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... Send *ev Conolly a private message | | | *ev Conolly's profile:I'm female, 44 and raised in the western US. I was married first at age 17, which I realised soon after was a rather large mistake! We divorced seven years later, then I travelled around the world, settling in Australia. I met my husband here and we've been together for 18 years, married for 14. I feel much more Australian than I ever felt American.
I wish I knew a lot more about everything than I do, but at least I have a lot of experience at making poor choices in life and correcting them later. That's why I like to provide advice when it's asked for.
As to my pictorial representation... I play the bagpipes. Badly, to be sure, but the best thing about the pipes is, almost no one can tell you don't have any skill!
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Can I ease the transition of my foreign-born wife and step-daughter?
Q. I am about to wed to a woman from another country,she has a daughter nearly 16 yrs old now,my question is how can i make things easier for all concerned,when they come over here to stay help them settle especially the daughter who will still be ...
A. 24 February 2005: Hi there, You don't say from what country your wife and step-daughter are coming, but there's a good chance that your local Council will have some programs to assist migrants in settling into the community. Speaking as a migrant myself, ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend act like a spoiled child?
Q. when me and my boyfriend even have the smallest of rows he gets really angry and tells me he wants to leave and he hates me. but when we have made friends he says he didnt mean it. what should i do?...
A. 24 February 2005: Hi there, Your boyfriend sounds spoiled and manipulative. If you're smart, you'll let him leave and "hate you" from a distance. I doubt things will improve until he grows up a bit (I'd wager that he's either an only child or the youngest in hi... (read in full...)
Orgies? Other men with her? Other girls with me??
Q. I need to know if it is weird to think about your girlfriend with other guys. And to also know, if orgies are a good idea and what does it mean if i want my girlfriend to have sexual relations with other men ?...
A. 24 February 2005: Wanting to watch your gf have sex with another man definitely isn't weird, it isn't even all that uncommon. It suggests that you find her attractive and that you're excited by the idea that other men will confirm your opinion of her desirability. ... (read in full...)
When I came back, I thought things would be different, but they're just as bad now.
Q. How do I know if I made the right desision? I have been in a 7 yr relationship. We both had a child each when we met and have since had 2 together. I recently left him for almost 3 months, taking my belongings and all that I owned, along with the 3 ...
A. 24 February 2005: Hi dear, When you came back, what was it that made you believe that things would be different? Did your partner make a promise that the situation would change? Or did you come back after three months just *hoping* for a change? What strikes me... (read in full...)
I fancy her, but how do I ask her out?
Q. There is a girl that is a friend of mine but I am beginning to fancy her. I am scared to ask her out.What should I do?...
A. 22 February 2005: Don't be scared! She's a friend, isn't she? She won't bite off your head. If she would, then you certainly wouldn't be attracted to her, would you? If you want to ask her out to a specific event, phrase it as if you're going by yourself anyway,... (read in full...)
Suddenly, my boyfriend is bi...
Q. My boyfriend of 2 yrs told me he was bi-curious, and now a month later he up and decided in one day he wishes to be "Just Friends for a week but not get involved with anyone else than re-evaluate the relationship" because we argue too much. He ...
A. 22 February 2005: Sounds like your boyfriend is Coming Out. A number of gay male friends of mine don't believe that "bi" really exists as a constant state. They say that it's just a stage closeted men go through before they admit to themselves that they're actually... (read in full...)
I've never even thought of an affair, but that doesn't stop his accusations
Q. I've been with my partner for nearly 7 years, and even though I've never thought of another bloke he's always accusing me of having an affair. Even though I spend all day in house with kids. What can I do? Please, I'm getting to the end of my ...
A. 22 February 2005: I'm so sorry that he's treating you this way, especially when you haven't done anything that deserves it. Has something changed about him recently, or has he always been this way? If he's always been loving and kind and has suddenly change... (read in full...)
She says that "things are going too fast"...
Q. i have been going out with this girl since valentine's day, and we have been really happy, and before we went out, we were the best of friends, and we were extremely close. But she has said things are going too fast for her, which i completely ...
A. 22 February 2005: You need to take her cues as a gauge of whether you're moving too fast for her comfort. Let her take the initiative for a little while, just until you both understand what she needs. By that I mean, don't be too demonstrative with your affections ... (read in full...)
What can I do to improve my girlfriend's enjoyment?
Q. I am a 17 Male. Me and my fiancee have been together for 2.5 years. And all the times we have had sex, I have never given her an orgasm. And I was just wondering if anyone new why?...
A. 22 February 2005: This is one of those questions that are best asked of your girlfriend...! It's a curious irony that two people can be intimate enough to have sex with each other, but not intimate enough to talk about it, when it's not quite right. But under... (read in full...)
I have a foot fetish. Will women think I'm weird?
Q. I need some input on a certain concern I have. Ever since I can remember I've had a huge fetish for female bare feet! I'm too scared to mention my fetish to women because I'm worried they will find it very weird and I'll scare them off! I'm not ...
A. 18 February 2005: Hi, I doubt too many women would be put off by this. Foot fetishism is really pretty common as obsessions go (though that doesn't mean that I personally understand it!). There are a large number of much stranger sexual fetishes out there. If... (read in full...)
How can I help him overcome his shyness?
Q. My boyfriend is really shy and I dont like that but I dont know what to do. What can I do? Please get back to me a.s.a.p lots of love gothic gal...
A. 18 February 2005: Hi Gothic Gal, This advice might sound odd, but I hope you give it a chance to grow on you: the first thing you have to do about his shyness is get used to it. The fact is, you like your boyfriend, and his shyness is part of the package. ... (read in full...)
Do I show Mr Lightfingers the door?
Q. My boyfriend lies about money constantly - he empties my purse constantly and denies it. He has taken money from my son's wallets. We have to hide all cards and cash. If I kick him out, my children will be distraught. When confronted, he immediat...
A. 18 February 2005: Hi there, So, let me get this straight: He steals from you. He steals from your boys. He lies about the stealing, then becomes verbally abusive if you point it out. He has a long history of theft. You don't trust him. You don't love him. ... (read in full...)
We've broken up, but he won't move his stuff out!
Q. How can i get my ex in boyfriend to leave me alone? The relationship has been over for a long time, but he just keeps coming back to my home. He still has a key and seems to think that he can come and shower and leave his dirty clothes and sleep ...
A. 17 February 2005: Hi there, There's a tired old cliche that goes: "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." He keeps coming back because you keep letting him. Why has he got a key to your place? It's a terrible security risk, for a sta... (read in full...)
He might be seeing someone else, but then, so might I...
Q. HELP!! I'm currently in a relationship and have been for two years. But I have my suspicions that he is cheating on me. He recently said to me he needs his own space and doesn't want to see me as much! But to be honest I'm not that bothered ...
A. 17 February 2005: It sounds like you and your current partner are with each other only because there's nothing else on the horizon for either of you. Why not just stop pretending, end it and move on? Neither of you is doing the other any favours by staying in th... (read in full...)
He dumped me twice... is he trying to make me jealous?
Q. well...I am 16 years old and went out for 9 months with a lad called Ryan, who is also 16. We lost our virginity to each other and we both felt that we loved each other. In december 04, he broke up with me as I had kissed someone else 3 months i...
A. 17 February 2005: You need to mentally step away from this situation, and re-read your letter as if it was written by someone you don't know. I'll summarise it, and call the writer of your letter "Miss X". "Miss X and Ryan went out for nine months and had their fi... (read in full...)
His hint about moving in with me is making me think twice...
Q. I have been having a relationship with a guy for the past 6 months and we get on really well - better than I've ever got on with someone before. We met through an introduction agency and are both looking for a long term committed relationship. ...
A. 17 February 2005: Six months after meeting someone isn't really a very long time. I'm not that surprised that you felt a little nervous that he brought this up. There's probably quite a lot that you don't yet know about this guy - how often he changes his sock... (read in full...)
Is his possessiveness the problem, or am I blinkered about his needs?
Q. My boyfriend goes through phases where he is convinced that I am sleeping with someone else. These paranoid episodes are usually triggered when I engage in a social activity that does not include him; for example if I go visit a girlfriend for a ...
A. 16 February 2005: Hi, Forgive me for being blunt, but you need to get away from this man fast. He is showing all the hallmarks of a potential abuser! The possessiveness, the jealous rages, the claim that he loves you "madly" while whittling away your self-e... (read in full...)
I want to do it right. Advice?
Q. Can you explain to me how to make love and perform oral sex as my boyfriend expects me to do it and I want to have a go?...
A. 14 February 2005: Hi there, Maybe it's just me reading too much into your letter, or possibly English isn't your first language but I'd be a bit leery of anyone who "expects" you to "perform" oral sex. Sex is something you do because you want to, because it'... (read in full...)
I want to talk to him, but don't know how to get started!
Q. I have known this boy all my life. He is 19 and I am 17. He is my parents' friends' son and he was more friends with my brother (who I don't talk to anymore) than me. I hadn't seen him in 3 years and then I saw him working in a shop. I really f...
A. 14 February 2005: Because you're attracted to him and overwhelmed by the butterflies, you may be making more of this than you really need to. Talking to him is the same as talking to any other person. Start with "Hi! You're Jared, aren't you? Remember me? I'm... (read in full...)
On the pill. Could I still be pregnant?
Q. I am currently taking the pill and on my last week on it this month I was bleeding, when I came off it I did not come on my period and my boobs have started to get bigger which is something that only happens when I am on the pill, as soon as I come ...
A. 14 February 2005: Get a pregnancy test as soon as you can. If you've been sexually active in the last month or two, you should be tested, just in case. A home kit is pretty reliable, but you really should get to a doc or a gyno and explain to him or her about the... (read in full...)
I want to get married, but he keeps putting me off...
Q. i have been with my partner for three years now for the first year our relationship had its up and downs. things are really good between us aaand we are even looking at buying a house together but i have asked and hinted about getting engaged adn ...
A. 14 February 2005: Hi there, I can't tell you why he won't commit to you. That's something only he can tell you. You might try asking him, though from your brief description, it doesn't sound like he enjoys discussing his feelings and thoughts very much. You may no... (read in full...)
He says he's going to drop his gf, but do I trust him..?
Q. I recently met the man of my dreams, perfect in every way, who adores me completely. The only problem? My boyfriend has a girlfriend! The girlfriend is at University and when we first hooked up he told me the relationship was over but, as he hadn't ...
A. 13 February 2005: Hi, If you re-read your own letter, you'll see that your own feelings for this man are all over the map. He starts out as "perfect", then you admit that he has a girlfriend he won't break up with, he's seen her four times and hasn't indicated... (read in full...)
We broke up & she dragged my professional reputation through the mud. So why do I still care?
Q. A girl from work and I were in a relationship for 6 months. For a time, we thought we were in love. For various reasons, however, we agreed about 3 weeks ago to stop seeing one another. In practice, that has not been difficult, as we work for a ...
A. 13 February 2005: How could she? Because she's self-indulgent and narcissistic and wanted to punish you for breaking up with her. This doesn't have much to do with her loving you. It's more related to her insecurity. She might have, in fact, loved you a great deal... (read in full...)
The boy I fancy has a girlfriend, but he still flirts with me!
Q. Dear Cupid, There is this guy at my school and we have flirted in the past and we still are but he has a girlfriend.We still call each other and text each other. When he is with his girlfriend he looks at me and smiles back.He has leaned in to kiss ...
A. 13 February 2005: This boy sounds like he needs some space to grow up and learn that he's not the centre of the universe. You say that he has a girlfriend and that he still flirts with you, but how would you feel if you were his girlfriend and he was flirting wit... (read in full...)
Problems finding the right woman for the great relationship I dream about!
Q. I am 23 years old and have a problem. I have never been in a relationship with a girl before and think its time to do something about it. Because I come from a strict muslim family, I did not want to have a girlfriend when I was younger and I also ...
A. 13 February 2005: I'm glad that you have sensible standards in potential partners and that you're looking for a women with intelligence and confidence to share your life. Finding a satisfying relationship isn't solely a matter of "luck" (though being in the rig... (read in full...)
We made 3 dates & he broke every one. What's wrong?
Q. I have met a really nice guy on a website dating site. We have been talking for about 4 weeks and get on very well and have lots in common. He has custody of his 7 year old daughter (only recent). He has made 3 dates with me and dropped out on e...
A. 12 February 2005: There may more to the picture than you being "a fool", or him being the primary carer of his daughter. When you meet someone online, it's totally possible that what you see ain't what you get. This guy may be quite a bit different from the mental/... (read in full...)
Everyone seems to think our love is doomed... except me.
Q. Can a relationship work even though nearly everyone you know believes you're not compatible? We come from very different backgrounds and consequently I'm very aware of our families' disapproval of the other person. Even our friends have made ...
A. 12 February 2005: Hi Caz, Let me suggest an analogous situation: If all your friends and family saw a piano dropping out of the sky onto your head and were screaming warnings to you to get out of the way, would you believe them? Or would you insist that there w... (read in full...)
We're both married to others, but his attention is so appealing...
Q. I met a man 7 months ago as a friend living in the same road as us and we seemed to get chatting more and more and I suddenly realised one day that I fancied him. We have all gone out as a 4 some and the last time we went out he had said on the ...
A. 11 February 2005: The reason that you have these "teenage feelings" of thrill is that this man is clearly going out of his way to make you feel desired and attractive. The next logical questions are a) why is he doing it and b) what do you do next? I sugge... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my great girlfriend, or keep looking?
Q. Hi, so I've been seeing this great girl for a year and a bit. We get along great and have fun, but recently I've become unsettled, and interested in a few people around me. I'm now getting to the stage where I'm becoming worried about what I ...
A. 11 February 2005: Hi M, Things can go along just beautifully in a long-term relationship... and you can still be unhappy. You can have a great girlfriend, who loves you, and you can still be dissatisfied, because the relationship doesn't work for you. It's OK... (read in full...)
Too many e-MALEs in her life to suit me!
Q. My girlfriend has lots of MALE email addresses stored in her computer whom she claims are all workmates she exchanges emails with them every day. I know they are of a sexual nature a lot of the time. we have been together two years, any advice?...
A. 11 February 2005: Hi there, Speaking as a (very!) independant-minded woman with lots of male friends who are no threat whatsoever to my husband, I suggest you find out a bit more about some of the men your girlfriend exchanges email with. Has she been friends... (read in full...)
She doesn't know how I feel... do I take a chance?
Q. For some time Ive have a really big crush on a girl in my year, and can go as far as saying i love her. But im not sure if she feels the same way. I havn't told her how I feel because Im afraid of being rejected and humiliated, and because ive spent ...
A. 10 February 2005: Hi there, You sound like a lovely and sensitive young man, but you need to think about this a bit more deeply. To love someone you actually need to know them. You can have a sincere crush and you can lust after someone and you can be obsessed ... (read in full...)
Can I date a former teacher?
Q. My cousin says it isn't illegal to go out with one your old teachers if he's not your teacher anymore and you bumped into each other again out of school. Is this true?? I'm confused! thanks...
A. 10 February 2005: Hi there, There are a few conditions and qualifications to the answer to this question. If you're above the age of majority, then there's no impediment to dating a former teacher, if that person wants to go out with you. If you're under 18... (read in full...)
Should I marry the unmotivated bf and/or tackle the messy finances?
Q. I consider myself a strong, independant, focused young woman. I have an excellent job...graduated from college...I own my home, I brought 2 cars (no car note)...I have great credit, no children and I'm only 24! I have a boyfriend who is also a c...
A. 9 February 2005: No, I don't think you're being too critical. You're absolutely correct that his credit and spending habits will affect yours. There's every chance that what you've predicted - the moving in, the driving your car, the debts accumulating - will occur ... (read in full...)
I'm interested, but how do I ask him out?
Q. hi agony aunt, see I like this boy ya he likes me and I dont know how to ask him out. I mean he likes me as a freind but I don't know if will go out with me. He is getting suspicious about me liking him, he thinks im attractive....
A. 9 February 2005: Hi there, You ask him out the same way that you would any of your friends: "Hey, I'm going to the match on Saturday! Want to go with?" Or "Hi. There's a dance on Friday and I'd like to go with someone fun. Would you be interested?" ... (read in full...)
Can I recover from this..?
Q. Is it possible to recover after your husband has had an affair? Even when he blamed you and got his new woman to shout abuse at you and try to take your childen and career away from you?...
A. 9 February 2005: Hi there, Yes, you can recover. You can remind yourself that you're acting with a level of decorum that your husband obviously doesn't have. You can also be secretly pleased that your husband has landed himself a woman who'd stoop to such despicab... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I want him back?
Q. If your ex boyfreind broke up with you and you still like them what should you do to let them know you still care?...
A. 9 February 2005: Hi there, First you need to remind yourself that he broke up with you, so he probably already knows how you feel. The point is that he doesn't feel the same way, or you'd still be a couple. Telling him that you're still interested in hi... (read in full...)
Is it possible to "wear out" a willie?
Q. married 2 years,my husband is 40 and healthy,i am a very attractive sexual female in very good physical shape...my husband has trouble maintaining an erection so he totally prefers oral sex..i feel inadaquate to say the least..we talk about it, he ...
A. 8 February 2005: Hi dear, This - you'll probably be relieved to hear - has nothing to do with you. I suspect that your hubbie has erectile dysfunction and is embarrassed to admit it to himself. "Wore himself out"? Puh-lease! He may think that it's inevitable, ... (read in full...)
We're getting married, but the ex doesn't know about me...yet
Q. I am in a situation where I am with someone and, well, they were with someone else and they're not together but they have a child together. But the guy wants me now, not her, and she always uses the child against him like saying she going to hurt it ...
A. 8 February 2005: Whoa! He wants you two to get married, and he hasn't even mentioned you to his ex? The way you put it, it doesn't sound like he's even asked your opinion about whether you'd LIKE to get married. And why haven't you met the ex and his child? You'r... (read in full...)
He doesn't want commitment or a girlfriend. Am I either one?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for over 3 months now and before this we were good friends for two years. His divorce has only just come through although he has been seperated for a few years and he has one child. Everything has been great between ...
A. 8 February 2005: Hi there, He's been honest and told you exactly where he's coming from: he doesn't want commitment or a girlfriend. Now it's your turn to be honest. Are you hanging around, waiting for him to change his mind, or will you be happy with what you ... (read in full...)
Cheating boyfriend is so sweet I keep forgiving him... even after a move on my friend!
Q. I'm in love with my boyfriend but he's been cheating on me. Anytime he does he always comes back to ask for forgiveness and i always take him back. we made up after a break up and i left for a vacation. now he's making a move on my close friend and ...
A. 6 February 2005: Hi dear, Are you in love with your boyfriend, or in love with the idea of a boyfriend? These are two distinct situations. From your letter, it doesn't sound like he's really giving you much to love about him. He cheats, he weasels his way back,... (read in full...)
No feeling in my little fella
Q. I have no felling only in the head part. It takes me a long time to get hard and when i do i can't feel anything when we have sex. When i get a hand job she uses cold ice to get me hard but still no felling what is the matter with me? When we have ...
A. 6 February 2005: Hi there, You may have erectile dysfunction, caused by a blood circulation problem. Are you getting erections in the morning when you wake up? Or during the night? If you are, then your physical health is probably OK and it could be caus... (read in full...)
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