?? As long as you get on with each other and are happy what does it matter what people think???? AGE IS JUST A NUMBER SO IGNORE THE NAIVE REMARKS THEY CAN EMAIL ME![email address blocked]
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I had the same problem as you did when I was 14 but I had fallen for a man that is 28 years old. That man is my father's best friend. I didnt know if had has feelings for me. My parents knew about this and they disapproved. Later my dad decided not to let me see him. But then after 6 years I saw him at the bar drinking with a couple of his friends. I asked him if he would like to go out sometime he agreed. Months passed and then I decided to tell my family about him again. But this time they approved of my love for him because I was more mature. My main point is give it time. Everything in its time is beutiful. Your parents (family) might not approve of something now but they later will.
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female
reader, LauzzC +, writes (4 June 2008):
If your family really cared about you they wouldnt make you choose they would be happy because you are happy obviously they are worried because of the age gap. Im 15 and im seeing a 28 year old man, but i love him, i havent told my parents yet, you have to do what your heart tells you. Your parents do love you but they just dont show it. If you really do love him and he loves you and you trust each other then you shouldnt worry about what your parents think or anybody else for that matter.
Well i hope this has helped :)
Laura x x x x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): i think you should leave your family and go with your man... and the reason is no love is controlable..and you dont exacly need your family with you as you are old enough to look after your self, plus your man treats you better so that give you a big reason to go with him... on the other hand what if you and your man break up who are you going to turn to will you need your family then or would you still do well without.. think about that and that will give you the right answer to your question.
good luck xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): I'm 15 and was with a 47 year old man. I loved him with everything in my heart, but we had sex and now he's in prison. I still love him. If you love the 34 year old tell him to wait a year for you two to be together otherwise people will get the wrong idea and he'll go to prison too, which is pretty damn screwy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I'm not quite sure about this. But I think anyone above 16 should make their own sexual choices. If you really love this man, and he loves you back, I don't think you should give him up. You should be prepared to face problems though: your family, the law, and any conflicts that could be caused by your ages (kids, marriage, house, work, education).
However, if you are both willing to overcome this, and find each other worth it, I think you should stick together. Tell your parents that you are indeed very young, and that you understand that they worry for you, but try to introduce him to them and talk; they'll see that he's an honest man who is worthy of their daughter.
I don't know about the statutory rape laws in your country/state, but if you are under your local age of consent, try refraining from sex until you turn 18. Otherwise your partner (boyfriend doesn't sound like the right word to use) could get into serious trouble. USA Statutory rape laws are the REAL rapists in consensual relationships, but it's a cold system that doesn't care wether you're in love or not.
I hope your love will prevail above all, as it always should! Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): Wow...
You're 17 and he's 34. Listen to me now before he puts you in the intensive care unit... any man in his mid- 30's who is dating a girl who hasn't even graduated high school yet, is bad news. He's desperate if he is seeking girls old enough to be his daughter. I know, because I am still a teenager myself, that it is very hard to be lonely at this age. I'm single because I left my abusive boyfriend... this man is not good for you. What are your hopes and dreams for your future? If you stay with him these dreams of yours will not come true. Right now it feels like he's holding you on his shoulders, but soon you'll begin to see signs of abuse, verbal and physical. He's a creep to be dating you when you're half his age. You're still just a kid. You're a child, he wants to have sex with a child...
Please make me and everyone else here happy and leave him. Any man who will allow a young girl to turn her back on her family obviously does not care for her. He doesn't care about you, he just wants you for sex. When he's finished with you and moved onto the next 15 or 16 year old, where will you be? With a broken arm? a child? an STD? Dead?
Think...
This is your life, save yourself!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): A 45 year old man with a 15 year old girl is insane. That is statutory rape.
Most of the woman who go for older men did not have a father figure, and are seeking out one.
Sad.
We need our fathers in our lives.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): What the heck were you thinking 15 years old involved with a 45 year old man?
"But, he loves meeee!!!" BS. I call that statutory rape.
Daddy problem that much? Isn't that guy supposed to be in prison?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): i can understand im 15 and im deeply in love with a 21 year .....my parents are soo againt it they try everything they can to keep us apart but they never can..i say if u really love this guy you follow your heart and dont let any one out you guys down
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): I understand what you are feeling but your parents did raise you for the last 17 years and do love you. As far as the 34 year old goes. From what you have said about him, I think you should run and run NOW. If he really cared about you he would not be trying to split you from your family. I would bet if you haven't seen these traits yet you will that ultimately he is manipulative, splitting with your and friends or family, is using you for sex, most of all but very important, unable to attract a woman his own age. I know at 17 it is hard, I dated someone 8 years older then me and that was too old. Ultimately at this age you should be having fun and not worrying about this kind of serious stuff and go to college. I can guarantee you in the end it is your family who is ALWAYS there for you. I would let him go, you should run the other way!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): Im 20 and I went though the same thing. Follow your heart I did an im still with my partner, I was 17 an he was 36. We have been together for neally 4 years I would not change my choice for anythink because I love him and he and our little girl are all I need. If your family really love you they will expect him if they dont them thats up to them. They may only be watching out for you but the need to let you make you own choices an mistakes.At the end of the day its your choice. If you love him stay with him but you may lose your family. Good look
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2007): If this man cares about you and he's true in his feelings and you are true in your feelings then you belong together. You should'nt care what anyone says about it. Love is hard to find and if you find it in a man twice ur age then take it and hold on to it as long as you can.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2006): hello, I am in a similar situation, feeling torn between someone I love and my family, whom I also love. I find it hard to cut either party out though... right now, I am just keeping them separate, adn have not brought him over ot meet the family since them met him the first time. I dont think it is fair for you to have to give spending time/ dating someone you really care about. however, I do not think it is wise to cut your family out either. it is best just to keep them apart, and hopefully your family will warm up to the idea of you dating him, and eventually they may see how happy he makes you.hope this helps :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2006): I am 26 years old and i am seeing a 50 yr old man whom i absolutely adore. We just connected and have the best time together. My family is not happy about it either but i hope they will come around. I never thought i would fall for someone twice my age, but i guess you really can't help who you fall in love with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): Understandably, you would like to please everyone. Family isnt something you choose unlike ur bf. Ur fams got issues with you and wont be happy at u anywaz. Wait one year (18) and become independent (he can help u but not support u 100%) prove ur family wrong that u can live ur own life well. As for love... chances are u two wont last.... have good times, be SAFE, set personal goal and achieve them....PS I will always love my twice older man! AND HE LOVES ME TO THIS DAY... We havent been in a relationship for 3years and he still is a positive rolemodel in my life as well carrying friend who does things for my best interest.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2005): im in exactly the same position as you, im 15 and im seeing a 25 yr old. Everyone says hes just with me because im younger than him, but its not that everyone seems to think its all about sex but as a matter of fact he hasnt asked once. If i was you i'd follow my heart and eventually once your parents see that you are happy and you are really serious about each other they will come round as it will break their hearts to lose contact with you. Don't alienate your parents though because if something does go wrong they will be the ones who are there to pick up the pieces and support you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2005): im in the exact same situation as you .. im 15 with someone whose 32, but we both agreed nothing at all (besides like holding hands)will happen until im 18 .. i love him to death, and he feels the same way, but we both know our limits .. if you really love him, your family will understand .. im just trying to figure out a way to tell my family when im 18 .. its not gonna be easy with the way my mother is ..
your family will et over it, trust me .. my ex boyfreind is 25, and m,y dad actually understood .. just follow your heart .. youll make the right decision in the end ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2005): I am with a 23 year old man and I am 42.We are crazy about each other. His family did the same thing yours did,and you know how he handled it? He told them that what matters is that we are happy, numbers on pieces of paper (birth certificates) are irrelevant when it comes to matters of the heart. You can't control who you fall in love with. Do you love and respect each other? Do you bring out the best in one another? These are the things that matter. Any relationship takes work,regardless of how old you are...live and be happy. Those who truly love you unconditionally will understand and those that don't, well you're probably better off with out them in your life. People like that always find something or someone to judge, if not your relationship with this person it will be something else later.
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (24 May 2005):
Do not lose the family. Even if they are not perfect, do NOT lose them. The 34 year old that is wanting the 17 year old is a bit too obvious. Sometimes that works, but VERY RARELY. It is all too often that this kind of age gap gets someone used and/or abused. Walk VERY carefully through this relationship and look out for yourself.
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reader, sxymamicuta +, writes (28 April 2005):
Wow. I'm in the same situation. My boyfriend and I are about 15 years apart and we've been dating for two years, living together, and my parents don't agree with it. If your parents don't want to see your point, then wait until you're 18 and move out. That's what I did.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 April 2005):
 I'm not against age differences; I'm really not. I was involved with a 45-year-old when I was 15. It lasted for years, so I know whereof I speak.I do, however, wonder what a 34-year-old has in common with you, to make your relationship worthwhile to you both. Sure, the sex is great; that goes without saying. He gets a young, attractive, nubile partner; you get an experienced, careful, older lover. But what about other times? What hobbies and interests do you share? Where do you go together? What do you talk about? What life-philosphies do you both have? What do you both want for the future?I'm not necessarily saying that your family are right. There are any number of couples out there who are 15-20 years apart and I'm sure they're completely daffy about each other. But when a man is double the age of his girlfriend, then there's a power imbalance in the relationship. He has more money, he has more possessions, he has more life-experience, he's had more sexual partners, he has more influence in the adult world... In other words, he could be attracted to you now, because you're young and innocent and a bit naive. When you grow up in a year or three, you won't be those things, so what's left? Just you and your nearly-40 boyfriend, with you dreaming of having kids and him looking forward to retirement. What often happens is that the older partner tries to suppress the younger one, treating her like a child so he can maintain his status. The previous person has a good point. If you're really in love with each ther, then your relationship won't suffer by waiting until you reach 18. Or 19. Or 25. If you don't see that, it's just proof that you're not thinking about the long-term.My suggestion is that you take some time to go out with guys nearer your own age, young men who have the same outlook on life/taste in music/fashion sense/party stamina(!) as you. See what that's like, then, if you feel it's still Love, go back to your 30-something.Hope that this is some help.
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reader, doomed_in_mb +, writes (27 April 2005):
It's really tough for a 17 year old girl to lose her parents so you have a really rough time ahead of you. If your boyfriend loves you as much as you say he does, how about suggesting that you two just stay friends until you are an adult? Or how about telling your parents that if they really loved you they wouldn't make you choose? All I can really say to you is that you should think about this before making an irrational decision because this is serious stuff!!!
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