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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm seing this guy for about a month now. He has just come clean with me and told me that he is married and has a child and that he wannts to leave her for me and come and live with me. I do relly like this person but I don't know if I'm ready for all of this. I'm confused. Please help me. He wants to move in to mine later this week. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2005): Beware! What decent married man with a child will come to you (you've known him only a month) and say he wants to leave his wife and live with you now? No decent man will.This "gentleman" is taking advantage of you so that he has a place to stay freely away from his own troubles he's made.This guy is worthless and knows how to prey on women who will give in easily. You are rightly confused and your instincts are working for you so DON'T EVER GIVE IN. (If this was happening to your younger sister, let's say, would you cheer for her to be with this slob?)Leave him alone to handle his own mess and don't get involved. You can just say you reconsidered and you don't want a married man or a child and just quietly exit. He may try to hold you back with words, so be real firm with your "no". Be strong, do it once and for all and get away from him. You won't regret it; Good luck.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 April 2005):
 Tell him No. And stand your ground, because this guy is definitely a user and he'll try to push you into letting him live with you.You don't know this man at all. You've only known him for 4 weeks. He's already proved that he can withhold important information from you - I mean, he's married and has a child... and he didn't think to mention it?! Heaven only knows what else he hasn't told you about. Let's see: his hidden drug habit, his other girlfriend, the fact that he's an illegal alien... No, a thousand times No. This guy sounds suspicious.Just because you "like" somebody doesn't automatically mean that you open your home to them and have them move in with you. Take you time. Ask youself, and ask him, what's the rush? Maybe his answer is that his wife is throwing him out and he has no place to live. That should be a ***major*** warning to you - that the mother of his child can't stand living with him. It's not a cue to say "Oh well, then, please come and make MY life a living hell, too!"Listen, please: you don't know anything about this guy, except that he's already lied to you about BIG stuff. He's already putting pressure on you to make decisions you're not comfortable with. I worry about what he'll try to pressure you into next, especially if he's got your TV remote in his hand and his feet on your coffee table.Please don't let this pushy stranger walk all over you. You don't owe him anything, and if he really "likes" you, too, then he's not going to give you the cold shoulder just because you don't want to be roommates. If he threatens to leave you just because you don't do what he wants, he doesn't care about you anyway.Stand up for yourself and listen to your intuition. It's telling you this guy is bad news.
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