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anonymous
writes: I'm 15 and currently in a relationship with a man of 28. We have had sex and I know I'm pregnant! What do I do? He already has a child (as a single father) and I think he would go mad if I told him! Should I lie and say it's not his? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): I think it is the most selfish act on the face of this earth to "terminate" a pregnancy because you made a mistake and don't want the bother or it or the disruption of your life. Do I think you should keep and raise a baby at fifteen? Probably not, unless the rapist--I mean father--is going to help you raise the child or if your parents are willing to help.
You can always give the child up for adoption. There are thousands of couples out there waiting for a child to love. Me and my wife included.
I believe that every child has a purpose and a reason for being here, especially mentally handicapped children who often teach us about patience, kindness, and simple joy and that God makes us each for a reason. To cut that life short to make your own life easier is just plain wrong!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2005): No dont lie. Tell him your pregnant and if your having the baby tell him to take the responsibility. He's 28 years old he's not alittle kid. Something you do have to worry about is him gettin charged for rape.
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reader, trusty +, writes (3 May 2005):
Do you know how much trouble this guy can get into? He is 28 after all. He would go to prison if the police were told. You need to think whether you want this baby or not. Forget about the father, it's all about you now. There is a chance that when or if you tell him he won't want to know, so you would have to bring the baby up on your own, if you decide to keep it. You're in a ruck now so you really need to think about whether you're ready for a child, whether the father will stick by you, your education... basicaly your whole entire life depends on this one decision you will have to make!! xx good luck xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2005): This is going to sound very harsh, but I would advise you to think very carefully before having this baby. There are issues involved that you probably have never even thought about. I didn't,and when I found myself pregnant at 17 I had the baby.Now I'm 30 and although I love my daughter it has been a terrible ride.I had no childhood. I have never been able to be carefree as she was born mentally handicapped, something the scans cannot always show up.I love her but if I knew what I know now, I would never have put myself in that situation at such a fragile age.Please don't do this to yourself. Go out, have fun, have a career.Have kids when you are older. I know it's hard to believe, but you have all the time in the world.Oh, and I would ditch this man immediately. He is clearly irresponsible, especially if he already has a child, it seems strange that he should involve himself with a girl nearly half his age. Something's not right with him at all, but better for you if you don't hang around to find out what it is. Cut and run. Take back your life while you still can, don't wait until it's too late.
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reader, BettyBoop2005 +, writes (29 April 2005):
First of all he had no business having unprotected sex with you. What was he thinking about? Second of all, you dont have to hide your pregnancy if he is the father because he should have thought tha;t he already had a child. He has to take responsibility for the child. He's 28.The first thing you have to do is tell your parents. They are going to be the only ones there in whatever decisions you make, and also they could press charges against him because you're a minor. They have to look out for you. Tell them to speak with him and ask him if his going to be responsible for you and child and let them take it from there, they know what to do next. Good luck and let us know what's his decision.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 April 2005):
 No, you should definitely *not* lie about it. The very first thing you need to do - now, today - is tell him that you're pregnant. Even though it's happening in your body, the baby is 50% his too, remember. He should have known much better than to have unprotected sex with a minor, but that's water under the bridge now. You have to tell him about the pregnancy, because he has legal obligations to help raise the child if you keep it. And you have a moral obligation to allow your child to know his or her father.Now, having said that, you will already know that you have at least three options: you can terminate the pregnancy, you can carry the baby to full term and give it up for adoption, or you can raise the child yourself. There are other possibilities too, depending on where and with whom you live. Like, for example, an older sister may be willing to adopt your baby. That sort of thing. It's not a case of either/or.I don't know you or your circumstances, but I would advise you to think VERY carefully about deciding you want to keep your baby. It's natural and good - and instinctive - to want to, but you also have to balance those maternal feelings with the facts. You're 15, you don't have any visible means of support, and child-rearing is bloody expensive and a lifetime committment. And it sounds like your boyfriend is an immature man-child who lacks much in the way of commonsense. So, all in all, not a great environment for raising a baby.If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, you will shortly find yourself in the "speed lane" into the adult world. That's not necessarily a good thing, but it will happen. You'll find that you don't get to go out to friends' houses (because you have to take care of the baby), you won't be able to work much (unless you have childcare arranged), you won't be able to spend money on movies or parties (because you have to buy nappies)... All that sort of selfless sacrifice that parents make. And it doesn't stop anytime soon. When you're say, 26 years old, you'll still have an 11-year-old to take care of.I'm not trying to dissuade you from keeping your child; I just want you to see through the pink-and-blue haze that young women get in their brains when they think of how cute babies are and how much fun they'll have pushing a pram. Babies ARE cute, but they're a hell of a responsibility and they grow into kids. I want you to consider what happens to your life when you become a mum.It doesn't sound like you're going to get much in the way of emotional support from the father, but he is legally responsible for maintenance. You might want to arrange a DNA test to prove it's his baby, in case he tries to shirk.So, your list of things to do: 1. Tell your boyfriend about the pregnancy, now. The way he responds is HIS problem, not yours. If he didn't want to get you pregnant, he should have used a condom. Repeat: His problem. A 28-year-old man is supposed to know better.2. Make an appointment with the doctor to discuss your prenatal health, and your options with the pregnancy.3. Tell your parents. They'll be shocked and they'll be mad at your boyfriend, but they'll support you. Really. They will, if you give them a chance. After all, it's their grandchild you're pregnant with.After that, you'll be guided by what you decide to do. Good luck, dear and let us know how you go.
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